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Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ALL IN THE FAMILY   2/14/2014

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughters bedroom. When she opened the door she found her naked on the bed with a vibrator.

"What are you doing?" She exclaimed.

The replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week, the father was in the ...


3 Comments, 291 Views, 16 Votes ,7.24 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
LEAVE ME ALONE   2/14/2014

Larry wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Larry looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean.

So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins ...


0 Comments, 161 Views, 10 Votes ,5.58 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
adult theme!   2/11/2014

JOKE....Adult Themes XX



(1) To make it straight, she pulls it.. To make it stand, she rubs it. To make it stiff, she licks it. To put it in, she pushes it. It's hell of a job threading a needle!!



(2) A guy donated blood to his girlfriend. When they broke up, he wanted his blood back. The girl threw a bloody kotex at him and said, I'll ...


2 Comments, 177 Views, 12 Votes ,5.27 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
laughsss   2/9/2014

The Why's of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (because they are plugged into a genius) ----------------------------------------------- 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX? (they don't have enough time) ----------------------------------------------- 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions) ...


1 Comments, 90 Views, 13 Votes ,3.14 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CONDOM INFO   2/8/2014

Condom's don't guarantee safe sex anymore...

A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the women's husband.

So ends todays public service announcement.


0 Comments, 49 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GET OUT!!!!!!   2/8/2014

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house..

She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'

The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'

'Doesn't matter, ' she said. 'Just get out.'


0 Comments, 37 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MARRIAGE   2/8/2014

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.

'Tie me up, ' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'

So he tied her up and went golfing.





Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.


0 Comments, 36 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
rm_scotian01 26 M
1  Article
Quick one liner   2/7/2014

What's the difference between pink and purple?









The grip


0 Comments, 27 Views, 4 Votes ,0.53 Score
word pun   2/4/2014

there was a popular cigarette brand CAPSTAN

that contained a sexy question

"Can A Prick Strike Thrice A Night? "

the answer to the question was in the same alphabets

"Not All, Though Some Pricks Are Capable"


0 Comments, 45 Views, 7 Votes
Nightingale   2/4/2014

Have you heard about the nightingale that did it for a lark?


0 Comments, 31 Views, 3 Votes
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
what a woman wants from her man!!   2/2/2014

a wants a man that owns a yacht, multiple mansions, multiple cars, private jet etc.....

in her twenties...she want a man that owns a business, professional athlete, owns a mansion....etc

in her thirties...she wants any man that have a job....

in her forties....she just want a man, any man.he could be unemployed and he will be fine.(she can take care of him financially) ...


0 Comments, 121 Views, 12 Votes ,3.33 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
DEER HUNTERS   1/31/2014

Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Frank’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Frank’s friends are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the ...


0 Comments, 194 Views, 15 Votes ,4.82 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GOLFING????   1/31/2014

Jim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes.

His wife was standing there watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit golfing . Maybe you should sell your golf clubs."

Jim gets this horrified ...


1 Comments, 173 Views, 11 Votes ,3.35 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ONE LINERS   1/31/2014

I may not be getting laid tonight, but I'm definitely banging my snooze button in the morning.

You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

Never laugh at your girlfriends choices..... you’re one of them.

Scooters are for men who want to ride motorcycles, but prefer to feel the wind on their vaginas.

Whenever I fill out ...


0 Comments, 100 Views, 6 Votes ,2.23 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
LOGIC   1/30/2014

Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at the bar drinking a beer. Jim turns to Bob and says,

"You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow, I think I'll go to the community college and sign up for some classes."

The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets with the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, ...


0 Comments, 150 Views, 10 Votes ,2.99 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
LONG TERM COMMITMENT   1/30/2014

Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, Looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, Fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.


0 Comments, 63 Views, 5 Votes ,0.86 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GOOD USE....   1/30/2014

A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small running around at her feet. “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?”

She said, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, ” he said, “what do you use it for?” “We use it ...


0 Comments, 128 Views, 11 Votes ,3.92 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
    1/30/2014

I was with a once.

She said I will do anything that your wife or girlfriend will not do.

Bless her heart, she sowed a button on my shirt.


0 Comments, 52 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MONEY PROBLEMS   1/30/2014

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide she'll become a .

She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."

She's there for five minutes when a guy pulls up and says, "How much?"

"A hundred dollars."

...


0 Comments, 144 Views, 13 Votes ,4.32 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
BREAKING NEWS   1/29/2014

An Irish farmer has sucessfuly grown a field full of dildos. Now he has problems with squatters.


0 Comments, 34 Views, 5 Votes ,1.51 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION   1/26/2014

1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila...floor.

2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

3. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

4. The main reason that santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

5. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self- help section?" She said if ...


0 Comments, 109 Views, 9 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NEW BULL   1/26/2014

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.

The first bull says, “Boys, we all know I’ve been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don’t know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain’t’ ...


2 Comments, 152 Views, 12 Votes ,4.39 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SOME QUICKIES   1/26/2014

I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today. Apparently the instruction 'finish off on her face' didn't mean what I thought it did.

I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your f**king will power'

I had a Trivia ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 4 Votes ,0.53 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
DIAPERS   1/26/2014

I know you have been laying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as "Luvs", "Huggies, " and "Pampers', while undergarments for old people are called "Depends".

Well here is the low down on the whole thing.

When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em, Hug'em and Pamper em.

When old people crap in their pants, it "Depends" on ...


0 Comments, 70 Views, 6 Votes ,1.37 Score
annie444u 52 C
135  Articles
The Pager   1/23/2014

After a horrible storm my best friend loaned me his dump truck so my sons, 12 and 8 could help me haul away a huge tree that had been uprooted in our back yard.

The boys were quite impressed with the warning bell which came on once the truck was shifted into reverse and commented on it repeatedly.

The following day my two young sons and I were standing in line at the grocery ...


4 Comments, 249 Views, 18 Votes ,5.85 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
REALLY EXCITED   1/21/2014

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.

"Well, " replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes, " replies Jeff with a laugh.

"Well, " says Paul, straightening up, "I finally got the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." ...


1 Comments, 185 Views, 16 Votes ,3.72 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE DELIVERY ROOM   1/21/2014

A young women goes to the hospital to have her baby. No husband or boyfriend is present.

The woman has her baby and then the nurse comes in and says I must warn you your baby is black. The woman says "Well I was in desperate need for money and there was a porno and the guy was black." The nurse quickly apologizes and says it was none of my business. The woman didn't seem to mind. ...


0 Comments, 157 Views, 9 Votes ,2.36 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ARTHUR GUINNESS   1/21/2014

There's a big conference of beer producers.

At the end of the day, all of the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar.

The president of 'Budweiser' orders a Bud, the president of 'Miller' orders a Miller Lite, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on.

Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybody's ...


2 Comments, 147 Views, 12 Votes ,4.04 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GERMAN TOURIST   1/21/2014

A senior citizen from Germany arrives at the Warsaw airport.

He presents his passport to the Polish immigration officer who looks it over and asks, "Occupation?"

And the German somewhat confused answers, "No, just visiting this time."


0 Comments, 78 Views, 10 Votes ,2.79 Score
1seeking1 58 F
4  Articles
Bananas are better than MEN because   1/16/2014

You don’t mind swallowing a banana. Bananas are always stiff. Bananas don’t know how to fart. A banana’s only purpose is to satisfy you. No one cares if you have two Bananas in bed with you at the same time. Another woman will never try to steal your Banana. Bananas can last the whole night through. Even the smallest Bananas are at least eight inches long. Can not take credit for this, it ...


4 Comments, 110 Views, 17 Votes ,3.27 Score
Blonds   1/15/2014

What do you call a blond with a dollar bill on her forehead??

All you can eat for under a buck


0 Comments, 34 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
lazeefuck 60 M
6  Articles
The brain is the largest sex organ...   1/13/2014

...unless you have a massive hemorrhoid and like it up the ass!


0 Comments, 40 Views, 4 Votes
EnchantingTimz 66 M
2  Articles
It is so cold.....   1/12/2014

It is so cold.....

I do not have to open my mail, it just shatters when I take it out of the mailbox.

I am considering grilling the groundhog if it predicts six more weeks of winter.


0 Comments, 60 Views, 4 Votes ,1.30 Score
foxeyatfifty 67 F
26  Articles
Dildo and cocks!!   1/10/2014

This story is not worthy of the advice line, but some may find it funny.. It reminded me as the last few days on the advice line has been about cocks and dildos..It reminded me of a situation my girlfreind told me about...Her husband and her were getting ready for work, there 5 yr old went in the parents bedroom while daddy was getting coffee and mummy was in the bathroom..Well he todled into ...


2 Comments, 242 Views, 14 Votes ,3.14 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GREAT SERVICE   1/8/2014

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?"

The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since an Efficiency Expert visited our ...


0 Comments, 170 Views, 11 Votes ,4.66 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Donald Duck and Daisy Duck   1/8/2014

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.

The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"

Donald frowned and said, "No."

Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.

"Maybe they sell them at the front desk, " she suggested.

So Donald went ...


1 Comments, 191 Views, 13 Votes ,3.81 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SOME THINGS SHOUD BE THOUGHT OUT BETTER   1/4/2014

Some guy just knocked on my door, selling raffle tickets for poor orphans. I said, “Fuck that – knowing my luck, I’d win one!” A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed. The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had screwed his wife. A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they fucked my wife after only five ...


