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ToysRfun2010 49 C
19  Articles
call the vet   3/5/2011

A lover, whose was a byTch and "in heat', agreed to look after and house her neighbors' male whilst they were away on vacation. She had a large house however and believed that she could keep them apart, but as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently ...


0 Comments, 155 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
ToysRfun2010 49 C
19  Articles
a in vegas   3/5/2011

A guy is walking the strip in Las Vegas and a fantastic-looking Vegas catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the , "How much do you charge?"

The replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job." The guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"

The says, "Do you see that Denny's restaurant on the ...


0 Comments, 76 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
ToysRfun2010 49 C
19  Articles
raise request   3/5/2011

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor I work at great depths I plunge head-first into everything I do ...I do not get weekends off I work in a damp environment I work in high temperatures My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Sincerely your penis



Dear Penis,

You do not work 8 hours straight ...


1 Comments, 40 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
ToysRfun2010 49 C
19  Articles
construction workers   3/5/2011

construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. so he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign langauge. He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on teh ground floor nods his head, pulls down ...


1 Comments, 62 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
ToysRfun2010 49 C
19  Articles
lesbian squirrels   3/5/2011

Do lesbian squirrels still eat nuts???

No, but they are known to attack beavers.


1 Comments, 62 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
ToysRfun2010 49 C
19  Articles
Lil girl and the birdie   3/5/2011

So the little girl went to her neighbors house and walked in. The neighbor guy was standing there naked. lil girl asks, "Whats that?" man replies, "oh, that's my birdie." lil girl goes home. next day lil girl goes back to neighbors to find him naked again. she askes, "What are those?" man replies, "Those are the birdies eggs." lil girl goes back home to come back on the third day and once again, ...


1 Comments, 66 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
rotn2dacore 69 M
11  Articles
Play Date   3/5/2011

2 little girls were having a play date at one of the girl's house. They happend to walk past the parent's room and looked in. The mother was giving the father a very good blow job. One girl said to the other: "You see that shit? And she whips me for sucking my thumb!"


0 Comments, 70 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Friday night after work   3/5/2011

Each Friday night after work, Ole would fire up his outdoor grill on the shore of Big Stone Lake and cook a venison steak. But, all of Ole's neighbors were Catholic. And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks wafted over Ortonville, and all the way to Clinton, and was causing such a problem for the Catholic ...


0 Comments, 44 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
desperate to end an argument   3/5/2011

A husband desperate to end an argument offers to buy is wife a new car. She curtly declines his offer by saying, "That's not quite what I had in mind."

Frantically he offers her a new house. Again she rejects his offer, "That's not quite what I had in mind."

Curious, he asks: "What did you have in mind?"

She retorts, "I'd like a divorce."

He answers, "I hadn't ...


0 Comments, 62 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
small boy was lost   3/5/2011

A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The copper said, "What's he like?"

The little boy replied, "Beer and women!"


0 Comments, 48 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
keeping myself pure   3/5/2011

This guy in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.

"No thank you, " she said politely." "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."

"That must be rather difficult, " the man replied.

"Oh, I don't mind too much, " she said. "But, it ...


0 Comments, 63 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
under the table   3/5/2011

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and ...


0 Comments, 61 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Your mother in law gets double   3/5/2011

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double.

The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."


0 Comments, 212 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TOP 10 COUNTRY AND WESTERN SONGS. 2010   3/4/2011

10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine.

9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman; But I Woke Up With A Few.

8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.

7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'.

6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win .

5. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You're Still Here.

4. ...


1 Comments, 50 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WHEN I WAS A BOY   3/4/2011

When I was a boy, Momma would send me down to a corner store with $1, and I would come back with 5 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese and 6 eggs.

You can't do that now....to many fuckin security cameras.
...


0 Comments, 64 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
JUST WHO IS JACK SCHITT?   3/4/2011

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt'! Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, who married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one , Jack. ...


0 Comments, 42 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
A penny for your thoughts   3/4/2011

Observing The Baby One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, scepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her ...


0 Comments, 60 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
That frog could have been worth millions   3/4/2011

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, and then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he ...


0 Comments, 56 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
gust of wind blew her   3/4/2011

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid, " she thought as she fell. "What a way to die." As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?" "No!" she shrieked, aghast. So, he ...


0 Comments, 50 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
hired to play background music   3/4/2011

A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month. A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to ...


0 Comments, 42 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TWO OLD GUYS TALKING   3/3/2011

One said to the other: "My 75th birthday yesterday. Wife gave me an SUV".

Other guy: "Wow, that's amazing! Imagine, an SUV! What a great gift!" First guy: "Yup. Socks, Underwear and Viagra!
...


0 Comments, 77 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MARRIAGE COUNSELING   3/3/2011

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured. ...


1 Comments, 70 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
AWAITING SURGERY   3/2/2011

An older gentleman was On the operating table Awaiting surgery.

And he insisted that his , A renowned surgeon, Perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, He asked to speak to his .

'Yes, Dad, what is it? '

'Don't be nervous, ; Do your best And just remember,

If it doesn't go well, If something happens to me,

Your mother ...


1 Comments, 115 Views, 8 Votes ,6.03 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TWO OLD GUYS   3/2/2011

Two old guys Are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart When they collide.

The first old guy says to the second guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, And I guess I wasn't paying attention To where I was going.

The second old guy says, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence.. I'm looking for my wife, too..' I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate'

The ...


0 Comments, 91 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE OLDER CROWD   3/2/2011

A distraught senior citizen

Phoned her doctor's office. 'Is it true, ' she wanted to know, 'that the medication You prescribed has to be taken For the rest of my life?'

'Yes, I'm afraid so, ' the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence Before the senior lady replied,

I'm wondering, then, Just how serious is my condition Because this prescription is ...


0 Comments, 76 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SEX AFTER DEATH   3/2/2011

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there was sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.

True to his word, he made the first contact:

"Judy..........Judy"

"Is that you, George?"

"Yes, I've come back like we ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Paradoxical thought for today.   3/2/2011

"Fathom the odd hypocrisy that the government wants every citizen to prove that they are insured, but people don't have to prove they are citizens."

...


0 Comments, 40 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A SAN DIEGO RESIDENT   3/2/2011

A 23 year old resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she ...


0 Comments, 82 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
THE TOILET SEAT   3/2/2011

Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy ...


0 Comments, 89 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Fried Chicken   3/2/2011

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed. My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very ...


0 Comments, 68 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
JUST A TAP   3/1/2011

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab.

Then, the still shaking driver said, "Are you OK? ...


0 Comments, 60 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MEN   3/1/2011

Men Are Just Happier People

NICKNAMES

·If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

·If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.

EATING OUT

·When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's ...


0 Comments, 59 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A VIRUS JUST FOR US   3/1/2011

I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one.

It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1960.

Symptoms:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. done that!

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail !that too!

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the ...


1 Comments, 46 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ADAM   3/1/2011

God said, 'Adam, I Want you to do Something for Me.'

Adam said, 'Gladly, Lord, what do You Want me to do?'

God said, 'Go down Into that valley.'

Adam said, 'What's a Valley?'

God explained it to Him. Then God said, 'Cross the river.'

Adam said, 'What's a River?'

God explained that To him, and then said, 'Go over to the hill....'

...


1 Comments, 46 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
sick one   2/28/2011

My history teacher once asked me if I knew what the holocaust was.

Hilarious, was apparently not the correct answer


4 Comments, 88 Views, 12 Votes
legs   2/28/2011

duuring a heavy artillery barrage;

PRIVATE: "Sh1t! I've lost my leg! I'VE LOST MY LEG!"

SGT: "No you haven't . Look, it's lying over there."


1 Comments, 74 Views, 8 Votes
Grannie   2/28/2011

What do you call the the little bit of hair between your Grandma's titties?





Her vagina....


0 Comments, 61 Views, 5 Votes ,1.19 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
One more time   2/28/2011

For 2 years a married man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the . If she stayed in Italy to raise the , he would also provide support until the turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
"I have a headache."   2/28/2011

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache." "Perfect, " her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!"


0 Comments, 94 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
pall bearers are carrying the casket out when   2/28/2011

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan! They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!

She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, ...


0 Comments, 82 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
tell it to the next truck   2/28/2011

A Roadway driver is driving east on Route 66 he sees a truck driving west and the CB crackles to life. "Hey Roadway driver, who are the two biggest fags in America?" comes from the CB. The Roadway driver replies, "I don't know." The other trucker says " You and your brother." Well the Roadway driver gets annoyed but the other driver tells him "It's just a joke - tell it to the next truck you ...


0 Comments, 81 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
When he gets back   2/28/2011

Darren marries this girl, and they go on their honeymoon. He leaves the room the first night to go down to the lobby to get a pack of cigarettes. When he gets back, his bride is lying on the bed naked fucking one of the bellhops. Another one is under her, getting her in the ass. She's sucking off the desk clerk, and she's jerking off a cab driver and the dishwasher. Darren screams, "What the ...


0 Comments, 75 Views, 0 Votes
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
KFC BARGAIN   2/27/2011

Last night a complete stranger asked me if I liked breasts or thighs, I told him that I preferred a hot, wet, pussy. Apparently that wasn’t an option with the KFC Bargain Bucket....


