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_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Husband & wife !   9/5/2010

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
...


6 Comments, 244 Views, 23 Votes ,3.71 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Check for Alzheimer's !   9/3/2010

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University.

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without making a mistake.

The average person over 50 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.

2. This is is cat.

3. This is how cat.

4. This is to cat.

5. This is ...


5 Comments, 144 Views, 13 Votes ,1.13 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Happy woman !   9/2/2010

A woman in her fifties is at home, naked, happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.

Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care what you think. I just came from having a mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I ...


2 Comments, 177 Views, 16 Votes ,2.98 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Quickie in the Bushes !   9/2/2010

There are two statues in a park; One of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a path way for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for ...


1 Comments, 130 Views, 11 Votes ,1.67 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
the earring   9/2/2010

Morris is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker, Joe, is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

"Hey Joe, " he yells out, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal out of it. It's only an earring." Says Joe sheepishly.

"No ...


1 Comments, 119 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
in the beginning....   9/1/2010

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God.

"Lord, I have a problem!"

"What’s the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely, and I’m sick to ...


2 Comments, 117 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
sxetafysweet 56 F
2  Articles
Paper Bag   8/28/2010

Two guys were in a bar arguing whos wife was the ugliest. This went on for some time, until finally they told each other to prove it./:>

So they leave the bar and go to one of the guys house. Guy walks in and says "Honey Im Home"

Wife walks in and yes she was ugly and husband says to the other guy "see I told you she was ugly" Other guy says "OMG" YOUR RIGHT ...


5 Comments, 239 Views, 16 Votes ,2.69 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
The $2.99 Special !   8/25/2010

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.

'Sounds good, ' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'

'Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte, ' the waitress warned her.

'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.

...


1 Comments, 149 Views, 11 Votes ,2.98 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Senior Love !   8/25/2010

An elderly senior couple was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening. She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love. While the husband was in the living room, her ...


1 Comments, 107 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
big vacation   8/24/2010

There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed to spend holidays in Hawaii, but were never able to save any money to do so. One day they came up with an idea--each time they had sex, they would put $20.00 bill into a piggy bank.

They bought the piggy, and followed that procedure for about a year. After that time, they decided that there was enough money for their ...


2 Comments, 101 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
the nympho   8/24/2010

A guy sees his buddy in a bar and says, "You're not going to believe this, but I've got a wild nymphomaniac in my car out in the parking lot. She's wearing me out! Can you go out to the car and keep her busy? The dome light is off, so she won't know you're not me!"

His friend agrees and goes out to his car.

They climb into the back seat and start going at it.

A few ...


1 Comments, 170 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
out to lunch   8/24/2010

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another order at a table a few paces away) suddenly noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, the woman dining across ...


1 Comments, 95 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
gun shopping   8/24/2010

A woman walks into a sporting-goods store and asks the salesman if he could help her pick out a rifle. Its for my husband, she explains.

Did he tell you what caliber to get? asks the salesman.

Are you kidding? He doesnt even know Im gonna shoot him.


2 Comments, 110 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
The genie !   8/16/2010

Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....

Unfortunately, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'

So the couple walked ...


4 Comments, 177 Views, 20 Votes ,3.38 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
big johnnie   7/31/2010

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in ...


3 Comments, 180 Views, 10 Votes ,5.38 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
a womans touch   7/31/2010

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, I bet you can't tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

She said, "You have a bigger dick than all of your friends."


3 Comments, 188 Views, 10 Votes ,5.58 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
the hen pecked hillbilly   7/31/2010

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a ...


2 Comments, 156 Views, 7 Votes ,5.33 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
once again....communication is key...   7/31/2010

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No, " he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar, " she responded.

"I mean, " he ...


2 Comments, 130 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
the chairman of the board   7/31/2010

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."


3 Comments, 135 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
the story of john smith...   7/31/2010

A woman dies, and when she gets to heaven she asks Saint Peter, "Would it be possible for me to get together with my dear departed husband? He died many years ago." Saint Peter asks, "What's his name?" "John Smith, " replies the woman.

"Gee, " says Saint Peter, "we've got a lot of John Smiths up here. But sometimes we can identify people by their last words. Do you happen to remember ...


2 Comments, 135 Views, 8 Votes ,4.41 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
30 years of marriage   7/31/2010

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving ...