0 Comments, 170 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ORGASMS   1/4/2014

When I was with my first wife, every time she had an orgasm, she used to punch me in the face. At first, I didn`t mind until I found out she was faking the orgasms. ...


1 Comments, 88 Views, 9 Votes ,3.64 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE GRAVEYARD   1/3/2014

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'
...


0 Comments, 101 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE COFFIN   1/3/2014

A man is walking home alone late one foggy night…when behind him he hears: Bump… BUMP… BUMP… Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him. BUMP… BUMP… BUMP… Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him FASTER… FASTER… BUMP… ...


0 Comments, 156 Views, 6 Votes ,1.37 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
11 MINUTES   1/3/2014

A State Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highway.

At nearly midnight, he sees a couple in a car, in lovers' lane, with the interior light brightly glowing.

He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine.

He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her ...


2 Comments, 227 Views, 10 Votes ,4.78 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
HIS WATCH   1/3/2014

A forest ranger on patrol happens upon an Indian just standing still and staring down at his exposed erection.

When the ranger asks what the hell he's doing, he says he's checking the time.

Huh? the ranger says? Works like a clock the Indian says. "Oh yeah, what time is it?" the ranger asks. Indian looks down and says, 3:07pm!" the ranger checks his watch and sees the Indian ...


0 Comments, 173 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A BAD DREAM   1/3/2014

Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'

'Aha, you'll know tonight, ' answered Max smiling broadly.

At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her ...


0 Comments, 154 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
Tennessee invention   1/1/2014

Did you know the toothbrush was invented in Tennessee? Yes, it was, and if it would have been invented anywhere else, it would have been named the "teethbrush".


0 Comments, 36 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NEW YEARS IS A COMIN   12/31/2013

For New Year's try this, at just a few seconds short of the stroke of midnight raise your left foot just off the floor...waiting till after midnight.

That way you can say you brought in the New Year on the right foot...
...


0 Comments, 58 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
OLD FARMER   12/31/2013

The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-old farmer, in town.

Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a 'mail order' bride.

Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true.

Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be.

Tom proudly said, "She'll be twenty-one ...


0 Comments, 193 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
END OF THE YEAR THOUGHT   12/31/2013

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
...


0 Comments, 54 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
VIAGRA   12/31/2013

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good ...


0 Comments, 62 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NEW DRUGS   12/31/2013

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it's generic name is Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has ...


0 Comments, 116 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ELEVATOR   12/31/2013

Today I was beaten up by this woman.

I was in the elevator when this busty lady got in.

I was staring at her boobs when she said,

˜Would you please press 1

So I did.

I don't remember much afterwards....

Recovery time 4 - 6 weeks.

...


0 Comments, 65 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NATIVITY SCENE   12/26/2013

There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this year !

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this Christmas season.

This decision is not based on religious reasons - they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol.

There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to ...


0 Comments, 81 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL   12/25/2013

Little DJ has his first day at school. His Mom was real worried, and when she picked him up from school at the end of the day, she anxiously asked him how his day went.

'Well, I came top of the class in Math, I made a touchdown in football, and I had sex with the teacher.' 'What! How dare you! Get into your room and wait till your father gets home!'

Little DJ goes to his ...


1 Comments, 202 Views, 11 Votes ,4.48 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?????   12/25/2013

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do.

The shrink said, "Since Christmas is coming up, you should ask Johnny what he wants Santa to bring him. If he cusses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of the gift or gifts he requests."

Two days before Christmas, Johnny's ...


0 Comments, 127 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FEMALE REINDEER   12/25/2013

What do all the female reindeer do when Santa is busy working with the males on Christmas eve?

Go into town and blow a couple bucks!

...


0 Comments, 48 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
JEWISH PUSSY CATS   12/21/2013

A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a totally deserted beach at Ft. Myers.

She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him.

"How are you today?"

"Fine, thank you, " he ...


1 Comments, 212 Views, 11 Votes ,3.54 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
AN IRISH FAMILY TRADITION   12/21/2013

Paddy, had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.

On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's, 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick, took a ...


0 Comments, 154 Views, 8 Votes ,3.01 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THIS HER????   12/21/2013

Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whose head was found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her.

A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said: "I don't think that's her, she wasn't that tall!" ...


0 Comments, 74 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SWITCH PARTNERS   12/21/2013

Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.

After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says: "I wonder how the girls are getting on".
...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE PROFESSIONAL BARTENDER   12/18/2013

A guy sat down at the bar and ordered a beer.

The bartender filled his mug and slid it down the bar.

While sliding down the bar, the mug hit a blond woman's boobs and splashed all over them...

The bartender went over, retrieved the mug and licked the beer off her boobs.

Each time the guy called for another beer this happened.

After his third ...


0 Comments, 191 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
YOUNG PRIEST   12/18/2013

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said,

''You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now."

The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, ''And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I ...


0 Comments, 159 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
Tennessee   12/17/2013

How do guys in Tennessee know their sister is dead? The sex is the same, but the dishes and laundry doesn't get done.


0 Comments, 28 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ON A PLANE   12/14/2013

A man had just boarded and settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his Black Labrador in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looked very quizzically at the and asked why the was allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the was a ...


0 Comments, 178 Views, 7 Votes ,3.30 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SWINGERS PARTY   12/13/2013

I got into an embarrassing situation at a swingers party last night.

I was fucking a right beautiful girl from behind when I looked up and realized that the guy at the other end of the spitroast, getting a blow job, was my dad.

I said "After 30 years of marriage I can't believe you are being unfaithful to mom." He said "I'm not."
...


0 Comments, 186 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
KEYHOLE TALK   12/13/2013

One evening John and his friend Tom were sitting in the bar getting drunk.

Tom turns to John and asks, do you remember those girls that we were talking to earlier? do you suppose those girls would make out with us?"

John says, "Dunno, but I'm drunk enough. Let's go and ask them!"

So off they go to the apartment where the girls lived. John stumbles up the steps and ...


0 Comments, 164 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SMART WIFE   12/13/2013

A woman was in bed with her husband's best friend, and things were heating up. All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs.

"Oh my God, your husband is home. What am I going to do?

The woman says "Aw, just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he ain't gonna notice you here with me."

The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than the ...


0 Comments, 193 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
VIRGINITY TEST   12/13/2013

Little Johnny grew up and was getting married. He asked his friend. How would I know if my wife is a virgin?

He was told to get himself an Irish Virginity test kit.

Little Johnny asked what that was.

His friend told him to "Get a Can of Red Paint, a can of Blue Paint and a Shovel."

Little Johnny: how on earth does that work?

His friend answered: ...


0 Comments, 202 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WHAT A COINCIDENCE!!!!!!   12/13/2013

A farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

'What a coincidence' the farmer said. 'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.'

'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating, ' said the woman.'

'What a coincidence!' ...


0 Comments, 178 Views, 6 Votes ,5.93 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
LETTERS TOO SANTA   12/13/2013

Dear Santa,

How are you?

How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of

Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas, Timmy Jones



*



*

Dear Timmy,

...


0 Comments, 155 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
waiting for his mother   12/13/2013

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, ", can you tell me where the Post Office is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and turn to your right."

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like for you to come to ...


1 Comments, 166 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ANOTHER PICKUP LINE ONLY BETTER   12/12/2013

Women in a bar says to the guy, gee you smell great what do you have on?

He says, A Hard On but I didn't realize you could smell it......


0 Comments, 92 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
PICABOO STREET?????   12/6/2013

Do you remember the famous Olympic skier Picabo Street? (pronounced Pee-Ka-Boo) Well, Picabo is not just an athlete. She is now a nurse currently working at an Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital. She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones any longer. It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say, Picabo, I.C.U....


0 Comments, 70 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
3 KICK RULE   12/6/2013

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee.

He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to ...


0 Comments, 183 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
RESPECT   12/6/2013

'Nelson Mandela dies at 95'

- Respect where it's due...

- That's 5 miles an hour faster than Paul Walker!

TOO EARLY????? LOL


0 Comments, 51 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
JUDAISM TO CATHOLICISM   12/4/2013

So Abe and Yossi, two nice Jewish guys are walking down the avenue. They pass a church and see a big sign reading "- RECEIVE $20 for Converting"

"Hey Abe, I'm going to do it"

"What, are you crazy Yossi?"

"No really, check it out Abe..."

And with that Yossi walks into the church. So Abe's waiting for him for about 20 minutes when Yossi finally comes out, ...


0 Comments, 148 Views, 9 Votes ,4.71 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ALICE KAPIPLIN   12/4/2013

Three nuns die in a plane crash and meet St Peter at the pearly gates. Peter say "Ladies you have led such exemplary lives that we've decided to let you go back and live any other life you might have wanted and you'll still be welcome afterwards."

The first nun say "Oh St Peter, I've always wanted to be Mother Teresa" Peter says " That's very noble of you" and poof she's gone to ...


0 Comments, 148 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE DOCTOR & THE HONEYBEE   12/4/2013

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love.

All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!".

The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought ...


0 Comments, 152 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
PAUL WALKER'S LAST ROLE   12/4/2013

Saturday, Paul Walker completed the last installment in the Fast and Furious series.

He was a co-star in the production of Too Fast, Too Flammable.



Seems Paul Walker went from Fast and Furious to Gone In 60 Seconds.



To Soon? LOL.......