1 Comments, 61 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
2 DWARFS   2/27/2011

2 dwarfs pickup 2 girls & take them home,

1st dwarf cant get it up and to make things worse, all he can hear is the 2nd dwarf saying "hear i come again 1 2 3 uuuhh.."

The next morning 1st dwarf says to the 2nd dwarf,

"how embarrasing i didnt even get an erection" 2nd dwarf says you think thats bad i couldnt even get on the bed!
...


0 Comments, 56 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
oil shortage here in our country   2/27/2011

A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country. ~~~ Well, there's a very simple answer. ~~~ Nobody bothered to check the oil. ~~~ We just didn't know we were getting low. ~~~ The reason for that is purely geographical. ~~~ Our OIL is located in: ~~~ ALASKA ~~~ California ~~~ Coastal Florida ~~~ Coastal Louisiana ~~~ North Dakota ...


0 Comments, 68 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Franchise Opportunity   2/27/2011

Franchise Opportunity:

A friend of mine just started his own business.

He manufactures landmines that look like prayer mats.

It's doing well.

He says prophets are going through the roof.


1 Comments, 70 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
give me some tips   2/27/2011

A Cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West.

The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. 'Do you think you could give me some tips?' he asked. The old gufighter looked him up and down and ...


0 Comments, 82 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SOME FUNNIES   2/26/2011

The most common sexual position for married couples is doggy style. Husband sits and begs for pussy and the wife rolls over and plays dead.

The sex professor asks: "Do you know what your asshole is doing while your having an orgasm?" Woman replies, "Probably deer hunting with his friends"

Quote of the day: Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin. Sure it ...


2 Comments, 93 Views, 7 Votes ,5.08 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CAKE OR BED   2/26/2011

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS, HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?

IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO.

FINE, THEN THE WIFE ASKS, WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE ...


0 Comments, 82 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
IRISH FARMER BREAKING NEWS   2/26/2011

An Irish farmer has successfuly grown a field full of dildos.

Now he has problems with squatters.
...


1 Comments, 72 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Witticisms of Ignorance   2/26/2011

It 's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.

You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "smart"?

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

A fool and his money can throw one heck of a party.

when blondes have more fun do they know it? ...


0 Comments, 55 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
'That'll be 10 cents each, please.'   2/26/2011

Retirees--- Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Mesa, AZ. They turned a corner and see a sign that says, 'Old Timers Bar - all drinks 10 cents. They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this Is too good to be true.



The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in and let me pour one for you!



What'll it ...


0 Comments, 82 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
worst dream of my life   2/26/2011

Mr. Geraldo says to his doctor, "Doc, I had the worst dream of my life last night. I dreamed I was with twelve of the most beautiful chorus girls in the world. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, and they were all dancing in a row." The psychiatrist says, "Now hold on, Mr. Geraldo. That doesn't sound so terrible." Mr. Geraldo says, "Oh, yeah? I was the third girl from the end."


0 Comments, 73 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
I keep losing my temper   2/26/2011

Patient: "Doc, you gotta help me. I'm under a lot of stress. I keep losing my temper with people."

Doctor: "Tell me about your problem."

Patient: "I just did, you jackass!"


0 Comments, 54 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
What should we do   2/26/2011

Three guys are fishing when Fred gets up to get a beer, loses his balance and falls out of the boat. Ed says " What should we do?" Bill says, "You better jump in after him, he's been under water for a while, he might need some help." So Ed jumps in, and after some time, he surfaces. He says, "Help me get him in the boat." They wrestle Fred back into the boat. Ed says, "What do we do now, it ...


0 Comments, 72 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Can you give me one last wish   2/26/2011

Jack is on his death bed, and he says to his wife, "Can you give me one last wish?"

She says, "Anything you want."

He says, "After I die, will you marry Larry?"

She says, "But I thought you hated Larry."

With his last breath, he says, "I do."


0 Comments, 71 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
couple is lying in bed   2/26/2011

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world"

The woman says, "I'll miss you."


0 Comments, 55 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
I'm dying to have sex   2/26/2011

A guy goes into a bar and says to the bartender, "Man, I'm dying to have sex in the worst way. So the bartender says, "Well, the worst way I know of is standing up in a hammock."


0 Comments, 62 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
My wife is out of town   2/26/2011

A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, retire to his house for what is popularly termed a "nooner." "Don't worry, " he purrs. "My wife is out of town on a business trip, there's no risk." As one thing leads to another, the woman reaches into her purse and suddenly gasps, "We have to stop, I forgot to bring birth control!" "No problem, " her lover replies. "I'll get my wife's ...


0 Comments, 82 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Golf   2/26/2011

One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" the other replies, "GREAT trade!"


0 Comments, 59 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Priest   2/26/2011

A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley one day and came upon a young boy who was masturbating. "My , you shouldn't be doing that, " said the priest. "You should be saving that for when you get married."

The embarrassed boy hung his head down low and simply said, "Yes, Father."

About 10 years later the priest was in his study when a young man, in his early twenties, came ...


0 Comments, 71 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Office   2/26/2011

A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife: "Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She's got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it's not a big deal but it feels good."

The next day when they come home his wife asks, "How was your day?"

The man says: "Fantastic! It's not only her bra that is ...


0 Comments, 86 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Best Friend's Girl..   2/26/2011

Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner. When the time came to leave, his car wouldn't start, and it was too late to call the local service station.

The husband urged Charlie to stay over. There was no spare bed in the house; there wasn't even a sofa. So Charlie would have to sleep with the husband and wife.

No sooner had the husband fallen asleep when the ...


0 Comments, 93 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Radio Mishap   2/26/2011

There was this old woman who heard a song called "Two Lips and Seven Kisses." She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, "Do you have "Two Lips and Seven Kisses?"

The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!" ...


0 Comments, 51 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Tax   2/26/2011

One day a went to file her taxes, and for occupation she put .

The tax collector explained that was an illegal occupation.

She said she'd have to go home and think about it and that she'd call him back in a hour with her occupation.

An hour later she called him and said, "I've got it... I'm a chicken farmer."

He said, "How do you get chicken farmer out of ." ...


0 Comments, 63 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
3 Daughters   2/26/2011

There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could their parents. So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married".

So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it". The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would ...


1 Comments, 107 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
BLACK AND GAY   2/25/2011

At the end of a tiny deserted bar in downtown Detroit sat a huge black man. He was having a few beers when a short, well dressed, and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him.

After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the big black man.

Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?"

At this, the massive ...


2 Comments, 159 Views, 9 Votes ,5.35 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SATAN   2/25/2011

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his ...


0 Comments, 69 Views, 9 Votes ,5.56 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ONLY IN AMERICA BY A LAWYER   2/25/2011

This took place in Charlotte North Carolina. A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires..' The ...


0 Comments, 67 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SPREAD THE WORD   2/25/2011

Yep, this pretty much covers it all!!!

If you can't afford a doctor, go to an airport - you'll get a free x-ray and a breast exam, and; if you mention Al Qaeda, you'll get a free colonoscopy.
...


0 Comments, 48 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
Box of Crabs   2/25/2011

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde, female crew member to take care of the box for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator.

He pointedly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, mentioned that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 9 Votes ,5.78 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
N'awlins Dahlin   2/25/2011

You know you are from Louisiana if...

* The crawdad mounds in your front yard have overtaken the grass.

* You greet people with "Howzyamomma'an'dem?" and hear back "Dey fine!"

* Every so often, you have waterfront property.

* When giving directions you use words like "uptown", "downtown", "backatown", "riverside", "lakeside", "other side of the bayou" or "other ...


0 Comments, 40 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
YOU Might Be From LOUISIANA If.......   2/25/2011

When out of town, you stop and ask someone where there is a drive-thru daiquiri place, and they look at you like you have three heads. ...The crawdad mounds in your front yard have overtaken the grass. ...Every so often, you have waterfront property. ...You learned to drive a boat before you could drive a car. ...You know the meaning of a "Delcambre Reeboks" (That would be a pair of all white ...


0 Comments, 27 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
You Might Be Cajun If......   2/25/2011

you start an angel food cake with a roux.

watching the "wild kingdom" inspires you to write a cookbook.

you think a lobster is a crawfish on steriods.

you take a bite of 5-alarm southwest chili and reach for the tabasco.

you pass up a trip abroad to go to the crawfish festival in breaux bridge.

your mama announces each morning, "well, I've got the rice ...


0 Comments, 22 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
Goin to N'awlins   2/25/2011

These two Black guys were traveling through north Louisiana on their way from Chicago to Mardi Gras. This old hick sheriff sees them and pulls them over. The driver says, "Officer, what did I do?" The cop answers, "Boy, get out of that car and let me see your license." The Black guy gets out of the car and says "But officer, what did I do?" Wham! The old cop hits him on the side of his head and ...


0 Comments, 54 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
ECONOMY AFFECTS MARDI GRAS !   2/25/2011

How is the bad economy affecting Mardi Gras? Now when you throw beads, women only flash one boob!


0 Comments, 27 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
MARDI GRAS in NEW ORLEANS   2/25/2011

How do you know you went to Mardi Gras? You wake up on a sidewalk and the only things in your pants pockets are your car keys and a court summons. You wake up and discover a Tattoo of "Beignets Rule" on your ass.