2 Comments, 129 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
final answer   7/31/2010

A man and his wife went to bed one night and the man was getting very frisky and asked his wife if she was in the mood. His wife answered, "Not tonight dear I have a headache."

The man replied, "Is that your final answer"? She said, "Yes."

...He said. "Ok, then, I'd like to phone a friend."


2 Comments, 117 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
a quote from oscar wilde   7/31/2010

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Oscar Wilde


2 Comments, 55 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
about men   7/31/2010

Men are like fine wine: They all start out as grapes, and it is your job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd want to have with dinner.

Men are like computers: Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

Men are like coolers: Load them with beer, and you can take them anywhere.

Men are like coffee: The best ones are ...


2 Comments, 77 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
needy?   7/31/2010

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he/she isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.


2 Comments, 51 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Aging !   7/26/2010

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the ...


3 Comments, 112 Views, 9 Votes ,3.85 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
You know you're a okie when....   7/26/2010

1. You take your for a walk and you both use the same tree. 2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter. 3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. 4. You burn your yard rather than mow it. 6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture. 7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it. 8. You have the local taxidermist on speed ...


1 Comments, 71 Views, 7 Votes ,2.02 Score
busheatinman0 74 M
1  Article
a day at dollar general   7/23/2010

THE OTHER DAY MY GIRL, CLOTERRA, CALLED ME AND ASK ME TO COME TO HER JOB. SO I WENT TO DOLLAR GENERAL WHERE SHE WORKS. IT'S KIND OF AN OUT OF THE WAY STORE AND FEW PEOPLE COME THERE BEFORE 2PM. I WENT IN AND SHE WAS AT THE REGISTER. SHE HAD ON A LONG BROWN SKIRT AND A WHITE BLOUSE. NOW CLOTERRA HAS VERY WIDE FLARING HIPS, YOU HAVE TO SEE THEM TO KNOW WHAT I MEAN. SHE DIDN'T HEAR ME OR SEE ME COME ...


5 Comments, 143 Views, 8 Votes ,1.39 Score
dirty_fuck_boy09 43 M
1  Article
... a joke from a TV program   7/15/2010

The other day, I walked into the flat and found my girlfriend having sex with an old friend I knew ages ago ....



But do you know what the worst thing was?



...

I couldn't remember his name!


0 Comments, 45 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Grandma Still Drives!   7/14/2010

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car.

She writes,

Dear Grand-,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

So, I ...


3 Comments, 121 Views, 14 Votes ,4.42 Score
FriendAndL0ver 61 M
5  Articles
Top 10 things men know about women.   7/11/2010

10.



9.



8.



7.



6.



5.



4.



3.

2. They have breasts.

1. They have a vagina.


1 Comments, 52 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
summertaiwan2010 36 M
2  Articles
Can girls appreciate some jokes during sex?   7/4/2010

And what are the limits?

I wore a yellow (banana flavored) condom. And ran around yelling PIKA PIKA PIKA! I got scolded for that >_>


1 Comments, 36 Views, 0 Votes
rm_MrBritania 42 M
1  Article
Amazing   7/4/2010

Is this all you need to do to get free points?


3 Comments, 63 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
bored   6/14/2010

need points


0 Comments, 3 Views, 0 Votes
bigtittiebbw 50 F
1  Article
Seriously....   6/3/2010

When chatting online, nothing makes me want to close the chat window faster than a guy saying "ask me anything you want". Yeah, I know that's my perogative. If we can't even make conversation online, I doubt there's going to be much attraction in person. Is "chatting" really that hard? Do we have to turn it into an interview.

That's all. Thank you for your attention. Carry on.


2 Comments, 181 Views, 7 Votes ,1.77 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
There's got to be a morning after !   5/28/2010

In the shitty gaa-bie little small southern town of Purgatory I live in I was found hanged from a pine tree limb in the overgrown front yard of the abandoned house I was hiding away from the world in. It was a half a block from the only red light in town and although cars and people walking by all day it wasn't reported till late in the afternoon.

But I wasn't hung with with rope, but ...


7 Comments, 189 Views, 27 Votes ,3.35 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
The Bagpiper and the Homeless Man!   5/10/2010

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a grave side service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back-country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a typical man I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw ...