2 Comments, 48 Views, 7 Votes ,0.24 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THREE MEN   12/4/2013

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season, " Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.

You may pass ...


0 Comments, 138 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD   12/4/2013

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 2011-11-27, 1:43 am. E.S.T. I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important ...


1 Comments, 196 Views, 9 Votes ,5.99 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Reduced gun crime   12/4/2013

* In 1863 a Democrat shot and killed Abraham Lincoln, President of the United States. * In 1964 a communist-turned Democrat killed John F. Kennedy * In 1983 a registered Democrat shot and wounded Ronald Reagan. * In 2007 a registered Democrat named Seung-Hui Cho shot and killed 32 people in Virginia Tech. * In 2010 a mentally ill registered Democrat named Jared Lee Loughner shot Rep. Gabrielle ...


1 Comments, 133 Views, 14 Votes ,5.22 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
PEPPERMINT   12/4/2013

I recently spent $6, 500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth. Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. ...


0 Comments, 121 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
The urologist is a very pretty female doctor   12/3/2013

An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor.

The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I ...


0 Comments, 192 Views, 9 Votes ,3.64 Score
Badtrev 44 M
9  Articles
Panda bear   12/2/2013

A panda bear, lonely due to it's reduced numbers, wanders out of the forest and makes his way into the city t find some company. He walks into a shop where he asks the storekeeper "I'm new here and am lonely. Where do lonely people go for company?" The storekeeper says, well if you want to meet people, then you can go to a coffee shop or a bar or a club, but if you're really really lonely, then ...


0 Comments, 109 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
BILLY BOB   12/2/2013

Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Lester,

"Ya know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different.

The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go.

Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Marie got pregnant.

Then two ...


0 Comments, 129 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
Cream Puff   12/1/2013

What do you call a woman that dose three men at the same time? A Cream Puff ...


2 Comments, 49 Views, 8 Votes
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE PARACHUTIST   11/30/2013

A young man joined the army and signed up with the paratroopers.

He went Through the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher And higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an Airplane.

The next day, he called home to tell his father the news. "So, did you jump?" asked the father. "Well, let me tell you what happened, " the said. ...


1 Comments, 138 Views, 10 Votes ,4.78 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CONFUCIUS SAY   11/30/2013

1. Passionate kiss like spider's web. Soon lead to undoing of fly.

2: Virginity like bubble. One prick, all gone.

3. Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

4. Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

5. Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

6. Gay Indian is also a brave sucker....


2 Comments, 80 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CASUALTIES OF WAR   11/30/2013

Bob walks into a tavern back in 2003 and is surprised to find George Bush and Dick Cheney at the bar discussing plans to invade Iraq.

He asks them what is going on. Bush says "We're gonna bomb the piss out of Iraq! I figure we'll kill maybe half a million Iraqis and a blond with big tits."

Bob asks "so why are you gonna kill a blond with big tits?"

...


0 Comments, 106 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MAN ON A BUS   11/30/2013

A man was travelling on a crowded bus.

A young lady was standing in front of him. After a while the man said, "Wow, what a big butt!"

Then the girl turned back and slapped him in the face. While she was turned back however, the man said again,

"Wow, what small boobs!"

The girl turned back again and slapped him one more time.

After a while the ...


1 Comments, 151 Views, 7 Votes ,3.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TWO PRESIDENTS   11/30/2013

President Obama walks in to a barber shop to get his hair cut, Soon after George Bush walks in to get his hair cut.

The barbers set to work cutting their hair not talking because they didn't want to start a political debate.

When the barber finished with President Obama's hair he asked "would you like some cologne?" Obama said "no thank you Michelle will ...


0 Comments, 110 Views, 8 Votes ,5.56 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NO MORE HEADACHES   11/30/2013

Woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."

"No more headaches?" The husband asks, "What happened?"

His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have ...


0 Comments, 109 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
solidsingh2 29 M
6  Articles
IMMUNE TO COLD   11/30/2013

ONLY 3 LIVING BEINGS ARE IMMUNE TO COLD:

1. POLAR BEARS

2. PENGUINS

3. FEMALES WEARING SLEEVELESS IN MARRIAGES



AND REST OF ALL FEELS COLD.......

HEEEEE..............HEEEEEE.......HEEEEEEEE....


0 Comments, 45 Views, 5 Votes ,0.53 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
BIKER STORY   11/27/2013

A young woman goes to her doctor’s office, afraid of the strange development on the inside of her thighs… A green spot on the inside of each. “They won’t wash off, they won’t scrape off and they seem to be getting worse.”

The doctor assures her he’ll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to worry until the tests come back.

A few days ...


1 Comments, 174 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
EXAM TIME   11/27/2013

A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow`s final exam.

She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student`s immediate family.

One smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best ...


1 Comments, 141 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A BLONDE IN CHURCH   11/27/2013

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation,

“Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.

I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family.” ...


2 Comments, 147 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
24 INCHES   11/27/2013

An elderly couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about a West African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long.

When the black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inches.

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the ...


0 Comments, 134 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
usband and wife and their two sons are watching TV   11/27/2013

A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while."

Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little ...


0 Comments, 80 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
"is this the FBI?"   11/27/2013

Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes. What do you want?" "I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob ...


0 Comments, 53 Views, 0 Votes
ritish sailor is in a bar   11/27/2013

A very naive British sailor is in a bar in London. He meets a wild girl, and she takes him upstairs. She takes off her pants and her panties.

He looks between her legs, and he says, "What's that?"

She says, "It's me lower mouth."

He says, "What do you mean, 'your lower mouth?'"

She says, "Just what I said, it's me lower mouth. It's got a moustache... It's ...


0 Comments, 60 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
barber shop   11/27/2013

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room." ...


0 Comments, 42 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
drug store to buy condoms   11/27/2013

guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, "What size?"

He says, "I don't know."

She holds up a finger and says, "That big?"

He says, "Bigger."

She holds up three fingers and says, "That big?"

He says, "Smaller?"

She holds up two fingers and he says, "That's it."

She puts the two fingers in her ...


0 Comments, 46 Views, 0 Votes
trucker goes into a whorehouse   11/27/2013

A trucker goes into a whorehouse and hands the Madam five hundred dollars. He says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich." The Madam says, "For that kind of money, you could have one of my finest girls and surf and turf." The trucker says, "I'm not horny, I'm homesick."


0 Comments, 27 Views, 0 Votes
doctors office   11/27/2013

A guy walks into a doctors office with a 5 iron wrapped around his neck and 2 black eyes. "What happened to you?" asked the doctor. "Well it all started when my wife and I were golfing and by accident she hit the ball into a cow field. When we went to investigate, I saw the ball in a cow's ass. I went and lifted the tail of the cow and that's when I made my mistake." The doctor looked puzzled and ...


0 Comments, 37 Views, 0 Votes
"Two Lips and Seven Kisses."   11/27/2013

There was this old woman who heard a song called "Two Lips and Seven Kisses." She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, "Do you have "Two Lips and Seven Kisses?"

The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!" ...


0 Comments, 20 Views, 0 Votes
3 kings   11/27/2013

Teacher: "Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?"

Little Johnny: Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.


0 Comments, 14 Views, 0 Votes
rotn2dacore 69 M
11  Articles
GOLFING   11/27/2013

A Priest and a nun go golfing one day.

The Priest tees up his ball, swings, and misses it completely.

"Oh shit, I missed", he says

The nun looked at him sharply.

He addresses his ball again, swings and misses it again.

'Oh shit, I missed again", he says.

The nun says: "Father, you really shouldn't use that kind of language."

"I know, ...


1 Comments, 132 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
The Veterinarian   11/26/2013

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1, 000. It happened again the next week!



The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. ...


0 Comments, 142 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
goodlick47 77 M
1  Article
Hitting into the buttercups   11/25/2013

A golfer hooks his tee shot on the fifth hole and it lands right in the middle of a backyard flowerbed. Not wanting to take a penalty stroke, he decides to hit out of the flowers.

Just as he's about to take his swing, a voluptuous lady in a sheer negligee comes running out of the house.

"Mister, please don't. You'll destroy my buttercups! If you move your ball I'll give you ...


0 Comments, 124 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
CUMANDDOUS23 44 C
15  Articles
Mad Wife   11/24/2013

Wife comes late at night & quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two!

She reaches for a Baseball bat & starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to drink water.

As she enters, she sees her husband there reading a magazine..

Husband says..”Hi Darling ...


0 Comments, 144 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
CUMANDDOUS23 44 C
15  Articles
Little Johnny   11/24/2013

Little Johnny’s first grade class was playing “Name That Animal.” The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, “What Animal is this?”

“A cat!” said Suzy.

“Good job. Now, what’s this Animal?”

“A dog!” said Ricky.

“Good. Now what Animal is this?” she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.

The class fell silent. After a ...


0 Comments, 151 Views, 0 Votes
CUMANDDOUS23 44 C
15  Articles
Marriage Counselor   11/24/2013

A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage.

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had.

She went on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. ...


0 Comments, 127 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
CUMANDDOUS23 44 C
15  Articles
Dam Fish   11/24/2013

A boy was selling fish shouting “dam fish, come buy dam fish”.

A preacher happened to be passing by when he heard the boy. He asked the boy, ‘why call them dam fish?’

Boy: because I caught them in a dam”.

The preacher bought one and took it home.

He told his wife, “cook this dam fish”.