0 Comments, 26 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
FAT TUESDAY   2/25/2011

What is the difference between Fat Tuesday and Mardi Gras? Mardi Gras is an all-night party in New Orleans, Fat Tuesday is who you wake up with the morning after!


0 Comments, 15 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
JEWISH POKER CLUB   2/24/2011

Six retired Jewish Floridian fellows were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyer loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, but standing up.

At the end of the game, Finkelstein looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna tell his vife?"

They cut the ...


0 Comments, 100 Views, 13 Votes ,4.82 Score
Smokeybear4400 48 M
16  Articles
A Good Date!   2/24/2011

These three teenage girls were roommates. One Friday night right after the semester started they had all gone out on dates, and by chance all came home at about the same time.

The first one came in and said with a smug look on her face, "You know you've been on a good date when you come home with your hair all messed up."

The second one laughed at her and said, "No, no, that's ...


1 Comments, 113 Views, 8 Votes ,3.01 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
WHY GOD MADE MOMS   2/24/2011

Answers given by 2nd grade school to the following questions: Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is. 2. Mostly to clean the house. 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers? 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us. 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring. 3. God made my mom ...


0 Comments, 113 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
BLACK EYE   2/23/2011

Roy, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye.

"What happened to you?" asked his wife.

"I had a terrible day." replied Roy . "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection.

Anyway, I went up and, sure enough, there was this big ...


1 Comments, 106 Views, 10 Votes ,4.78 Score
Smokeybear4400 48 M
16  Articles
Just hold me   2/23/2011

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me." The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband ...


2 Comments, 144 Views, 12 Votes ,3.86 Score
ToysRfun2010 49 C
19  Articles
Five Important Qualities!   2/23/2011

Five Important Qualities

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job. 2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh. 3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you. 4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you. 5. It's very, very important that ...


1 Comments, 90 Views, 8 Votes ,5.10 Score
ToysRfun2010 49 C
19  Articles
The Parrot   2/23/2011

A man is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little >>perch. >>It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Golly, I wonder >>what >>happened to this parrot?" >> >>The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm >>a defective parrot." >> >>"Holy crap, " the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!" >> >>"I got every word, " says the parrot. "I happen to be a ...


0 Comments, 84 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
ToysRfun2010 49 C
19  Articles
firefighter and little girl   2/23/2011

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighters helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her and her cat. The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.

'That sure is a nice fire ...


0 Comments, 118 Views, 7 Votes ,5.59 Score
rm_oujaevil2011 38 M
1  Article
ORIGINAL   2/23/2011

This is ORIGINAL MATERIAL ONLY - Discussion topics are for original material written by ME


1 Comments, 57 Views, 7 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
woman sought the advice of a sex therapist   2/23/2011

A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy her, and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all these short term relationships. "Isn't there some way to judge the size of a man's equipment from the outside?" she asked earnestly. "The only foolproof way, is by the size of his feet, " counselled the ...


0 Comments, 90 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
"Okay, but it won't do you any good."   2/23/2011

A guy met this girl in a bar and asked, "May I buy you a drink?". Looking back unimpressed at the man she replies, "Okay, but it won't do you any good." A little later, he asks, "May I buy you another drink?"

"Okay, but it still won't do you any good." He invites her up to his apartment and she replies, "Okay, but it won't do you any good." They get to his apartment and he says, "You are ...


0 Comments, 96 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
my has gonorrhea   2/23/2011

"Doc, I think my has gonorrhea, " a patient told his urologist on the phone. "The only woman he's screwed is our maid."

"Ok, don't be hard on him. He's just a , " the medic soothed. "Get him in here right away and I'll take care of him."

"But, Doc. I've been screwing the maid too and I've got the same symptoms he has."

"Then you come in with him and I'll fix you both ...


0 Comments, 99 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
unusual operation   2/23/2011

The pretty co-ed nervously asked the doctor to perform an unusual operation: the removal of a large chunk of green wax from her navel. Looking up from the ticklish task, the physician asked, "How did this happen?"

"Let me put it this way, doc, " the girl began. "My boyfriend likes to eat by candlelight."


0 Comments, 79 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Smokeybear4400 48 M
16  Articles
No Waffles For Me Either!   2/22/2011

One a mother and her two boys, Timmy and Tommy, were riding in their car on the way to church. Timmy leaned over, smacked Tommy across the head, and Tommy yelled out "Ouch you fucking wanker!" later that day in church, the mom went to talk to the priest. she said "Father, my boys just won't stop swearing and I don't know what to do." the priest says "Well, have you tried smacking them?" she said ...


0 Comments, 109 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
KU KLUX KLAN   2/22/2011

> > An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this > congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This > is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I > am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party > who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian > Family." > > No one moved. > > ...


0 Comments, 106 Views, 8 Votes ,3.25 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Fable of the porcupine   2/21/2011

It was the coldest winter ever. - Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions even though they gave off heat to each other.

After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, ...


1 Comments, 96 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
grandpa   2/21/2011

My small granson got lost at the mall the other day

He approached a uniformed security guard and said, "I've Lost My Grandpa!"

The Guard smiled and asked "Whats he like?"

The little tyke hesitated for a second and replied

"CROWN ROYAL WHISKEY AND WOMEN WITH BIG TITS..."
...


1 Comments, 110 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
QUICK DRAW   2/21/2011

A cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the west. The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. "Do you think you could give me some tips?" he asked.

The old man looked him up and down and said, ...


1 Comments, 104 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Send Help   2/21/2011

A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!"

The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first ?"

He says, "No! This is her fucking husband!"


0 Comments, 94 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
May I Help?   2/21/2011

At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, "No."

A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?"

"I don't know, " said the woman. "Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?"


0 Comments, 80 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
"Why'd you get her both?"   2/21/2011

Rich man and a poor man have the same wedding anniversary. They're both at Madison Avenue shopping for their wives.

Poor man says to the Rich man, "What'd you get your wife this year?"

He says, "A Mercedes and a huge diamond ring."

The poor man says, "Why'd you get her both?"

The Rich man says, "If she doesn't like the ring, she can take it back happy." ...


0 Comments, 87 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
You shouldn't do that   2/21/2011

A Little Rabbit is running happily through the woods when he comes across a Giraffe rolling a joint. He runs up the Giraffe and says, "Hey, Giraffe. You shouldn't do that. Think of your health. You should come running in the woods instead!" The Giraffe looks at the Little Rabbit, looks at the spliff, shrugs his shoulders, tosses the joint over his shoulder and runs off through the wood with the ...


0 Comments, 84 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Survey   2/21/2011

Researcher: Excuse me madam, I'm conducting a survey.

Woman: Yes, what is it about?

Researcher: We are asking people what they think about sex on the television...

Woman: Very uncomfortable, I would imagine!


0 Comments, 70 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Fifi is in heat   2/21/2011

"Mom, may I take the for a walk around the block?" a little girl asked. "No, I don't think so. Fifi is in heat, " replied the mother. "What does that mean?" asked the . Embarrassed and not wanting to get into a biological discussion with her young , the Mother said, "Oh, just go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take ...


0 Comments, 99 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
Onlyeatblackpie 52 M
7  Articles
Masturbation   2/21/2011

A man tells his , "if you don't stop masturbating, you'll go blind." His replies, "Dad I'm over here!"


2 Comments, 135 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE MARINE   2/20/2011

A former Sergeant, having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back.

He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the ...


2 Comments, 141 Views, 12 Votes ,5.10 Score
rotn2dacore 69 M
11  Articles
Momma   2/20/2011

A man was making love to his wife one night when their 12 yr. old burst into their room. The father never missed a stroke just looked up at the boy and started laughing. HA HA HA A few days later the father heard a noise coming from his 's room and went to investigate. When he walked in, he saw his screwing the hell out of his(the boy's) grandmother. The boy looked up and said:'Yeah Dad. It's ...


1 Comments, 183 Views, 9 Votes ,3.85 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
"Cindy"   2/20/2011

A young single guy is on a cruise ship, having the time of his life. On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into an iceberg and begins to sink. Passengers around him are screaming, flailing, and drowning but our guy manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood and, using every last ounce of strength, swims a few miles through the shark-infested sea to a remote island.

Sprawled on ...


0 Comments, 120 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
"Harriet, she's a ."   2/20/2011

George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off. Harriet objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude."

"Harriet, she's a ."

"I don't believe you. That sweet young ...


0 Comments, 123 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
the front tire went flat   2/20/2011

The limousine was taking the beautiful, raven-haired model to the airport. Halfway there, the front tire went flat. The model said, "Driver, I don't have time to wait for road service. Can you change it yourself?" The driver said, "Sure." He got out of the car and proceeded to change the tire, but couldn't get the wheel cover off. The model saw him struggling and asked, "Do you want a ...


0 Comments, 95 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
sheet pulled over her head   2/20/2011

A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the bedroom. He found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast asleep. Not to be denied, the horny husband crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make love to her. Afterward, he hurried downstairs for something to eat and was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee. "How'd you get down here so ...


0 Comments, 138 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
"Driving to Chicago!"   2/20/2011

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him, "Charlie, what are you doing?"

Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!"

The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well Charlie, how are you doing?" ...


0 Comments, 80 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
girls track team   2/20/2011

The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad steroids. The team's performance soars. They win the county and state championship until one day they are favoured to win nationals easily.