2 Comments, 99 Views, 16 Votes ,0.78 Score
nvrgetsenuf 50 F
11  Articles
First Date Fuck Ups   5/9/2010

We've all had them. Admit it. Everybody's had at least one. Well, I've had more than one. There's one that almost got me arrested. And how about the one who's wife called me ten minutes after he dropped me off? I've got a hundred stories, but I'm only gonna tell you about one.

The names have been changed to protect the guilty. Before I tell you this story I have to tell you a little ...


1 Comments, 258 Views, 11 Votes ,4.29 Score
bisexualgurl2010 43 F
3  Articles
5 yr Anniversary   4/22/2010

I had crimped and prepped the night before he was takin me to dinner and a movie to celebrate our anniversary. I wanted to do something really kinky this anniversary just to let him know "I still had IT".

We went to dinner first and it was a fancy joint so I didn't wanna pull any tricks out there. We went on to the theather to see "7 Pounds-Will Smith". I knew I wanted to do something ...


2 Comments, 80 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
christopher___25 39 M
12  Articles
humor   4/17/2010

if a hot guy grabs you on the ass and pussy your so lucky, if a not so hot guy grabs you on the ass and pussy it's sexual abuse and he gets charged.how are men supposed to know if it is right to touch. i know a hot guy that walked around his back yard naked and his neibour who was a church going lady was watching now she calls him up for sex every night and they fuck.but if some men tryed that ...


1 Comments, 48 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Free kittens !   4/17/2010

A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home. Next to her was a basket containing a number tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.

Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a tall, grinning man.

"Hi there, little girl, I'm President Obama. What do you have in the basket?" he ...


2 Comments, 144 Views, 33 Votes ,1.49 Score
sweetnsingle30 45 F
1  Article
yellow thread   3/24/2010

this lady i used to live with when i was younger that the only way she would let me live with her was if i promised to stay a virgin. And if she ever found out if i had sex she would than sew my hole with yellow..I laughed and asked her why yellow thread? She replied with so when a man goes down on you he can see that is sewn shut..lmao i couldnt bear to tell her that i had just got done having ...


5 Comments, 209 Views, 13 Votes ,1.30 Score
kathywithgary 43 C
16  Articles
Snow Sex   3/20/2010

It was a cold snowy day, when we had to saddle up the horses to go check the fence line. He wasn't my boyfriend but we had a secret sex life. Half way threw we took a break tieing the horses to a tree. The next thing I knew he pulled me close and said lets have some fun. I said it's snowing and daylight and what if someone sees us. I was still shy cause of my high school age. I said the snow ...


3 Comments, 167 Views, 14 Votes ,4.42 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Mixed emotions !   3/16/2010

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of “mixed emotions”.

The husband turned to his wife and said, “Honey, that’s a bunch of crap. I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

She said: “Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick.“
...


3 Comments, 168 Views, 43 Votes
hornytvforfun 51 T
2  Articles
beaten   3/13/2010

when i was 21 my girlfriend at the time had the fantasy, so we used to go to the local park in the early hours and i would hide in the bushes wait for her to walk past and jump out on her....one night we went a bit to early...i jumped out on her started ripping her clothes off, ,suddenly i felt a hand on my shoulder turned around to be greeted by a fist in the face...it was some bloke walking ...


3 Comments, 80 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Sweet tea !   3/1/2010

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle."

Two weeks ...


2 Comments, 215 Views, 43 Votes ,0.74 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Church Offering !   2/25/2010

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1, 000. It happened again the next week!

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. "Ma'am, I ...


1 Comments, 191 Views, 35 Votes
When My Parents Visit   2/16/2010

Being that it was my birthday, I have to admit I was hoping for breakfast in bed. When I wandered into the kitchen, half-asleep and even less coherent, I was hoping for at least a decent breakfast. I was wishing for waffles and eyeing the Cornflakes when I heard a giggle behind me and my boxers were jerked down my legs. I spun around and nearly fell in the process but Sarah caught me before I ...


3 Comments, 703 Views, 15 Votes ,5.43 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
STAGES OF BEING DRUNK   1/17/2010

Stage 1 ‒ SMART This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING

This is when ...