The wife was surprised and told him, “You know we ...


0 Comments, 110 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
CUMANDDOUS23 44 C
15  Articles
A Funeral   11/24/2013

A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.

As ...


0 Comments, 101 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
CUMANDDOUS23 44 C
15  Articles
Hair Cut   11/24/2013

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber’s chair and said, “I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine.” The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.

The cowboy said, “Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room.”

She ...


0 Comments, 107 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
CUMANDDOUS23 44 C
15  Articles
Laundry   11/24/2013

Young couple moves into a new neighborhood.

The next morning while they are eating breakfast, The young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

“That laundry is not very clean”, she said. “She doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.”

Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would ...


0 Comments, 110 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
CUMANDDOUS23 44 C
15  Articles
Cheating   11/24/2013

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband’s best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they’re just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman’s house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation…

(She is speaking in a cheery voice) ‘Hello? Oh, hi. I’m so ...


0 Comments, 133 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
CUMANDDOUS23 44 C
15  Articles
Having a Baby   11/24/2013

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”

“That’s odd, ” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”

A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!”

“That’s weird, ” answers ...


0 Comments, 105 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
CUMANDDOUS23 44 C
15  Articles
Good News, or Bad News   11/24/2013

Wife to Husband (on the Phone): “Hey baby, what you doing???”

.

. Husband: “Listen, I am really busy! Don’t have time to talk at all.”

.

. Wife: “Well baby, I have a Good news and Bad news for you. You want to hear them?” …

.

. Husband: “Just tell me the Good news, I don’t have time for the Bad!”

.

. ...


0 Comments, 123 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
More Tennessee hillbilly jokes   11/23/2013

Tennessee Hillbilly to Doc: I need to git some of them thar birth control pills fer my .

Doc: Is she sexually active?

Tennessee Hillbilly: Naw...she jes lays thar like like her maw!


0 Comments, 54 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
Another Tennesse hilly story   11/23/2013

A hillbilly from Tennesse wearing a red shirt walked twelve miles, one way, to the general store.

'Heya, there, ' said Ron, the store owner. 'Tell me, are you and Myrtle still making fires up there by rubbing stones and flint together?'

'You betcha, Ron. Ain't no 'tother way. Why?'

'Got something to show you. Something to make fire. It's called a "match".

...


0 Comments, 71 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FUNERAL STORY   11/22/2013

A famous heart specialist died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.

When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed. Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.

The guy next to him ...


0 Comments, 100 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
PAINLESS LABOR   11/22/2013

A lady and her husband, who went to the hospital to give birth to their , heard of a new technology from the doctor, which would transfer the labor pain from the mother to the father.

The couple were both excited and very much in favor of it. The doctor however said that, to start with, he would transfer only 10% of the pain, as even that small amount of pain would be too much for ...


0 Comments, 84 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THREE ADDICTS   11/22/2013

There was three guys a sex addict a weed addict and a alcoholic they all went to hell for their sins and was standing in front of the devil.

The devil made a deal with them saying I will lock you in a room with what ever you did for a 1000 years and if you get over any of your sins I will send you back to the land of the living, Earth.

So the sex addict got locked ...


0 Comments, 101 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ACCIDENT   11/22/2013

Saturday night I gradually woke up stiff as a plank in the hospital's ICU, tubes up my nose & down my throat, wires monitoring every function & all around my head, hell of a pain over my left ear, and a gorgeous nurse hovering over me.

It was obvious I'd been in a serious accident.

She looked deep & steady and I heard her slowly say,

'You may not ...


0 Comments, 110 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
paulg69 46 M
1  Article
here's a one for ya!   11/21/2013

How many Sisters Of The Immacculate Conception, does it take to change a light bulb?

.

.

.

.

. Nun!!!


0 Comments, 54 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
Tennessee hillbillies   11/21/2013

Why are even the best forensic teams unable to catch Tennesse Hillbillies committing serious crime?

Could it be their back-woods cunning? No.

Is it because they are all law-abiding? I seriously doubt that.

The reason they are never caught is that Hillbillies all share the same DNA, and they have no dental records!


0 Comments, 50 Views, 7 Votes ,1.51 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
lady goes to the bar   11/21/2013

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship And orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.' The bartender says 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.' As the woman finishes her drink The woman to her right says 'I would like to buy you a drink, ...


0 Comments, 134 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
The Robot   11/21/2013

A father buys a lie detecting robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night.

The father asks his what he did that afternoon.

The says, "I did some schoolwork."

The robot slaps the .

The says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, What movie did you watch?"

says, "Toy Story." ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
RUSSIAN GENIE   11/19/2013

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a genie.

The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello Master, I will grant you one wish, anything that you want."

The Russian begins thinking, "Well I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I ...


0 Comments, 113 Views, 9 Votes ,4.71 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
DRACULA   11/19/2013

Dracula goes to Rome and checks into the Grand Italia Hotel. The bellhop, after bringing in his coffin, asks if there is anything he can do for him.

Dracula says, "Yes, there is, " and lunges for the boy's throat. After draining the blood from him, Dracula throws the bellhop's lifeless body out his bedroom window. The body lands on a policeman stationed in front of the hotel. The impact ...


1 Comments, 89 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SUPERMAN   11/19/2013

Superman is on his way to a large reunion of superheroes being held in Miami Beach. He arrives two hours late; his clothes are a mess and he has definitely been in a fight.

As he approaches his table, his good friend Batman yells, "Hey, Man of Steel, what happened to you?"

"Well, this is gonna sound crazy, but I was zipping along the coastline, making great time, ...


0 Comments, 97 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TATTOO'S   11/19/2013

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor.

"Do you do custom work?" she asks the artist.

"Why of course!"

"Good. I'd like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh. And I want them both looking at my pussy."

"No problem, " says the artist. "Strip from the ...


0 Comments, 114 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
BJ & SINGING   11/19/2013

A beautiful woman approaches a man at a bar and offers him a proposition

"For $200 I bet I can suck your dick and sing the national anthem at the same time.

" The man figures he can get some head and actually get paid for it, so he obliges.

The woman takes him into the closet, starts sucking, and sure enough starts singing the national anthem at the ...


0 Comments, 107 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ONE LINERS   11/19/2013

Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand? So she can moan with the other.

Why did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box? She sat on Pinocchio' s face and said "lie to me!"

What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury dough boy?

A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

What do you call a redneck ...


0 Comments, 85 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
SITTING ON THE TOILET   11/18/2013

A LITTLE THREE YEAR OLD BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET. HIS MOTHER THINKS HE HAS BEEN IN THERE TOO LONG, SO SHE GOES IN TO SEE WHAT'S UP. THE LITTLE BOY IS SITTING ON THE TOILET READING A BOOK. BUT ABOUT EVERY 15 SECONDS OR SO, HE PUTS THE BOOK DOWN, GRIPS ONTO THE TOILET SEAT WITH HIS LEFT HAND AND HITS HIMSELF ON TOP OF HIS HEAD WITH HIS RIGHT HAND. HIS MOTHER SAYS: "JOSHUA, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? ...


0 Comments, 123 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
You gotta love a good nurse   11/18/2013

A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so ...


0 Comments, 106 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
LATE NIGHT CALL TO THE VET   11/17/2013

A lover, whose was a female and "in heat', agreed to look after her neighbor's male while the neighbors were on vacation.

She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to ...


0 Comments, 123 Views, 7 Votes ,5.33 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE SCOTSMAN   11/17/2013

A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was in progress.

A sign read: 'Don't Miss Bruce The Amazing Scotsman'. The salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, on center stage, was a table with three walnuts on it.

Standing next to it was an old Scotsman.

Suddenly the old man lifted his kilt, whipped out a huge willy and smashed all three walnuts with three ...


0 Comments, 81 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A FEW QUICK ONES   11/17/2013

Top tip; if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex. Wish me luck; I appear in court next Monday.

I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today. Apparently the instruction 'finish off on her face' didn't mean what ...


0 Comments, 74 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
IN A BAR   11/17/2013

A guy walks into a bar with his and says,

"I'll have a Scotch and water and my would like a whiskey sour."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't allow animals in here." The replies, "Hey, I'm tired of being discriminated against. Just give me a drink."

The bartender says, "Oh, no, not another ventriloquist with the old talking trick.

Both ...


0 Comments, 103 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MARRIAGE AT A YOUNG AGE   11/17/2013

Little Ralphy and Claudia are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love.

One day they decide that they want to get married, so Ralphy goes to Claudia's father to ask him for her hand.

Ralphy bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Claudia are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just ...


0 Comments, 81 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Senior Love.......   11/17/2013

I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite. I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth. I tried this a few more times with no success.

All the while, my wife Karen is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and ...


0 Comments, 93 Views, 7 Votes ,3.80 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
husbands' marriage seminars   11/17/2013

At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Baltimore , they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Norman   11/17/2013

Norman, an old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times’ sake and some hot sex.

He engages a lovely and takes her up to a room.

He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing?'

The replies, 'Well Norman, ya old sailor, you're doing about three ...


0 Comments, 87 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
One more time   11/17/2013

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to ...


0 Comments, 82 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Blonde Men   11/17/2013

It had to happen sooner or later.......................Blonde Men!

A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th." ----------------------------------- Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll ...


0 Comments, 72 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Power outage   11/17/2013

Power outage



We had a power outage last night and my PC, iPod, iPhone, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my wife for a few hours.