Penelope, a 16-year-old hurdler visits her coach and says, "Coach, I have a problem. Hair is starting to grow on my chest."

"What?" the coach says in a panic, "How far down does it ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
He's four   2/20/2011

Two walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, ", how old are you?"

"Eight, " the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They are for my brother, he's four. We saw on TV that if you ...


0 Comments, 89 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
I'll come back   2/20/2011

"I can't find a cause for your illness, " the doctor said. "Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."

"In that case, " replied his patient, "I'll come back when you are sober."


0 Comments, 57 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
How much   2/20/2011

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night.

Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

"I'm 90 years old, " he says.

"90!" replies the woman. "Don't you realize you've had it?"

"Oh, sorry, " says the old man, "how much do I owe you?"


0 Comments, 77 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
marriage counsellor   2/20/2011

A young couple, on the brink of divorce, visits a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife, "What�s the problem?" She responds, "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation." The counsellor turns to her husband and inquires, "Is that true?" The husband replies, "Well not exactly, she's the one that suffers, not me."


0 Comments, 75 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
IT'S BEEN A TOUGH YEAR   2/19/2011

The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

I ordered a burger at McDonald's, and the behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds, " you have to call them and ask if they mean you or them .

Hot Wheels and Matchbox ...


0 Comments, 56 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FROM THE MOUTH OF BABES   2/19/2011

A little boy was sitting on the footpath with a bottle of Turpentine. He was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles.

A Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.

The little boy said, 'This is the most powerful liquid in the world; it's called Turpentine.'

The Priest said, 'No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you rub it on a ...


0 Comments, 74 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE WEDDING NIGHT   2/19/2011

Roger , 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old . Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure ...


0 Comments, 93 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
3 LITTLE PIGS   2/19/2011

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.

She read. 'And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'

The teacher paused then asked ...


0 Comments, 84 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SEX AND GOOD GRAMMER   2/19/2011

On his 70th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for.

The old man handed a potion to ...


0 Comments, 75 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO   2/19/2011

A lover, whose was a female and "in heat', agreed to look after and house her neighbor's male while they were away on vacation.

She had a large house and believed that she could keep them apart , but as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds . She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage , ...


0 Comments, 112 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
Piss Pot Pete at the Blue Balls Bar   2/19/2011

Now gather round and I'll tell a story of old, When men were brave and women were bold. It all started a way out west, To settle the bet of who was best.

Now Old Lill f*cked everything that crawled or creeped, And piled her victims in a great big heap. There wasn't a man for miles around With a big enough rod to f*ck her down.

Now news of this boast traveled far and wide; ...


1 Comments, 95 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Neanderthal   2/19/2011

According to archaeologists, for millions of years Neanderthal man was not fully erect.

That's pretty easy to understand considering how ugly Neanderthal woman were.


0 Comments, 47 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Mustang Ranch   2/19/2011

The tour bus traveling through northern Nevada passed briefly at the Mustang Ranch, near Sparks.

The guide noted: "We are now passing the largest house of in America."

A male passenger shouted "WHY?!?"


0 Comments, 77 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Viagra!   2/19/2011

They finally released the ingredients in Viagra! 3% Vitamin E, 2% Aspirin, 2% Ibuprofen, 1% Vitamin C, 5% Spray Starch, 87% Fix-A-Flat


0 Comments, 65 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Young Bill was courting Mabel   2/19/2011

Young Bill was courting Mabel, who lived on an adjoining farm out west in cattle country. One evening, as they were sitting on Bill's porch watching the sun go down over the hills, Bill spied his prize bull fucking one of his cows. He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to put the hard word on Mabel. He leaned in close and whispered in her ...


0 Comments, 70 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Why are all the blinds closed?"   2/19/2011

A patient awakened after a serious operation only to find herself in a room with all the blinds drawn. Why are all the blinds closed?" she asked her doctor. Well, the surgeon responded, "They're fighting a huge fire across the street, and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation had failed."


0 Comments, 67 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
"How much?"   2/19/2011

A guy's walking down the boardwalk in Atlantic City and he runs into a . He says, "How much?" She says "Twenty bucks." He says, "All right." They climb down under the boardwalk, and he bangs her. The next night, he runs into the same , they go under the boardwalk, only this time while he's banging her, she blasts two incredible farts. When they get done, he hands her twenty-five dollars. She ...


0 Comments, 69 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Remember   2/19/2011

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life in 2011- Remember

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written An impressive new book. It's called ....... 'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'



2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink And be Mary..

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss. The Pope only expects you To kiss his ring.

4. My mind works ...


0 Comments, 41 Views, 0 Votes
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE KOALA & THE LIZARD   2/18/2011

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'

The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints.

After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was ...


0 Comments, 59 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FOOTBALL EXPLAINED TO A BLONDE   2/18/2011

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

'Oh, I really liked it, ' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.'

Dumbfounded, her date asked, ...


0 Comments, 66 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
they want the baby   2/18/2011

Two gay men decide that they want to have a baby, but they don't want to adopt because they want the baby to be as close to their own as possible. So they both masturbate into a cup and have a doctor use their sperm to impregnate a female friend of theirs. Nine months later, the two fags are looking at their baby in the hospital nursery. All of the babies are crying and screaming except for ...


0 Comments, 83 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
huge guy marries a tiny girl   2/18/2011

A huge guy marries a tiny girl, and at the wedding, one of his friends says to him, "How the hell do the two of you have sex?" The big guy says, "I just sit there, naked, on a chair, she sits on top, and I bob her up and down." His friend says, "You know, that don't sound too bad." The big guy says, "Well, it's kind of like jerking off, only I got somebody to talk to."


0 Comments, 75 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
oral sex this morning   2/18/2011

A man is at the dentist's for a check-up. As the dentist leans over, he asks, "Well... So you had oral sex this morning?" "How did you know?" asks the man, embarrassed but also amazed at his dentist's perception. "Was it the smell on my breath?" "No" says the dentist. "Well, did you see a pubic hair caught in my teeth?" asks the man. "No" says the dentist. "Well, what then? How did you know?" ...


0 Comments, 75 Views, 1 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Swapping story   2/18/2011

Two couples had gone away for the weekend. The two guys, Jack and Bill, have decided to try to persuade their wives to do a bit of partner swapping for the night. After several drinks that night they succeed.

Jack knows it's that time of the month for his wife and the thought of Bill not knowing this makes him smile. The guys agreed that when they sit around the breakfast table the ...


0 Comments, 81 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
Pest Control Inspection   2/18/2011

A married woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

"Quick, " said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" She pushed him into the closet stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom ...


0 Comments, 86 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
at Church the Other Day.......   2/18/2011

There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties. He then calls the girl and gives her $50 and says "Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties as it is not good to walk around without any panties on." The girl then goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks her ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
One Liner's   2/18/2011

Q. What is the last thing you want to hear in a GAY bar? A. May I push your stool in?

Q. Do you know what the square root of 69 is? A. Ate something. (8.xxxxxxx....)

Q. But do you know what 6.9 is? A. A good thing screwed up by a period.

Q. You know what it taste like to go down on a 80 year-old woman? A. Depends.

Q. You know what it looks like? A. Ever tried ...


0 Comments, 71 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE QUEEN & DOLLY   2/17/2011

The Queen & Dolly Go To Heaven !! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.

The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go ...


0 Comments, 70 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
AGING   2/17/2011

MY NAME IS ALICE , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.

I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

...


1 Comments, 105 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Rehab Meeting   2/17/2011

A group of prisoners are in their rehabilitation meeting. Their task for today is to each stand up in turn speak their name and admit to their fellow inmates what crime they committed. The first prisoner stands and says "My name is Daniel and I'm in for murder" Everyone gives him approving looks and pats on the back for admitting his wrongdoing. The next guy stands up and says "My name is Mike ...


0 Comments, 93 Views, 3 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
don't want to make him mad   2/17/2011

Two aliens landed in the West Texas desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader." The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The alien repeated the greeting. There was no response. The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pump's haughty attitude, drew his ...


0 Comments, 61 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
can't wait to go out on the town   2/17/2011

The couple has been married only two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, can't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. "Honey, " says he to his new bride, "I'll be right back..." "Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asks the wife. "I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer." "You want a beer, My Love?" She opens the refrigerator door shows him 25 ...


0 Comments, 81 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
woman's ultimate fantasy   2/17/2011

Ask any man what a woman's ultimate fantasy is and they will tell you, to have two men at once. According to a recent social logical study this is true, however most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking, and the other is cleaning.


0 Comments, 72 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
A hippy walks into a Bar and Grill   2/17/2011

A hippy walks into a Bar and Grill. The waiter comes up to him and asks him if he wants anything. So the Hippy says 'Yeah a cheeseburger. Not too well done, not to rare, but right in the groove.' So the waiter brings his burger and asks if he wants anything to drink. He says 'A cup of tea. Not too hot, not too cold, but right in the Groove.' The waiter's kinda getting pissed now, but he brings ...


0 Comments, 73 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Stryker624 61 M
16  Articles
Redneck Etiquette   2/17/2011

GENERAL RULES: 1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT: 1. When decanting ...


2 Comments, 96 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
rm_SirFree1 66 M
3  Articles
The Why's of Men   2/17/2011

The Why's of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (because they are plugged into a genius) ----------------------------------------------- 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX? (they don't have enough time) ----------------------------------------------- 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions) ...


