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Articles by UZIoSUICIDE

UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Just checking......   8/11/2016

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionalism goes right out the window...

He tells her to t


0 Comments, 113 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Best advice from a Rabbi...   8/9/2016

A man goes to see the Rabbi. 'Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.' The Rabbi asked, 'What's wrong?' The man replied, 'My wife is poisoning me.' The Rabbi, very s


0 Comments, 73 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
When I grow up...   7/8/2016

A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give h


0 Comments, 94 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
The tweeker and the dude in the old looking lamp...   7/8/2016

A tweeker is out digging thru a dumpster one night and he finds a old looking lamp thing and starts to try and shine it up so he can take it to a pawn shop or somewhere later. Well a little poof of sm


0 Comments, 85 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
And the moral of the story is...   7/4/2016

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the came back and one by one began to tell their stories.



0 Comments, 100 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
wanna bet?   3/30/2016

A little old lady walked into the main branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man at the window that she wished to open an account with the bank a


0 Comments, 138 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Dude goes to his buddies...   3/30/2016

Dude goes over to his buddy's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.

Hi, is Tony home? No, he went to the store. Well, you mind if I wait? No, come in?

They sit down and Dude s


0 Comments, 127 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
4 kinds of sex   3/27/2016

There are four kinds of sex : HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room. BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedr


0 Comments, 59 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Dudes 25th Anniversary...   3/27/2016

Dude and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked Dude, "When you first saw my naked body in front


0 Comments, 73 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Whats for breakfast   3/27/2016

One day, a family of a mother and two boys, Timmy and Tommy, were riding in their car on the way to church. Timmy leaned over, smacked Tommy across the head, and Tommy yelled out "You Motherfucker!" l


0 Comments, 125 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
3 Wishes   3/27/2016

One day Dude was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of the way. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp.

Reluctantly, the


0 Comments, 82 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY    3/23/2016

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical r


0 Comments, 94 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Love thy Neighbor   3/22/2016

One evening, a wife drew her husband’s attention to the couple next door and said, “Do you see that couple? How devote they are? He kisses her everytime they meet. Why don’t you do that?”



0 Comments, 62 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Sex on Mars   3/22/2016

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.

Mike asks if Mars has


0 Comments, 87 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Perfect Tits   3/22/2016

Dude was walking down the street sees a woman with perfect tits. He says to her, “Hey, would you let me bite your tits for $100 dollars?”

“Are you nuts?!” – she replies, and keeps w


0 Comments, 118 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
If you will recall...   3/22/2016

Dude’s girlfriend was in labor with they first . She was shouting out, “Get this out of me? Give me the drugs.”

She looked at him and said, “You did this to me you of a bitch!”

0 Comments, 46 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Just making sure...   3/19/2016

Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women, " she charged. "You're being unreasonable, " Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth!" Th


0 Comments, 45 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Dude shares a room   3/19/2016

By the time Dude pulled into the small town every hotel room was taken. He finally pulled up to the very last hotel and went into the office. "You've got to have a room somewhere" he pleaded. "Or just


0 Comments, 95 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
The moral of the story   3/19/2016

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.


0 Comments, 21 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Dude goes to the barber shop...   3/19/2016

Dude stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." Dude left. A few days later, Dude


0 Comments, 71 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Its a Miricle...   3/17/2016

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket


0 Comments, 69 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Man's best friend   3/17/2016

OK, So your barking is at the back door wanting in and your wife’s yelling at the front wanting in.

Which one do you let in?

The dog, once he’s in, he shuts up!


0 Comments, 34 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Old dude goes to the doctor...   3/17/2016

So, this 85-year-old dude's doctor asks for a sperm count as part of dude's physical exam. The doctor gave the old dude a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

0 Comments, 63 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Alimony   3/17/2016

A divorce court judge said to the husband, "Mr Geraghty, I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week." "That's very fair, your honour, " he replied. "And ev


0 Comments, 36 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
An ode to my penis   3/17/2016

My nookie days are over, My pilot light is out... What used to be my sex appeal, Is now my water spout...

Time was when, all on its own, From my trousers it would spring... But now it seems a


0 Comments, 9 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Lets get Mikie...   3/15/2016

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very ornery, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the


0 Comments, 90 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Stranded Lawyers   3/15/2016

Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months. The only other thing on the island was the tall coconut tree, that provided them their food. Each day, one of the lawyers climbed


0 Comments, 94 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Dude bumps into some chick   3/15/2016

So, dude is in a hotel lobby. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and his elbow goes into her tits. So dude turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart


0 Comments, 43 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Dude walks into an elevator   3/15/2016

So, dude walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your pussy?" The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not


0 Comments, 40 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Alotta 'splanin to do...   3/12/2016

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a bi


0 Comments, 60 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Birds and bees and things that please   3/12/2016

Mom's in the kitchen making dinner, when her walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother says, “Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom,


0 Comments, 71 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Dude goes to hell   3/11/2016

So, this dude goes to hell... When he gets there a demon strolls up and says "How's it goin'" Dude says, "Pretty fucked up" "Why" asks the demon. Dude says "Well, To begin with I died and I'm in hell"


0 Comments, 75 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Lessor of two evils   3/11/2016

"So let me get this straight, " the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man." "That's correct, " says the defendant. "At which ti


0 Comments, 229 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Make her scream...   3/11/2016

Hey guys... I figured out how you can make your girlfriend or wife or whatever scream during sex.. It's super easy and it works every time... All ya gotta do.. While you are having sex take your phone


0 Comments, 112 Views, 0 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
WINNER WINNER WINNER   3/11/2016

So, a man asks his wife "If I won the lottery, what would you do?" His wife says, "Take half and leave you" The man smiles and says, "Good cuz I won 12 bux from the lottery today, heres 6 now get out"


0 Comments, 50 Views, 0 Votes