She seems like a nice person.


0 Comments, 55 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
Tennessee Hillbilly sex quiz   11/16/2013

This is the official Tennessee Hillbilly sex quiz.

Study each question carefully. Then, choose the answer that seems most correct (True or False) and circle the T or F as appropriate.



1. A clitoris is a type of flower. T F



2. Pubic hair is a wild rabbit. T F



3. "Spread Eagle" is an extinct bird. T F



4. Vagina is a ...


0 Comments, 80 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Delicacy   11/16/2013

An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls testicles ...


2 Comments, 91 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Badtrev 44 M
9  Articles
Mountain men   11/15/2013

There was a man who had spent all of his life in the big city living on the safer side of things; straight A's in school, went immediately to college, then into an office job in a tiny cubicle for fifty hours a week at low pay. He didn't go to bars, didn't date, didn't have time to exercise, or enjoy the good things in life. He reached his forties as a man who was balding, out of shape, and ...


0 Comments, 116 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
HEAR THIS   11/12/2013

An Indian scouting party captures a cowboy from a bar and brings him back to their camp to meet the chief.

The chief says to the cowboy, "You going die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. At sundown third day, you die. What first wish?"

The cowboy says, "I want to see my ."

The indians get his .

The cowboy grabs the 's ear and ...


1 Comments, 136 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FLOWERS   11/12/2013

What's better than roses on the piano?

-

-

-

-

-

Tulips on your organ....


0 Comments, 49 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CHECK UP   11/12/2013

I went for a testicle check up last week.

The little Thai nurse cupped my balls and said, "Don't worry, it's quite normal to get an erection during this procedure."

I said "But I haven't got an erection"

She replied "No, but I have !"...


0 Comments, 111 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
G/F CHEATING ON ME???????????   11/12/2013

While my girlfriend was showering I took a sneaky look at her Internet browsing history.

I was shocked to see her last search was, 'how to enjoy sex with a boring guy with a small penis.'

The next thought that crossed my mind was, she must be cheating on me......


0 Comments, 112 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THIS IS HOW ITS DONE   11/12/2013

My new girlfriend just said

"After an orgasm, I like to kiss and cuddle, then fall asleep in each others arms, What about you?"

I said, "I usually delete my browsing history and throw the tissues away!"...


0 Comments, 75 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GAS STATION   11/12/2013

A gas station owner in Chicago was trying to increase his sales.

So, he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'

Soon Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.

If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietorsaid, 'You were close. The number was ...


0 Comments, 123 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NEEDS A BIKE   11/12/2013

For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said ' we'd give you one but the mortgage on this house is $280, 000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.'

The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked ' where are you going?'

Little Joseph told him;'I was walking past ...


0 Comments, 85 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NEEDS A BIKE   11/12/2013

For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said ' we'd give you one but the mortgage on this house is $280, 000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.'

The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked ' where are you going?'

Little Joseph told him;'I was walking past ...


0 Comments, 24 Views, 0 Votes
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
POLICEMAN   11/12/2013

Brian had been in Police work for 25 years.

Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in the hills in Tasmania as far from humanity as possible.

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet..

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and ...


0 Comments, 103 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
POLITICAL FOLLY   11/12/2013

A salesman was traveling between towns and got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere.

Checking the spare, he found that it was flat, too. His only option was to flag down a passing motorist and get a ride to the nearest town.

The first vehicle to stop was an old man in a pickup truck.

He yelled out the window to the salesman, "Need a lift?"

"Yes, I do, " replied ...


0 Comments, 87 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
DEAR LORD   11/12/2013

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death....


0 Comments, 37 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Safe sex   11/11/2013

A guy finally gets the courage to ask the hottest girl in school out. He has heard that she puts out on the first date. She tells him that he has to use a condom, so he goes to the pharmacy to buy some. The pharmacist helps him and says "you must have a hot date tonight." The says yes that she is the easiest girl in school and he was going to get it all night. That night when he goes to pick her ...


0 Comments, 135 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
UNLIMITED?????   11/9/2013

If science proves there is a finite amount of matter in the universe, how does Olive Garden offer unlimited salad and breadsticks?...


0 Comments, 47 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Mensa Question   11/9/2013

You are on a , galloping at a constant speed.

On your right side is a sharp drop off.

And on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.

Directly in front of you is another galloping but your is unable to overtake it.

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the in front of you.

What must you do to safely get ...


1 Comments, 131 Views, 7 Votes ,3.80 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Random Thoughts   11/9/2013

A Man's Random Thoughts:

Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!

The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble ...


2 Comments, 85 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
IT HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS!!!!!   11/9/2013

I Just Realized Something:

My sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. His meals are provided at no cost to him. He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup and again during the year, if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him. He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not ...


2 Comments, 87 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Pumpkin sex   11/9/2013

Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SPANISH FLY   11/4/2013

A guy goes into a pharmacy and asks the guy for some Spanish fly..

The pharmacists says..sorry I can't sell you that, its to dangerous...

After an hour of begging he tells the pharmacist that he has 3 women coming over that evening and really needs it..

Well the pharmacist sells it to him with the promise that he will return the next morning and tell him how things ...


1 Comments, 129 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GONE FISHING   11/4/2013

Two women are fishing. Lisa always catches the most fish.

Wanda asked her, "How do you do it? Every time we go fishing you always catch the most fish."

Lisa replied, "When I wake up in the morning if my husband's thing is hanging off to the left, I fish off the left side of the boat. If his thing is hanging off to the right I fish off the right side of the boat."

Wanda ...


0 Comments, 120 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NEW OWNER   11/4/2013

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.

The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with.

The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a ...


0 Comments, 119 Views, 6 Votes ,5.93 Score
Women proposing   11/3/2013

Women will ever be able to propose to a man. As soon as she gets on her knees, the man's instant reaction will be to pull his pants down! lmao


1 Comments, 71 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Golf Riders   11/1/2013

Three old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf.

The pro asked, "Did you guys have a good game today?"

The first old guy said, "I had the most riders ever. I had five."

The second old guy said, "I had 7 riders, the same as last time."

The last old man said, "I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today."

After they went into the ...


0 Comments, 128 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Old guys were golfing   11/1/2013

A couple of old guys were golfing one day, when one of the men said that he was going to go to Dr. Basil for a new set of dentures in the morning.

His elderly friend remarked that he, too, had gone to the very same dentist two years before.

"Is that so?" the first old gentleman asked. "Did he do a good job?"

The second gent replied, "Well, I was on the golf course ...


0 Comments, 110 Views, 5 Votes ,5.43 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Remember   11/1/2013

Remember when Nancy Pelosi said:

"We have to pass it, to find out what's in it."

A physician called into a radio show and said: "that's the definition of a stool sample."

That pretty well sums it up.


0 Comments, 66 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MAKING HIM VOMIT   10/31/2013

A policeman cruising past a pub after closing time notices two motor bikes still parked out the front.

He goes round the back of the pub only to find two bikers, one with his fingers up the butt of the other.

"So what's going on here?" he asks.

The biker replies, "My friend here has had too much to drink and I'm trying to make him vomit." ...


0 Comments, 122 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE GUY GETS LUCKY   10/31/2013

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar, with no luck.

Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two ...


0 Comments, 130 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A HEADACHE   10/31/2013

It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo. They spent the day, and at closing time they walked past the gorilla cage, and the man noticed the gorilla looking at his wife.

"That gorilla is getting excited just looking at your tits, " he said. "Why don't you take your blouse off and we'll see what he does?"

At first she declined. ...


0 Comments, 96 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
DRUNK IRISHMAN   10/31/2013

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.

The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.

So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face.

He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stood up and fell ...


0 Comments, 90 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GOVERNMENT CONTRACTING   10/31/2013

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at a National Park Service house.

One is from West Virginia, another is from Utah and the third, is from Illinois . All three go with a NPS official to examine the fence.

The West Virginia contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well, " he says, "I figure the job ...


0 Comments, 106 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
dear santa   10/31/2013

Little Johnny wrote: "Dear Santa, please send me a baby brother!"

Santa wrote back: "Send me your mother ..."


0 Comments, 68 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
Is God Michael Jackson   10/31/2013

little boy : mummy is god a girl or a boy?

mummy: why god is both girl and boy

little boy: mummy is god black or white?

mummy: why god is both black and white

little boy: mummy is god gay or strait?

mummy: why god is both gay and strait

little boy: mummy is god Michael Jackson?


0 Comments, 48 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
Pissed Out A Bullet   10/31/2013

One day there was a pregnant women who was about to go into labor with 3 .

Her husband didn’t want to be any part of this so he decided to leave her and took the car.

So she had to walk to the hospital all by herself. All of a sudden she came to a dark alley and of course she went through it and all of a sudden a man pops out and shoots her in the stomach.

When she ...


0 Comments, 69 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
$400 For A Night   10/31/2013

A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

‘Just where the heck do you think you’re going!’, said the man. ‘I’m going to Las Vegas’, said the wife, ‘I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free! ‘The man said, ‘Wait a minute!’, and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later ...


1 Comments, 78 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE AFFAIR   10/30/2013

A man returns home a day early from a business trip.

While en route home, he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees.

Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom.

The husband switches on the lights, yanks the ...