1 Comments, 60 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
California Legislature   2/17/2011

A bill is being introduced into the California Legislature.

the bill proposes making it legal to shoot street mimes.

Of course, you would have to use a silencer......






0 Comments, 43 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
Fear of What Goes Bump in the Night......   2/17/2011

EVER SINCE I WAS A , I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM 'I've got problems.







Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year, ' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able ...


0 Comments, 63 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
LATEX GLOVES   2/16/2011

Next time you use a pair of latex gloves when you're painting or crafting, you're going to smile when you think of this:

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.

'No, I don't, ' she replied.

'Well, ' he spoofed, ...


0 Comments, 93 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
large assignment   2/16/2011

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?" "I just saw one of your garters!" "Get out of my classroom, " she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!" The teacher ...


0 Comments, 96 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Severe stress disorder   2/16/2011

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially ...


0 Comments, 74 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Really old Johnny story   2/16/2011

One day Johnny was sitting in class and had to go to the bathroom so he raised his hand to ask the teachers permission. The teacher told Johnny if he could say the alphabet he could go to the bathroom. Johnny stumbled through it and got it all wrong and had to hold it. So Johnny studied and studied and felt as though he knew the alphabet perfectly. The next day when Johnny had to use the bathroom ...


0 Comments, 63 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
homosexual guys were walking   2/16/2011

Two homosexual guys were walking down the road when one looked at the other and said "You see that guy across the road?" "Wow, he's cute!!!" the other said.

"Well, I had sex with that guy a couple of years back."

"No shit???" the other asked.

"Not much..." replied the first.


0 Comments, 69 Views, 1 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
surprised to see a parrot   2/16/2011

In reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped into the seat next to him. The man asks the stewardess for a cup of coffee and the parrot squawks, "And why don't you get me a whisky you bitch." The stewardess, flustered by the parrot's outburst, brings back a whisky for the parrot but inadvertently forgets the man's cup of coffee. As the man nicely points out the omission ...


0 Comments, 59 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
On their way to the morgue   2/16/2011

There were 3 gay men and their partners all died at around the same time. On their way to the morgue, the guy who worked there asked them where they want to spread their partners ashes. The first gay guy says, "I want to spread his ashes over the ocean because he loved to swim!" The second gay guy says, "I want to spread his ashes on a mountain because he loved to climb." And then the third gay ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Be careful what you wish for - you might get it   2/16/2011

There were three guys that won a contest. They would get to spend a year in a room with anything they chose. The first guy loves to have sex. So they put him in a room for a year with over 200 girls to have sex with for a year. The second guy loved to get drunk. So they put him in a room with every beer there ever was to drink for a year. The third guy loved to smoke. So they put him in a room ...


0 Comments, 68 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
300% impotent   2/16/2011

A woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent.

The doctor says, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean."

She says, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!"


0 Comments, 69 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
knocks at the door   2/16/2011

A salesman knocks at the door of a home and it's answered by a 12yr old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half empty bottle of scotch in the other.

The salesman asks the boy, "Excuse me but is your mom or dad in?"



To which the boy replies, "Does it look like it?"


0 Comments, 51 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Smokeybear4400 48 M
16  Articles
Tight!!!   2/16/2011

This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning ...


1 Comments, 114 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
URGENT ! ! ! URGENT MEDICAL ALERT !   2/16/2011

The CDC has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!! This virus will wipe out your private life entirely. If you ...


0 Comments, 52 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
MEN .....BEWARE ! ! !   2/16/2011

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, partygoers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

A drug on the market called "beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs." ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS...   2/16/2011

Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.

A couple in Sweetwater , Texas , had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the ...


0 Comments, 72 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
but don't go   2/16/2011

In God we trust!





A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal ...


0 Comments, 49 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
actually, what she said was...   2/16/2011

My just walked into the living room and said "Dad - cancel my allowance, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window. Take my TV, stereo, iPhone, and jewelry to the charity shop. Sell my car, take my front door key, and throw me out of the house".



Well, she didn't actually put it like that... actually, what she said was...





"Dad this is my ...


0 Comments, 96 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MY FAVORITE ANIMAL   2/15/2011

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.

He said they ...


1 Comments, 65 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
really?   2/15/2011

NSA is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you and your partner can feel the true warmth.


0 Comments, 28 Views, 0 Votes
Trap joke   2/15/2011

An Aussie invents a new mouse trap. It consists of a ramp with a razor blade at the top, set at right angles. The patent officer asks, "How does it work?" The Aussie says, "The mouse walks up the ramp. When he leans over to get the cheese, his neck goes onto the razor blade and it slits his throat." The officer says, "There wouldn't be nearly enough pressure to slit its throat. Get lost!" After ...


2 Comments, 58 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
Fire engine joke   2/15/2011

Dave says to a sexy girl, "Do you want to play the fire engine game?" She asks, "How do you play that?" "Well, " says Dave, "my fingers are the fire engine, and I drive up your legs. You say 'Red light!' when you want me to stop." "Okay, let's play, " agrees the girl. After a few seconds, she giggles, "Red light!" Dave says, "Fire engines don't stop for red lights."


1 Comments, 45 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
Old people joke   2/15/2011

"Why are old people always doing puzzle books? Surely by the time you're in your seventies there's enough s**t that puzzles you without forking out a fiver!"


1 Comments, 32 Views, 2 Votes ,0.34 Score
Student joke   2/15/2011

Students can study all sorts of things these days, but then the exams are a lot easier. I know this because I recently passed an exam in cheerleading, I just went in and said give me an 'A' and they did.


0 Comments, 27 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
Stroke joke   2/15/2011

"You shouldn't make jokes about strokes, if you ever have one you'll be laughing on the other side of your face."


0 Comments, 24 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
TV Remote joke   2/15/2011

I had this TV remote, and it had a big red button that said 'Cinema Sound.' So I clicked it and this voice behind me went


0 Comments, 31 Views, 3 Votes ,0.49 Score
Wedding ring joke   2/15/2011

Q. What's the difference between a purity ring and a wedding ring? A. The first one means, "I love you, but we won't have sex" and the other one... actually, there is no difference.


0 Comments, 23 Views, 3 Votes ,0.98 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Moral of the story   2/15/2011

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions even though they gave off heat to each other. After a while, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and ...


0 Comments, 57 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Hunting   2/15/2011

Two Oklahoma hunters are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground.

They approach it and are amazed by the size of it.

The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole;

I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is."

The second hunter says, " I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it ...


0 Comments, 66 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
She timidly asked   2/15/2011

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?"

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold ...


0 Comments, 60 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
JENNY CRAIG FOR MEN   2/14/2011

A guy calls the company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

The sign reads, 'If you can ...


0 Comments, 63 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE GIRL LODGER   2/14/2011

A Scottish couple took in an 19-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts, " she said.

The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.

After her ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
Valentine's Day Cards   2/14/2011

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending ...


0 Comments, 68 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
she only cheated 3 times in 50 years.....   2/14/2011

Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Sam says to her, "Becky, I was wondering - have you ever cheated on me?"

Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."

"Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..."

"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..."

"Three? Well, when were they?" he asked. ...


0 Comments, 64 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
Truth in Politics.....a Farmer's Wisdom   2/14/2011

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out looking for the missing politicos, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The farmer ...


0 Comments, 55 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
New Car Shopping......   2/14/2011

A lady walked into a Lexus dealership to browse, and spotted the most beautiful, perfect loaded Lexus and walked over to inspect it closer. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little burst of flatulence escaped her. Very embarassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed. Sure enough, there standing behind her was a salesman.

With a ...


0 Comments, 52 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
massage   2/14/2011

A young guy was laying on his back on a massage table, wearing only a towel over his groin. A young, very attractive Swedish girl was massaging his shoulders, then his chest, and gradually worked her way down his torso. The guy was getting sexually excited as the masseur approached the towel. The towel began to lift and the Swedish girl arched her eyebrows. "You wanna wank?" she asked. "You bet, ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
fortune-teller's answer   2/14/2011

A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune-teller's tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down. "Ah....." said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two ." "That's what you think, " said the man scornfully. "I'm the father of THREE ." The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOU think!"


0 Comments, 62 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
"Is that for sale?"   2/14/2011

A well-stacked young advertising secretary wore tight knit dresses that showed off her figure, especially when she walked. Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door. Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked, "Is that for sale?" "Of course not!" she snapped angrily, blushing furiously. Unchanged, he replied quietly, "Then, I suggest you ...


0 Comments, 65 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
What's the idea   2/14/2011

A man comes home from a night of drinking. As he falls through the doorway, his wife snaps at him, "What's the big idea coming home half drunk?" The man replies, "I'm sorry honey. I ran out of money."


0 Comments, 57 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Faithful????   2/14/2011

A man wanted to determine if both his wife and mistress were faithful to him. So he decided to send them on the same cruise, then later question each one on the other's behavior. When his wife returned, he asked her about the people on the trip in general, then casually asked her about the specific behavior of the passenger he knew to be his mistress. "She slept with nearly every man on the ship, ...


0 Comments, 68 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Sixteen   2/14/2011

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his younger cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen." the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he answered so quickly. "How do you know that?"

"Easy, " the little boy said, "all you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said: 'Four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer'."


0 Comments, 86 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Whack!   2/14/2011

A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers. Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared. The man somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him." "Suit yourself, " the farmer replied, "the hens are round ...


0 Comments, 59 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
You think you've got it bad   2/14/2011

There's a few guys who always get together on Fridays after work for a drink... One Friday, Jeff showed up late, sat down at the bar, and kicked back his entire first beer in one gulp... Then he turned to Bob and said, "Times are getting tough my friend, I mean, just today my wife told me that she's going to cut me back to only two times a week... I can't believe it"... At which point Bob put his ...


0 Comments, 59 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
"Deepest Condolences"   2/13/2011

Karen had lost her husband four years prior and was having trouble moving on. Her repeatedly urged her to return back to the world. Finally, Karen agreed to go out, but didn't know anyone. Her knew just the person for her.

They fell in love and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There ...


0 Comments, 95 Views, 7 Votes ,2.53 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
Medical Ethics.....   2/13/2011

A woman visiting her doctors office suddenly blurts out, Doctor, kiss me! The doctor looks at her and says that it would be against his code of ethics to kiss her.

About 20 minutes later the woman shouts again, Doctor, please, kiss me just once! Again he refuses apologetically but says that as a doctor he simply cannot kiss her.

Finally another 15 minutes pass, and the ...


0 Comments, 87 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
Honest Abe   2/13/2011

A man wearing a stovepipe hat, a fake beard, and a waistcoat sits down at a bar and orders a drink.

Going to a party? the bartender asks.

Yeah,  the man replies, Im supposed to go dressed as my love life.

But you look like Abe Lincoln.

Thats right. My last four scores were seven years ago.


0 Comments, 74 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
How Many Perverts Does it Take.....   2/13/2011

.....................................................................................................................How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb? Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!

What's the definition of a ? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

Hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom? They'll never see you coming.

...


0 Comments, 66 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
a priest and his cock   2/13/2011

The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing. He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church. During mass, he asked the congregation, 'Has anybody got a cock?

All the men stood up. ...


0 Comments, 72 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
How will you know   2/13/2011

Three women walking down the street are stopped by a man doing a survey. He asks, "Ladies, would you mind telling me how you know if you've had a good night out?" The first replies, "I come home, get into bed and if I lay there and tingle all over, I know that I had a good night." The second one replies, "I come home, have a shower and a glass of wine, get into bed, and if I tingle all over, I ...


0 Comments, 64 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
first time contestant   2/13/2011

Jane was a first time contestant on the $65, 000 quiz show, where you have to answer questions to win the cash prize.

Lady luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had a gained substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host could ask her the big question. Needless to say, Jane agreed to return the following ...


0 Comments, 57 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Priceless   2/13/2011

Men's Mastercard Commercial

Cover Charge $15.00 Round of Drinks $23.00 Table Dance- $30.00 Another round of drinks $23.00 Couch dance and tips $50.00 A round of shots $34.00 Private dance in your hotel room $300.00 Being able to send her on her way and never have to hear her complain: ***PRICELESS****


0 Comments, 52 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Do you think   2/13/2011

A guy starts talking to two women in a bar, they turn out to be Siamese twins, and they wind up back at his apartment. He makes love to one, and then starts to work on the other. He realizes that the first one might get bored watching, so he her asks what she'd like to do. She says, "Is that a trombone in the corner? I'd love to play your trombone." So she plays it while he screws her sister. A ...


0 Comments, 66 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
horny and wanted release   2/13/2011

A salesman in a strange city was feeling horny and wanted release. He inquired for the address of a good house of ill repute. He was told to go to 225 West 42nd St. By mistake, he went to 255 West 42nd St, the office of a podiatrist. Being met by a beautiful woman in a white uniform surprised but intrigued him. She directed him to an examining room and told him to uncover and someone would be ...


0 Comments, 56 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Tourist in Austrailia   2/12/2011

A tourist arrived in Australia, hired a car and set off for the outback. On his way he saw a bloke having sex with a sheep. Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and ordered a straight Scotch. Just as he was about to throw it back, he saw a bloke with one leg masturbating furiously at the bar. "For fuck's sake!" the bloke cried, "what the hell's going on here? I've been here one hour ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
HIV testing   2/12/2011

Seems this elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV.

When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age, the old man said, "Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual sex!"


0 Comments, 64 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Birthday Party   2/12/2011

These two poor go to a birthday party at a rich 's house. The is so rich that he has his own swimming pool and all the go in.

As they're changing afterwards, one of the poor says to the other one, "Did you notice how small the rich 's penises were?"

"Yeah, " says his mate, "It's probably because they've got toys to play with."


0 Comments, 73 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Overweight   2/12/2011

A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, Doctor, " she said, "I guess I let myself go."

The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad."

"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked.

The doctor ...


2 Comments, 127 Views, 8 Votes ,2.55 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
massive hangover and can't remember   2/12/2011

Morris wakes up in the morning. He has a massive hangover and can't remember anything he did last night. He picks up his bath robe from the floor and puts it on. He notices there's something in one of the pockets and it turns out to be a bra. He thinks "bloody hell what happened last night??". He walks towards the bathroom and finds a panty in the other pocket of his robe. Again he thinks "what ...


0 Comments, 66 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Dynamite   2/12/2011

A large, powerfully-built guy named Raymond meets a woman named Polly at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, Raymond stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, Raymond flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" Polly begins to drool. Raymond then drops his pants, ...


1 Comments, 89 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Sample bottle   2/12/2011

Two women walked into a department store, stopped at the perfume counter and picked up a sample bottle. One sprayed the perfume on her wrist and smelled it. "That's nice, isn't it?" Sharon said waving her arm under her friend's nose.

"Yeah. What's it called?" "Viens a moi." "Viens a moi? What's that mean?"

A clerk offered some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to ...


0 Comments, 64 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
A must read   2/12/2011

A must read for Grandparents. ..(Those who aren't will love it, too.)

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?'

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?'

The ...


0 Comments, 68 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
unable to conceive   2/12/2011

The Smiths were unable to conceive and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come ...


0 Comments, 110 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
NIN204292 34 M
2  Articles
A mans car breaks down in a ditch   2/11/2011

and finds a lamp and rubs it, a genie pops out and says "my master i will give you three wishes. what is your first wish" the guy scratches his head "well i wish my car was out of the ditch" the genie wiggles his fingers and poof the car is out of the ditch. "what is your second wish my master" the genie said. "well i wish i had a new car" the genie wiggles his fingers and poof a awesome new car. ...


0 Comments, 80 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
IRISH CONVENT   2/11/2011

In a convent in Ireland, the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it.

One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a ...


1 Comments, 86 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
AS I MATURE   2/11/2011

I've learned that you can not make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. ...


0 Comments, 66 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
DEODORANT   2/11/2011

I got a new stick deodorant today. The instructions said: Remove cap and push Up bottom.

I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room Smells lovely.
...


0 Comments, 49 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
The Least Favorite Christmas Toy   2/11/2011

A last minute Christmas toy that a friend of mine’s young received –





a talking Muslim doll.





Nobody knows what the hell it says cause no one's got the balls to pull the cord….















..


1 Comments, 82 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
What will we name the baby   2/11/2011

A 16-year-old girl finally had the opportunity to go to a party by herself. Since she was very good-looking, she was a bit nervous about what to do if boys hit on her. Her mom said, "It's very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, you ask him, 'What will be the name of our baby?' That'll scare them off." So off she went. After a little while at the party, a boy started dancing with her, and ...


1 Comments, 140 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Partied all weekend   2/11/2011

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck. When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. "How ...


0 Comments, 64 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Nicoderm   2/11/2011

A gay guy walks into the doctors office. He takes off his clothes for examination. When he takes his clothes off the doctor sees a Nicoderm patch at the end of his penis.

The doctor says... "Hmmm, that's interesting...Does it work?"

The man answers.. "Sure does... I haven't had a butt in 3 weeks!"


0 Comments, 71 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Newly married   2/11/2011

A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter. "My love, " he wrote, "we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the evenings. ...


0 Comments, 73 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
One rainy night   2/11/2011

One dismal rainy night, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat. "Where to?" he stammered. "Union Station, " answered the woman. ...


0 Comments, 62 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
cosmetic surgery   2/11/2011

Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job." The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!" To which the first replies, "Whoa I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"


0 Comments, 71 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Anything else   2/11/2011

"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two. "No thank you." the gentleman replied. "That will be all." As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife ?" he asked. "Yeah ! That's a good idea." the fellow said. "Please bring up a postcard."


0 Comments, 54 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Ouch   2/11/2011

1. Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you. 2. I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy. 3. When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away. 4. A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him 'Why do you carry a 45?' The Ranger responded, 'Because they don't ...


0 Comments, 45 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
HISTORY   2/10/2011

Interesting piece of history

In 1872 Muslims invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.



In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
...


1 Comments, 90 Views, 7 Votes ,3.30 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
LIFE EXPLAINED   2/10/2011

On the first day, God created the and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed......

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, ...


0 Comments, 62 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WILL I LIVE TO SEE 80   2/10/2011

Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned sixty-something.)

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard ...


1 Comments, 83 Views, 10 Votes ,5.97 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE LAST NICKEL   2/10/2011

A father walks into a restaurant with his young . He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back.

The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.