3 Comments, 161 Views, 11 Votes ,5.60 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
'Go-To' guy'   10/30/2013

Location, Location, Location

In the news this week, a Southern California man was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and had (by rough estimate) one million rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also has a secret escape tunnel.

The television reporter said: "Wow! He has about a million machine gun bullets!" and the ...


0 Comments, 1579 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Only permanent injury   10/30/2013

Years ago, a young Navy Pilot was severely injured while ejecting from his A-4 Skyhawk due to engine failure during a catapult shot from the aircraft carrier, but due to the heroics of rescue helicopter and the ship's hospital staff, the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear. Since he was now physically impaired he did not remain on flight status but eventually became an Admiral. ...


0 Comments, 110 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
(or maybe not!)   10/29/2013

Some of you gray hairs should remember some of these old song (or maybe not!)



60's Hits Renamed

Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers who can remember doing the "Limbo" as if it were yesterday.





They include:

Bobby Darin --- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
The ZIPPER   10/29/2013

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a ...


0 Comments, 107 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Did I send this to you already?   10/29/2013

Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind, only to completely forget what that purpose was?

Turns out, doors themselves are to blame for these strange memory lapses.

Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that passing through a doorway triggers what's known as an Event Boundary in the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories from the next. ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
"high wind?"   10/29/2013

An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam.. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know, " said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, ...


0 Comments, 100 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
LITTLE JOHNNY AT THE ZOO   10/28/2013

So little Johnny is being taken to the Zoo for the first time, by his parents.

He is amazed at all the different kinds of animals.

When he gets to the Elephant enclosure he asks his Mother. "What's that thing hanging down between his legs?"

Mother. "Oh, that's his trunk."

Johnny. "No, at the other end?"

Mother. "It's nothing dear."

Johnny then ...


1 Comments, 123 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
EXPENSIVE APPLES   10/28/2013

This guy was driving along a country road. Along the side of the road he sees a sign:

"Apples, $5.00 each." So he pulls over to the side of the road and asks the farmer why his apples are so expensive.

The farmer says, "Well, these are peanut butter and jelly apples." So the guy buys one.

He says, "These apples only taste like jelly, where's the peanut butter?" The ...


0 Comments, 123 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
KNOW YOUR NUMBER   10/28/2013

Ring-g-g-g-g-

"Hello?"

"Hi honey, this is Daddy, . . . is your Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Unc'a Frank."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy right now!"

"Uh, okay, then . . . here's what I want you to ...


0 Comments, 130 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
AT THE PSYCHIATRISTS   10/28/2013

I'd been having some gay dreams, so I went to see a psychiatrist about it.

He said, "Take a seat, Gary, and I'll ask you a few questions. Just say what comes naturally. Ok?"

"Ok, " I said, sitting down.

"Pink or blue?"

"Blue."

"Batman or Robin?"

"Batman."

"The Foo Fighters or One Direction?"

"The Foo Fighters."

...


0 Comments, 99 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A RABBIT, GIRAFFE, ELEPHANT AND A LION   10/26/2013

A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.

The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You'll feel so much better!"

The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant ...


1 Comments, 120 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A SCARY INTRODUCTION   10/26/2013

A dwarf gets on an elevator and pushes the button to go up, just before the door closes, a hand comes through and opens the door.

In steps a very large black man. The dwarf stares and says "You're the biggest man I have ever seen".

The man nods his head, and replies "I'm 6-9, weigh 259 lbs., and I have 16 inches, I'm Turner Brown."

The dwarf faints!

After ...


0 Comments, 103 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GREEKS VS. ITALIANS   10/26/2013

A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture.

The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon."

The Italian says, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek says, "We had great Mathematicians."

The Italian says, "We had the Roman Empire."

..and so on and so on ...and then the Greek says: "We invented sex."

The Italian ...


0 Comments, 104 Views, 5 Votes ,5.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THREE HOLES   10/26/2013

This guy was really sleepy and needed a place to stay for the night. So he sees this barn up the road and asks the guy if he can stay in his barn for the night.

"Sure, " says the farmer, "as long as you promise not to stick your winky into the three holes."

The man promises, and the farmer leaves him there.

Of course, he can't resist, and the farmer is woken up in the ...


0 Comments, 129 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SIMPLE LOGIC OF A WOMEN   10/26/2013

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.

She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.

Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.

'Your Honor, ' she began coolly, 'I ...


0 Comments, 117 Views, 5 Votes ,5.75 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
OLE'S FARM   10/25/2013

Government surveyors came to Ole's farm in the fall and asked if they could do some surveying. Ole agreed, and Lena even served them a nice meal at noon time.

The next spring, the two surveyors stopped by and told Ole, "Because you were so kind to us, we wanted to give you this bad news in person instead of by letter."

Ole replied, "What's the bad news?"

The surveyors ...


0 Comments, 100 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Washington Redskins Change Their Name...   10/25/2013

The Washington Redskins are changing their name because of all the negativity, shame, humiliation, dissent, polarity, adversity, defiance, hatred, animosity, contempt, discrimination, division, violence, counter-productivity, ill-spirit, un-Godliness, and hostility associated with their name. From now on they will be known simply as the Redskins.


0 Comments, 71 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
One more time   10/25/2013

Cure for Anger A woman goes to the doctor, worried about her husband's temper.

The doctor asks: "What's the problem?"

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and ...


0 Comments, 55 Views, 0 Votes
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE TALKING CENTIPEDE   10/24/2013

A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.

So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by ...


0 Comments, 72 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Medical distinction   10/23/2013

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard of people having Guts or having Balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions: GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you ...


0 Comments, 91 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
It is that time of the year   10/23/2013

A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears:



BUMP...



BUMP...









BUMP...









Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

...


0 Comments, 91 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Passing this one on...   10/23/2013

Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store's merchandise wasn't in -- only a few shelves and display racks set up.

One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling."

Sure enough, just a moment later, ...


0 Comments, 101 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
72 virgins in Heaven   10/23/2013

An 18-year-old suicide bomber blew himself up and appeared before Allah. He said, "Oh, Allah, I did your bidding, but I have a request. Since I'm only 18 and spent all my time in terrorist training school, I have never been with a woman. So, instead of 72 virgins, who also won't know what to do sexually, can I have 72 prostitutes?"





Allah regarded him for a moment, ...


0 Comments, 115 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
fingers571000 52 M
1  Article
Sealed   10/22/2013

An Eskimo takes car to a mechanic says dunno mate just started running like a pig the other day. Leave it with me mr. Eskimo be running sweet as by time you do ya shopping. Mqg. Eskimo walking back later bag of shopping in one hand and an icecream in the other asks the mechanic whats the verdict mate? Mechanic says hmmm looks like ya blowna seal mate . Eskimo wipes his mouth and says nah honest ...


0 Comments, 90 Views, 2 Votes ,0.34 Score
jaipurcouple1979 41 C
3  Articles
Hindi Joke   10/22/2013

Awarded Double Meaning Joke:

.

. lady to rikshwalla "...under tak jaayega?"

.

. rikshawalla "bilkul jaayega madam, aapke liye toh khada kiya hai."

.

.

.

. lady "thik hai toh..ghumake phicche se le lo.
...
"
...


1 Comments, 58 Views, 4 Votes ,0.53 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
PHIL'S SICK   10/21/2013

At the end of his sermon the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation wanted to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood up and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, was in a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

A ...


0 Comments, 117 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ANOTHER VIEW OF S&M   10/20/2013

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation.

They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their husbands, their , homes, etc. and finally gets around to their sex lives.

Sue says "It's OK. We get it on every week or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?"

Sally replies "It's just ...


1 Comments, 125 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WHY, COACH? WHY?   10/20/2013

A high school football team was in the state semi-final game and leading by two points late in the fourth quarter.

All they had to do was protect their lead for another 5 minutes and they would be playing next week for the state championship.

They had the ball and a pass play had been called. All of the receivers were well covered so the quarterback ran with the ball. Just ...


2 Comments, 122 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out   10/20/2013

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young 's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect." To which, her replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."


0 Comments, 115 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
like in the movies   10/20/2013

My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."

So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair.

I guess we don't watch the same movies.


0 Comments, 87 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
greed to anal sex   10/20/2013

The wife finally agreed to anal sex... Does anyone know what a strap-on is?


0 Comments, 77 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
anal sex or oral sex?   10/20/2013

My mate and I were sitting in a pub when he asked me: "So what do you prefer anal sex or oral sex?"

"Easy one, " I replied. "Anal sex all the way. I do it all time."

"Okay, then how about this: Anal sex or vaginal sex?"

"Vaginal sex?" I snickered. "I don't have a vagina."


0 Comments, 84 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
OF A BITCH   10/19/2013

This takes place someplace in the South:

A little boy was doing his math homework & saying:

2+5, the of a bitch is 7

3+6, the of a bitch is 9. . .

His Mom: What are you doing?

Boy: I'm doing math homework

Mom: this is how your teacher taught you?!!!!

Boy: Yes

Infuriated, Mom asked the teacher the next day-

'What ...


0 Comments, 121 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NSA   10/18/2013

People all over the world are protesting their governments.....

And I'm just sitting here while the NSA watches me masturbate....


0 Comments, 71 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TEETH & GUMS   10/18/2013

A little boy is waiting for his mom to come out of the changing room while shopping with her. The little boy gets bored and when his mom comes out, she finds him sliding his hand up a dummy's skirt.