Looking at his , the father is panicking, shouting for ...


1 Comments, 70 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
a virgin and very proud of it   2/10/2011

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it.

Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure

everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper 'final' arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker ...


0 Comments, 100 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
Car crash joke   2/10/2011

Did you hear about the bloke who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?

He's all right now...


0 Comments, 27 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
Fast and Furious joke   2/10/2011

I'm going to do a film review of The Fast and the Furious - watch out, there are spoilers.


0 Comments, 23 Views, 0 Votes
Bad driving joke   2/10/2011

A woman is driving along the road, swerving all over the place. She drives by a policeman who spots the dodgy driving and so he pulls her over. The policeman approaches the car and says to the lady, “is there a reason you are driving so carelessly?” The woman replies, “yeah, the trees in the road were getting in my way.” The policeman sighs, “those are your air fresheners.”


0 Comments, 29 Views, 0 Votes
Accident joke   2/10/2011

A man is driving down the road when he notices a car in a ditch. Usually he doesn't stop to help people so he drives on by. However, he notices in his rear view mirror that a pretty woman is in the driving seat so he goes back to help. As he is hooking his truck to her car he says, "you're the first pregnant woman I've ever helped out of a ditch." "But I'm not pregnant." She says. The man ...


0 Comments, 32 Views, 0 Votes
Frozen car joke   2/10/2011

How cold was it this morning? I had to use my B&Q discount card to scrape the ice off my windscreen! Didn't work though, only got 10% off.


0 Comments, 23 Views, 0 Votes
Cab driver joke   2/10/2011

"I had an amazing cab driver. He was smiling and whistling - clearly in a brilliant mood. He said, 'I love my job; I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do.' I said, 'Left here.'"


0 Comments, 23 Views, 0 Votes
football   2/10/2011

What do you call 60 men watching the superbowl? The Chicago Bears!


0 Comments, 18 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Simpsons joke   2/10/2011

Q. What are you if you get aroused by The Simpsons? A. Homersexual.


0 Comments, 19 Views, 0 Votes
Colour joke   2/10/2011

Q. What's the difference between pink and purple? A. Your grip.


0 Comments, 17 Views, 0 Votes
Hotel joke   2/10/2011

The lift doors in a hotel open and a beautiful blonde woman runs out. She hurries over to the reception desk and says to the man, "Excuse me, I'm in a dreadful rush, could you please check me out?" The clerk looks her up and down and says, "Not bad. Not bad at all."


0 Comments, 25 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Justin Bieber joke   2/10/2011

Q. What's the difference between puberty and a water bottle? A. Justin Bieber's been hit by a water bottle.


0 Comments, 14 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
At the Pearly Gates   2/9/2011

Obama dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates. He is very excited; all his life he's had a secret wish and longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.



Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barack meets a man with a beard. 'Are you Mohammed?' he asks.



'No, my . I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up.' Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds. ...


2 Comments, 114 Views, 11 Votes ,5.78 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
24 HOURS TO LIVE   2/8/2011

Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live.

Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex.

Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.

About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, 'Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live.

Could we please do it one more time?' ...


0 Comments, 89 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE TICKETS   2/8/2011

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day, my wife and I went into town and visited a shop.

When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, “Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?”

He ignored us and continued ...


0 Comments, 90 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CONFUSED   2/8/2011

I became confused when I heard the word "Service" used with these agencies:

Internal Revenue 'Service' U.S. Postal 'Service' Telephone 'Service' Cable TV 'Service' Civil 'Service' State, City, County & Public 'Service' Customer 'Service'

This is not what I thought 'Service' meant.

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a ...


0 Comments, 74 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Country Doctor   2/8/2011

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complains, 'I've been a little sick to my stomach.'

The older doctor says, 'Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not ...


0 Comments, 98 Views, 8 Votes ,3.48 Score
Smokeybear4400 48 M
16  Articles
Just a few jokes for ya!   2/7/2011

Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common? A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms? A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.

Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator? A. Why are YOU shaking she's going to eat ME!

Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while ...


1 Comments, 69 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE GOLF BALL & THE SAND WEDGE   2/7/2011

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet. Then the woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, 'Dark in here.' The man says, 'Yes, it is.'

Boy - 'I have a ...


0 Comments, 108 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Old Man   2/7/2011

One day an old farmer fell asleep in the top level in a 2 level hay shed. When he woke up, he found his having sex with his girlfriend on the bottom level of the hayshed. He decided he wouldn't disturb them, so he laid down and rested. After a while he heard his say, "Father, father up above. Give me strength for one last shove." So the father, being smart, replied, ", down below. Get off and ...


1 Comments, 154 Views, 8 Votes ,2.09 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Young Mail Virgin   2/7/2011

A young male virgin, a shy college freshman, was lucky enough to have a roommate who was considerably more experienced with the opposite sex. When the bashful boy broke down and explained his predicament, his roommate offered to set him up with the campus floozy. "Just take her out to dinner and a show, and then let nature take its course, " he explained. "This girl really knows how to go from ...


0 Comments, 101 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Anything else   2/7/2011

"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two. "No thank you." the gentleman replied. "That will be all." As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife ?" he asked. "Yeah ! That's a good idea." the fellow said. "Please bring up a postcard."


0 Comments, 86 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
understandably curious   2/7/2011

Jack was returning to work Monday morning with two black eyes. His workmates were understandably curious: "Jack, what happened to you?!?" "It was the darndest thing! I was at church yesterday, and this fat lady stood up in front of me. You know how a dress can get stuck in the crack of the butt of a fat lady? It looked funny. I figured she wouldn't like that, so I just reached over and pulled it ...


0 Comments, 95 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Mowing the lawn   2/7/2011

A five-year-old boy was mowing his front lawn and drinking a beer.

The preacher who lived across the street saw the beer and came over to harass the . "Aren't you a little young to be drinking, ?" he asked.

"That's nothing, " the said after taking a swig of beer. "I got laid when I was three."

"What? How did that happen?"

"I don't remember. I was drunk."


0 Comments, 88 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
OLE & LENA   2/6/2011

Ole & Lena were having dinner one evening when Ole reached across the table, took Lena's hand in his and said, Lena, ya know, soon ve vill have been married fer 50 years, and der's sometin

I gotta know. In all of dos 50 years, have ya ever been unfaithful to me?"

Lena replied, "Vell Ole, I yust got to be honest vit ya. Ya, it's true, I've been unfaithful to ya tree times ...


2 Comments, 110 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WHATS THE BOARD FOR?   2/6/2011

These two guys had just gotten divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again.

They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again.

They got up there and went into a trader's store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year."

The trader got ...


0 Comments, 79 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MY HANDS SHAKE SO BAD   2/6/2011

Three old guys are sitting around complaining.

The first guy says, "My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning I almost cut my ear off."

The second guy says, "My hands shake so bad that when I ate breakfast today, I spilled half my coffee on my toast."

The third guy says, "My hands shake so bad that the last time I went to pee I came taking my cock ...


0 Comments, 75 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CAMEL SEX   2/6/2011

A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghanistan Desert . During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a Camel hitched up behind the mess tent.

He asks the PfC Verska why the camel is kept there. The nervous PFC said, 'Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have 'urges'. That's why ...


3 Comments, 112 Views, 12 Votes ,5.98 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
International Responses to Terror Threats   2/6/2011

International Responses to Terror Threats







The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea ...


0 Comments, 63 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
"Destiny"   2/6/2011

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be ...


0 Comments, 77 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
NOT the Charmin Commercial.....   2/6/2011

A bear and a bunny are sitting in a forest taking a shit. The bear leans over to the bunny and says "Do you ever have the problem of shit sticking to your fur"? The bunny says "No". So the bear grabs the bunny and wipes his ass.


0 Comments, 47 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
Summer on the Farm   2/6/2011

A farmer hires a college student one summer to help around the farm. At the end of the summer the farmer says, ", since you have done such a fine job here this summer, I am going to throw a party for you." The college guy says, "Right on, thanks a lot man." So the farmer says, "Well you better be able to handle a few beers because there will be lotsa drinkn' going on." College guy "Hey, I can ...


0 Comments, 82 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
the Secret   2/6/2011

A man walks into a bar and immediately realizes its a gay bar. He thinks to himself I'm not gay but I really want to to drink so he walks up to the bar. The bartender asks "What is the name of your penis?" The man says "Man get outta my face I'm not like that, just gimme a beer." The bartender replies, "I'm sorry sir but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis." The man says, ...


0 Comments, 87 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
Lost in the Desert   2/6/2011

There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been traveling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel. He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex ...


0 Comments, 55 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
the dr appointment   2/6/2011

A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is orange." Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange. Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life."

Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How ...


1 Comments, 76 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Three Holy Men and three Bears   2/5/2011

Three Holy Men & Three Bears!

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard - a real challenge would be to preach to a ...


2 Comments, 87 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
your enemies   2/5/2011

Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" Eighty percent held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, an avid golfer named Walter Barnes, who attended church only when the weather was bad.

"Mr. Barnes, it's obviously not a good morning for golf. It's good to ...


1 Comments, 91 Views, 9 Votes ,4.07 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
annual physical exams   2/5/2011

A young couple went to the doctor for their annual physical exams.

Afterwards, the doctor called the young man into his office and told him that he had some good news and some bad news. "The good news, " he explained, "is that your fiance has an particular strain of gonorrhea that I have only heard of once before."