"GET YOUR HAND OUT OF THERE!" she shouts. "DON'T YOU KNOW THAT WOMEN HAVE TEETH DOWN THERE!"

The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars that nothing ...


0 Comments, 119 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CAT'S HERE?????????   10/18/2013

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"

Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that pussy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"...


0 Comments, 63 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
BEE STING   10/18/2013

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.

The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?”

“I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between ...


0 Comments, 106 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Here's an answer   10/18/2013

Should witness childbirth? Good question. Here's an answer.

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby... Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Her mother pushed and pushed and after a little ...


0 Comments, 81 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Baltimore   10/18/2013

At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Baltimore , they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va ...


0 Comments, 75 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
With the worst premonition   10/18/2013

A father passing by his 's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.



Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing ...


0 Comments, 92 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
ITALIAN HONEYMOON   10/18/2013

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to this friends.

Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?"

Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down."

"Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.

"Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My ...


0 Comments, 90 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Why Some Men Have a And No Wife:   10/18/2013

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.







2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.







3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.







4. A dog's parents never visit.







5. Dogs agree that you have to raise ...


0 Comments, 71 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Paraprosdokians   10/18/2013

(Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. Enjoy!

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak. ...


0 Comments, 67 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CONDOM FACTORY BURNS IN U.S.A.   10/17/2013

The largest condom factory in the States burned down. President Obama was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.

"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of the week."

Obama: "Oh damn! The ...


0 Comments, 103 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
Do you fart in bed?   10/17/2013

Do you fart in bed ?

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was ...


0 Comments, 84 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
OYSTERS   10/15/2013

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Spain ..

While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table.

Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.

He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'

The waiter replied, 'Si senor, you have excellent taste! Those are ...


0 Comments, 86 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GET A VASE   10/13/2013

A young secretary gets twelve red roses delivered to her desk.

Noticing this another older female co-worker says " Aren’t those beautiful! Your boyfriend is SO sweet to send those to you."

The younger gal groans her reply "Yeah, but you know what this means?" "It means I’ll be spending the next 3 days on my back, with my ankles in the air."

Puzzled by her comment, ...


0 Comments, 114 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SCOOP   10/13/2013

Q: Why did the reporter rush into the ice cream shop?



A: He was looking for a scoop....


0 Comments, 29 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
IDK????   10/13/2013

Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"

Brunette: "I don’t know."

Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"...


0 Comments, 37 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
DUMB DUMB DUMB   10/13/2013

Woman. "I've forgotten to take my cotradictive pills."



Doctor. "You're ignorant."



Woman. "Yes, three months."...


0 Comments, 51 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
AT THE PEARLY GATES   10/13/2013

An old man appears at the Pearly Gates and says to St. Peter that he is looking for is . He says that his has holes in his hands ans feet. St. Peter picks up his phone and calls Jesus. St. Peter. "Jesus, there is an old guy here who thinks he's the Boss. Would you come down and humor him?" Jesus. "Ok, I'll be there shortly." Jesus arrives at the gates, looks at the old man and says. ...


0 Comments, 102 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
QUICKIE   10/13/2013

What is a Yankee?



The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone....


0 Comments, 27 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MORMON & AN IRISHMAN   10/13/2013

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely attacked by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my ...


1 Comments, 113 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WHY DADDY????   10/13/2013

A baby Polar Bear looks up at his father and says 'Dad, am I a real Polar Bear?' His father looks down and says, 'Of course you are, '. Five minutes pass and the baby says, 'Dad, are you sure I'm not part Grizzly Bear?'

Again his Dad looks down and says, 'No, , I'm a pure Polar Bear and so is your Mother, so that makes you a pure Polar Bear too.

A few minutes pass and the baby ...


0 Comments, 107 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
LITTLE JOHNNY   10/13/2013

Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching away from a big box of chocolates.

An older man, sitting on the bench across the way, says "Y'know, , if you keep eating those chocolates that way you're going to get fat, and acne, and bad teeth".

Little Johnny says "Y'know, sir, my grandfather lived to be 102"

The man asks "Oh, and did he eat big boxes of chocolate ...


0 Comments, 106 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SHIPWRECK   10/13/2013

A man washed up on a desert island after a shipwreck. The only other survivors were a sheep and a sheepdog.

The three of them got into the habit of going down to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds and the breeze was warm and gentle. It was a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the ...


0 Comments, 92 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THUMB THING   10/13/2013

When the waitress sets the bowl down on the table, the guy notices, she has her thumb in her soup.

The guy says, "I'm not eating that soup, after you had your thumb in it."

Waitress says, "Oh yeah, I'm really sorry about that, but I have an infection in my thumb, and my doctor told me to keep it warm and moist."

The guy replies, "Why don't you stick it up your ass then ...


0 Comments, 91 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
OVERDOSE   10/13/2013

Q: How do you treat an overdose of Viagra?





A: You look at pictures of Nancy Pelosi and Ann Coulter....


0 Comments, 38 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
LANCE ARMSTRONG   10/13/2013

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he has achieved, winning seven Tour De France races while on drugs...

Hell when I was on drugs I couldn't even find my bike....


0 Comments, 63 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
The proper usage of condoms...   10/13/2013

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea...

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top ...


0 Comments, 126 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GOD IS WATCHING   10/11/2013

The were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples..

The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A had written a note, 'Take all you ...


0 Comments, 89 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Little Johnny popped up and said   10/10/2013

A teacher went around her class asking each of the what they needed at home.

Joey said, "A computer."

The teacher replied, "That would be very useful."

Jenny said, "A new lawn mower."

The teacher again replied, "That would also be very useful."

Little Johnny popped up and said, "At my house we don't need anything!"

The teacher asked him to ...


0 Comments, 146 Views, 9 Votes ,5.35 Score
ChantsReturn 44 F
8  Articles
wanna be   10/10/2013

Teacher asks the in class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Billy says, "I wanna be a billionaire, have a beautiful bitch on my arm, give her a Ferrari, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel the world, a 200 ft yacht, an infinite visa card and I wanna shag her 3 times a day..." The teacher, in shock, ignores the boy and turns to little Nancy and asks, " What ...


0 Comments, 125 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
On his deathbed   10/9/2013

Morris Schwartz is dying and is on his deathbed. He is with his nurse, his wife, his and 2 sons, and knows the end is near. So he says to them:

"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."

"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."

"Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center."

"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the ...


0 Comments, 120 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
'What do you do in America with your old goats   10/9/2013

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!' The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'

The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!'

The preacher said, 'No shit?' ...


0 Comments, 100 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Life's like that!!!!!!!!!!   10/9/2013

The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part. I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next shit could spell disaster.

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TWO GIRLS IN A PUB   10/7/2013

Two women were sitting next to each other in a pub. After a while, one looks at the other and says, 'I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland .

The other woman responds proudly, 'Yes, I sure am!'

The first one says, 'So am I! And where about in Ireland are ya from?'

The other woman answers, 'I'm from Dublin , I am.'

The first ...


1 Comments, 108 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?   10/7/2013

With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"

"No, " said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.

He took the crumpled Twenty ...


0 Comments, 96 Views, 11 Votes ,4.66 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Playing poker   10/7/2013

Two couples were playing poker one evening.



Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife, Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.



Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get ...


1 Comments, 156 Views, 9 Votes ,4.71 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
LOVE FROM COSTA RICA   10/6/2013

A woman goes to see her Doctor, complaining of an odd affliction.

'I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina', she says.

The Doctor has a look and says, 'They're not postage stamps, they're the stickers off the bananas'....


0 Comments, 97 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CONFUCIUS SAY   10/6/2013

Confucius say A Greek tampon is called "Abzorba the Leak."

Confucius Say A Lion will not betray his wife.... but a Tiger Wood.

Confucius Say Women and rocks are very much alike. We skip the flat ones.

Confucius Say The Army is like a blow job. The closer you get to discharge, the better it feels.

Confucius Say Women are like convertibles. They're both more fun ...


0 Comments, 67 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CONDOMS   10/6/2013

Condoms do not guarantee safe sex!

A friend of mine was wearing one, when he was shot by the woman's husband.

Please pass this public safety information on....


0 Comments, 46 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
HOW ABOUT A PUSH??????????   10/6/2013

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning.

"I'm not getting out of bed at this time, " he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and ...


0 Comments, 91 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
JONAH   10/5/2013

A little native girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little native girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was ...


0 Comments, 89 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
I'YELL TOO.   10/5/2013

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner, unannounced, at 5:30 after work. His wife yells at him as his friend listens in. "My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, the are being brats, I'm still in my pajamas and I'm not cooking tonight. We are ordering pizza. Why did you bring him home with you? ................................

The husband ...


0 Comments, 92 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
QUESTION   10/4/2013

Q: What does the sign on the house say, after they have closed for the day?

A: We're Closed, Beat It! ...


0 Comments, 31 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
nikos_a 59 M
11  Articles
Train Ride   10/4/2013

A man with 8 is traveling by train. A lady asked: "Are they your ?"

Man: "No Madam! Actually I am the owner of a condom company and they are the complaints of my customers."


0 Comments, 80 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
nikos_a 59 M
11  Articles
alien wife swap   10/4/2013

A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have met and are talking about all sorts of things. Finally, the subject of sex comes up.

"Just how do you guys do it?" asked the Earthling.

"Pretty much the way you do, " responded the Martian.

Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. The female Earthling and the ...