The guy paled. "If that's the good news, then what the hell is ...


0 Comments, 92 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
minor surgery   2/5/2011

A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery and the day after the procedure, a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing. The friend was amazed at the number of Nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, give back rubs, etc. "Why all the attention ?" the friend asked. "You look fine to me."

"I ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
My hands shake so bad   2/5/2011

Three old guys are sitting around complaining.

The first guy says, "My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning I almost cut my ear off."

The second guy says, "My hands shake so bad that when I ate breakfast today, I spilled half my coffee on my toast."

The third guy says, "My hands shake so bad that the last time I went to pee I came taking my cock out."


0 Comments, 50 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Chatting   2/5/2011

Two soldiers were having a chat during their free time.

First Soldier: Why did you join the army?

Second Soldier: I didn't have a wife and I loved war. So I joined. How about you? Why did you join the army?

First Soldier: I had a wife and I loved peace. So I joined.


0 Comments, 70 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Ouch   2/5/2011

A guy was on his first date with a notoriously loose girl. She was immediately receptive to his foreplay after they parked. The petting went on and he put his hand in her panties. She seemed to be enjoying it, but suddenly objected, "Ouch! That ring is hurting me!"

"That's no ring... That's my watch!"


0 Comments, 74 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Caught   2/5/2011

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding on a condom. Johnny's father, in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it, bent over as if to look under the bed.

Little Johnny asked curiously "What ya doin dad?"

His father quickly replied, "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed, to which Little Johnny ...


0 Comments, 74 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
I had it all   2/5/2011

A man was complaining to a friend, "I had it all - money, a magnificent house, a fast car, the love of a beautiful woman... then, poof! It was all gone!"

"What happened?" asked the friend.

"My wife found out..."


0 Comments, 64 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
What is the board for?   2/5/2011

These two guys had just gotten divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again. They got up there and went into a trader's store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year." The trader got the gear together and on top of ...


0 Comments, 43 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Earring   2/5/2011

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a somewhat conservative fellow, so naturally he's curious about the sudden change in fashion sense. The man walks up to his co-worker and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring, " he replies sheepishly.

...


0 Comments, 46 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
PENGUINS   2/4/2011

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go? Wonder no more ! ! ! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its ...


0 Comments, 61 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
STANDARD PRICING PROCDURE   2/3/2011

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where a family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news, ' he said as he surveyed the worried faces. 'The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.

It's an experimental procedure, very risky, but it is the only ...


0 Comments, 75 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
Stryker624 61 M
16  Articles
Today's word is.................Fluctuations   2/3/2011

I was at my bank today; there was a short line.

There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.

It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller,

"Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, ...


1 Comments, 80 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
Smokeybear4400 48 M
16  Articles
Can i get a "Wassup!"? lol   2/3/2011

I have recently decided to post a new section on my blog for jokes. I love dirty jokes and I'm sure a lot of you do as well. So for all of you that do, please feel free to visit my blog page. You may comment or even add your own jokes to it! What I'm hoping to accomplish here is to make people laugh and have a good time, because after all is that not the reason that MOST of us are on here? Yes ...


4 Comments, 77 Views, 5 Votes ,0.53 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
that's what sacrifice is all about   2/3/2011

The President ordered the cabinet to cut a whopping $100 million from the $3.5 trillion federal budget!

I'm so impressed by this sacrifice that I have decided to do the same thing with my personal budget. I spend about $4000 a month maintaining our household but it's time to get out the budget cutting ax, go line by line through my expenses, and go to work.

I'm going to cut my ...


0 Comments, 73 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Needs will prepared   2/3/2011

An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a Will prepared.

The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office.

The woman replied, "You must understand, I've lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it be ...


0 Comments, 76 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
The Irish Nursing Home   2/3/2011

A Mexican family was considering putting their grandfather ( Abuelo ) in a nursing home. All the Hispanic facilities were completely full so they had to put him in an Irish home. After a few weeks in the Irish facility, they came to visit him. 'How do you like it here?' asks his grandson.

'It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful, ' says Grandpa.

'We're so ...


0 Comments, 92 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Low stress rate   2/3/2011

Southerners have the lowest stress rate because they do not take medical terminology seriously. You are going to die anyway, so live life.

Artery.............................. The study of paintings Bacteria.......................... Back door to cafeteria Barium............................ What doctors do when patients die Benign............................ What you be, after you be ...


0 Comments, 60 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Have been unfaithful   2/3/2011

> Ole & Lena were having dinner one evening when Ole reached across the > table, took Lena's hand in his and said, "Lena, ya know, soon ve vill > have been married fer 50 years, and der's sometin I gotta know. In > all of dos 50 years, have ya ever been unfaithful to me?" > > Lena replied, "Vell Ole, I yust got to be honest vit ya. Ya, it's > true, I've been unfaithful to ya tree times during ...


0 Comments, 57 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
RALPH & EDNA LOVE STORY   2/2/2011

Just because someone doesn ' t love you the way you want them to, doesn ' t mean they don t love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She ...


0 Comments, 67 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
DENTAL APT   2/2/2011

Old lady goes to a dentist; sits down, drops panties, and lifts legs. He says, "I'm not a gynecologist!" She says, "I know, I need my husband's teeth back!" ...


0 Comments, 43 Views, 0 Votes
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
54 YEAR OLD WOMEN   2/2/2011

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. ...


0 Comments, 76 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NOW THAT I'M OLDER   2/2/2011

NOW THAT I AM OLDER I THOUGHT IT WAS GREAT

THAT I SEEMED TO HAVE MORE PATIENCE. TURNS OUT

I JUST DON'T GIVE A SHIT
...


0 Comments, 46 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
LIFE IS SHORT   2/2/2011

Life is short! Break the rules!

Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably..

And never regret Anything that made you smile

The best things in life are free until the government finds out and taxes it.

My final wishes: I want to die nice and peacefully in my sleep like my Grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the other passengers riding in his car!
...


0 Comments, 32 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
LITTLE OLD MAN   2/2/2011

A little old man shuffled slowly into the 'Orange Dipper', an ice cream parlor in Naples , and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No, ' he replied, 'hemorrhoids ...


0 Comments, 56 Views, 0 Votes
Smartest Monkey Ever???   2/2/2011

The Monkey & The Cue Ball

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them.

Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. He then jumps onto the pool table and grabs one of the billiard balls. To everyone's amazement, he sticks it in his mouth, ...


1 Comments, 104 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
Gorgeous Car   2/1/2011

A woman walks into a Lexus dealer and her eyes were drawn to one of the cars in the showroom. She walked over to it and thought that it was the most beautiful car she had seen. She put her hands on it and inadvertently farted. Embarrassed, she looked around to see if anyone was there and noticed a salesman right next to her.

Flustered and trying to regain her composure, she asked the ...


2 Comments, 144 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
Funny Condom   2/1/2011

A guy walks into a drug store and buys a condom. On leaving the store, the pharmacist noticed that the guy was laughing. Thinking this a little odd, he figured the guy was weird and there was no law against weird guys buying condoms.

The next day he came in again, bought a condom, and laughed all the way out of the store. The pharmacists said to his assistant, "if that guy comes in ...


1 Comments, 136 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Furniture Dealer   2/1/2011

Ole, a furniture dealer from Fargo, ND, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.





After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. ...


1 Comments, 90 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
HYMN 365   1/31/2011

A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he Said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd ...


0 Comments, 70 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
INDIANS DON'T USE SADDLES   1/31/2011

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Northern Arizona when her car broke down.

An American Indian brave on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

He extended a hand and she climbed up behind him on the and off they rode. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out with a 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' ...


0 Comments, 83 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CAN'T FLY   1/31/2011

A man boards an airliner, takes his seat, and is surprised to find a large purple parrot in the seat next to him.

The aircraft takes off and a pretty flight attendant walks down the aisle past the man and his seat mate.

"Hey, bitch, "says the parrot, "bring me a whiskey and soda, and make it snappy!"

The FA looks annoyed, but walks on. A minute later, she walks ...


0 Comments, 74 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Blonde joke   1/30/2011

A blonde is tired of people thinking she is dumb, so she has her hair dyed black. On the way back, the road is blocked by a flock of sheep. She stops and, to prove she is not dumb, says to the shepherd, "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, can I have one?" He agrees and within seconds she says 289. "Amazing!" says the shepherd. "Help yourself to a sheep." Just as the now black-haired ...


0 Comments, 113 Views, 7 Votes ,3.30 Score
Blonde at the garage joke   1/30/2011

Blonde goes in a garage tells the mechanic car is spluttering. mechanic checks it all over , says to the blonde crap in the carburettor , blonde replys how often do i have to do that.


0 Comments, 83 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Holy trinity joke   1/30/2011

Three Catholic men and a Catholic woman are having coffee. The first Catholic man says, "My 's a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father.'" The second Catholic man says, "My 's a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic bloke then says, "My is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'." The lone woman ...


0 Comments, 76 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Execution joke   1/30/2011

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready! Aim!'' Suddenly the brunette yells, ''EARTHQUAKE!'' Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes. The guard brings the redhead forward ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Blonde on the computer joke   1/30/2011

How do you know if a blonde has used a computer? There is a wedge of cheese for the mouse.


0 Comments, 69 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score