0 Comments, 92 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE STRANGER   10/1/2013

A stranger walks in to a western saloon.

He's wearing a black cowboy hat, black leathers, silver spurs and a fine pair of pearl-handled silver guns.

The barman says 'Them thar's a mighty fine pair of six-shooters your wearin' Stranger.

Here's bettin' ya two fingers of 'Redeye' you don't know how to use 'em'.

With that, the stranger whirls around, draws both ...


0 Comments, 112 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NEW GORILLA   10/1/2013

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla.

Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very horny, and difficult to handle.

Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem was that she was in heat. What to do? There was no male of this species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Mike, an ...


0 Comments, 92 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
DEODORANT TYPE?????   9/30/2013

I went into a drug store the other day to purchase some deodorant.

I asked the guy behind the counter where the deodorant was?

He said.."Ball type?"

I said..."No under arm"...


0 Comments, 82 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
DON'T EAT THE PIG   9/30/2013

A traveler was driving through Arkansas when he lost his way and got off the main highway. As he drove by, he saw rows and rows of pigsties and pigpens and pigs running in fields and pigs wallowing in mud. Suddenly, his eye caught something really strange. He did a double take, muttered to himself and then looked a third time. He wondered if he had seen correctly - it looked like a pig with a ...


0 Comments, 85 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WHY DID YOU GO AWOL??????   9/30/2013

When in the Army with in the first couple of days we had one of the guys go AWOL...

Well, just before Basic was over he came back and turned himself in, the General wanted to know why he went over the wall, thinking maybe his answers might help and stop others from going AWOL.

General asked him, ", what prompted you to go over the hill"? Private said...Well sir..The first day ...


0 Comments, 107 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TWO BOYS & A NUN   9/30/2013

Two small boys are arguing on a train. The first says 'No! It's spelled W.O.O.M.' The second boy says, 'Nah! It's spelled 'W.H.O.O.M.'. A nun sitting opposite leans forward and says, 'Actually, boys, you're both wrong. Womb is spelled 'W.O.M.B.' The first little boy scowls at her and says, 'What are you talking about? I bet you've never even seen a Hippopotamus, let alone heard one fart ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A PUMPKIN   9/29/2013

Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night.

The next day, at the Gwinntt County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency and public intoxication.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a ...


0 Comments, 110 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Dead Crows   9/29/2013

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed ...


0 Comments, 91 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Profound philosophy   9/29/2013

This is perhaps the most profound philosophy I have heard in recent times:

"Life is like a penis - simple, relaxed and hanging free...

it's women who make it hard."


0 Comments, 87 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
WELL, HERE'S A RECAP OF LAST YEAR....   9/29/2013

MANY OF YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON. WELL, HERE'S A RECAP OF LAST YEAR.... Alabama beat Arkansas and Arkansas fired their coach.... Alabama beat Tennessee and Tennessee fired their coach.... Alabama beat Auburn and Auburn fired their coach.... Then Alabama beat Notre Dame, and the Pope resigned.... Now how do we get the Congress to play Alabama?


0 Comments, 68 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Most of our generation were HOME SCHOOLED in many ways.   9/29/2013

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION . "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL . "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My father ...


0 Comments, 89 Views, 8 Votes ,5.10 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SWIMMERS   9/28/2013

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool

The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.

Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs ...


0 Comments, 84 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MULTI-TASKING   9/28/2013

If women are so good at multi-tasking why can't they have a headache and an orgasm at the same time....


0 Comments, 43 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
HILLERY TAKES A NEW NAME   9/28/2013

TERRORIST ACTIVITY HAS CAUSED THE DEMOCRATS TO TAKE MEASURES IN ORDER TO PROTECT THEIR CANDIDATE FOR THE 2016 PRESIDENCY.

FOR SECURITY REASONS, THEY HAVE SUGGESTED THAT HILLARY HAVE A MUSLIM NAME.

SO FROM NOW ON, PLEASE REFER TO HER BY HER NEW MUSLIM NAME:

“SELDOM BIN LAYED”...


0 Comments, 69 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
PLEASE THE GODFATHER   9/28/2013

The godfather of a major crime family was sitting in a room when he had one of his lieutenants summon a young wannabe to speak to him.

Tony, the young wannabe quickly arrived, eager to speak to the boss. " godfather, how can I be of service to the family?"

The godfather replied, " Tony, are you sure you will do anything for the family, anything I tell you?".

Tony ...


0 Comments, 86 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A BIKER   9/28/2013

A biker and his ol' lady go to the doctor because she's complaining of a persistent itch in a very private spot. After examining her, the doc walks to the waiting room and says to the biker, 'Sir, your wife has acute vaginitus.'

The biker replies, 'Yeah, I like it myself. So what the fuck's wrong with her?'...


0 Comments, 87 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Badtrev 44 M
9  Articles
Politicians   9/27/2013

A group of men are sitting at a bar getting a little tipsy and cantankerous and a little bit loud. One of them pipes up and says: "All these goddamned politicians, they're nothing but a bunch of goddamned liars." And the bare all shouted "here here!" Then the man next to him shouts out: "Fucking politicians, nothing but a pack of greedy fat cats! The bar shouts "here here!" Then a man on the end ...


0 Comments, 107 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Interview   9/27/2013

Job interview:

Human Resources Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?"

Old man: "Honesty."

Human Resources Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness."

Old Man: "I don't really give a shit what you think."


0 Comments, 115 Views, 8 Votes ,5.33 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Note to golfers   9/27/2013

* Golf balls are like eggs ~ they're white. They're sold by the dozen... and a week later you have to buy more.

* A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have to have the income of a professional golfer to buy anything in there.

* It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks and rake his sand traps. ...


0 Comments, 66 Views, 0 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Two are arguing   9/27/2013

Two are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.

The first says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed."

The second replies, "Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the woman next door."


0 Comments, 76 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
READ THIS YOU MIGHT FEEL SMARTER   9/26/2013

If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius. , ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, ,, , (On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.) Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we ...


0 Comments, 90 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ONE NIGHT AT THE BAR   9/26/2013

I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar.

Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?"

One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"

So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"

And that's ...


0 Comments, 94 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GOLF INJURY   9/26/2013

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to ...


0 Comments, 86 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
COMMANDO   9/26/2013

During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level.

I described a typical day, "Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I avoided standing on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I took a ...


0 Comments, 85 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
5 HORSES   9/26/2013

A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name.

He replied, "She is called Five Horses".

The man said, "That's an unusual name for a wife. What does it mean?"

The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian name. It mean ..."

"NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!"...


0 Comments, 108 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WHERE I SHOP   9/26/2013

When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note so I could complain to the local town council about this running amok security rubbish, I did just as she had instructed.

After the shrieking and hysterical remarks finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to how I should position my credit card. ...


0 Comments, 62 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
HAPPY HOUR SOUTHERN STYLE   9/26/2013

Bubba was driving down a back road in South Carolina ..

A sign in front of a restaurant reads:

HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL

Lobster Tail and Beer

"Lordy mercy!" he says to himself, "

"Them's my three favorites".....


0 Comments, 70 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE MEANING OF THE RESURRECTION   9/26/2013

A Baptist pastor was presenting a 's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the if they knew what the resurrection was.

Now, asking questions during 's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.

Having asked the if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand........

The ...


0 Comments, 61 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
OLE'S FARM   9/26/2013

Government surveyors came to Ole's farm in the fall and asked if they could do some surveying. Ole agreed, and Lena even served them a nice meal at noon time.

The next spring, the two surveyors stopped by and told Ole, "Because you were so kind to us, we wanted to give you this bad news in person instead of by letter."

Ole replied, "What's the bad news?"

The surveyors ...


0 Comments, 73 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
RYE BREAD   9/26/2013

Two old Jewish guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ...


0 Comments, 61 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GOLF   9/26/2013

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for the little blue "Viagra" pill.

The pharmacist asked "How many?" The man replied,

"Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces."

The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you through intimacy.

The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past eighty years old ...


0 Comments, 73 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
LENA & OLE   9/26/2013

Lena is pregnant with Ole's .

Late one night, Lena vakes Ole and says, 'I tink it's time!'

So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere tractor and took her to the hospital to have their first baby..

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and said, 'A ! Ain't dat Great!' Well, Ole got excited by dis, but yust den the doctor spoke up and said,

'Hold on! We ...


0 Comments, 61 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
'What can I do for you?'   9/25/2013

An Arizona couple, both well into their 70's, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?' The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?' The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
You just got to love the Brits.   9/25/2013

A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London. He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel.





The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the ...


0 Comments, 82 Views, 6 Votes ,5.64 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
REALLY HURT   9/24/2013

Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each ...


0 Comments, 96 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CHICKEN   9/24/2013

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'

'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

'When it was over, ' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'

'Really, ' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'

She said, 'Come out from under the bed, ...


0 Comments, 91 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FUNNIES II   9/24/2013

1)How do you embarrass an archeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.

2)What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

3)What is the biggest problem for an atheist?

No one to talk to during orgasm.

4)Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The ...


0 Comments, 76 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FUNNIES   9/24/2013

My wife just came in and said, “I don’t know if I am coming or going. ”I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going – ‘cus when you’re coming, you look like a fucking Down Syndrome trying to whistle!”

Which is the odd one out: a woman, a microwave or a fridge? The microwave, the other two leak when they’re fucked.

Bungee ...


1 Comments, 69 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score