2 Comments, 87 Views, 10 Votes ,3.78 Score
DDBDM 60 C
3  Articles
Compliments come in many forms   1/14/2010

Being sexy for the one you love is as important and feeling sexy. As we age and grow old with our partner we still want to look good. When I was young I was a swimsuit model, now that I'm middle aged I've gained a few pounds my husband calls me curvy. That makes me feel good when we joke around and I'm complaining of being out of shape he simply says "honey round is a shape". lol


9 Comments, 181 Views, 20 Votes ,3.51 Score
Young5Gun 35 M
3  Articles
lies   1/12/2010

a man and a woman had been married for 20yrs. Each night they made love the husband wanted complete darkness and he would go under the covers and do his business. well one night the wife decided that they had been married long enough and she wanted to see him as he penetrated her. When she pulled covers back she saw him using a sex toy and she yelled you've been laying to me all these yrs ...


4 Comments, 195 Views, 12 Votes ,4.92 Score
Agr3ss1v34U 45 M
0  Articles
The ElectroLux Vacuum Cleaner Parts Salesman is my !   1/9/2010

I was in a lengthy relationship with a straight-laced vanilla 6th grade school math teacher who would frequently wear her hair in a bun. Yeah, you've got the right mental image right there.

She also suffered from uncontrollable OCD which was a double-edged sword. She could take her medications and be semi-normal. With one exception, no sex was happening while the medication did its magic ...


2 Comments, 128 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Leela1978 45 F
12  Articles
“Leela Kee Maa Kee…….”   1/8/2010

If you have seen a reindeer or a bull you know what being horny means. It sticks out a mile away. As I have said earlier too, I am 24x7 horny and on a blind date it didn’t take me long to get down to the bare essentials. I was essentially bare in no time and he was still tearing off his pants when I panted and thrust my pelvic zone rather impatiently. He peeled off the cotton trousers, got ...


10 Comments, 308 Views, 13 Votes ,2.81 Score
18764930560SEX 30 M
10  Articles
HAVE YOU EVER FUCKED SOMEONE THAT HAS A BAD SMELL????   1/5/2010

Its a funny yet serious situation because its hard to tell someone they smell...... DAMM


9 Comments, 127 Views, 8 Votes ,1.86 Score
rm_lilguy4uall 51 M
5  Articles
whose clothes /does it matter   1/4/2010

my girl friend found some pics of me on our computer an flipped a little me naked or with another dud then she found pics of me wearing her clothes and and got mad at me i told her they r hot clothes and if she wasnt goin to wear them i wont waste them and then she found the sites and me as a crossdresser datint now its breakin up and staying together she is made but says she loves me but dont ...


2 Comments, 119 Views, 8 Votes
Leela1978 45 F
12  Articles
Just an Accident   12/27/2009

My mom said I was accident prone and may be she is right. We were on our honeymoon in a hill resort, and the world was my oyster. The room had a beautiful hill side view, and opened on to a terrace meant for parties. My dad had been a chain smoker and as his favourite doll I too had sort of developed considerable tolerance to smoke. This helped me no ends during my marriage as my husband too had ...


2 Comments, 307 Views, 10 Votes ,3.58 Score
Why does money cause so many problems.   12/23/2009

It's so funny. I work a 7 day week, nearly 60 - 70 hours per week. But when I want to spend $100 on myself. oh my god, all hell breaks loose. Sure honey, you can buy that top, those pants, oh can get this dvd, "hell no"!!!

What with that? I just wanna buy one thing once in a while....


3 Comments, 68 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
Serious Couples Have To Have Relationship Humor.   12/5/2009

When attemping the swinging lifestyle one thing you wanna make sure you have is relationship humor.I think with out this it's hard for a couple to live in this lifestyle. I wanna know what you others think?


2 Comments, 101 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
john and jill   11/21/2009

John and Jill were about to go into his apartment and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."

John says, "Well, give me some examples."

Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't ...


4 Comments, 260 Views, 13 Votes ,5.49 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
a day in the life....   11/21/2009

A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.

About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?"

Of course, the wife agrees, ...


1 Comments, 179 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
the wedding   11/20/2009

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen, " the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?"

"Easy, " the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said, 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."


0 Comments, 176 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
rewards in heaven   11/17/2009

3 Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, "However good you were to your wife that is the vehicle you will get in heaven".

The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife and I love her". So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce.

The next man comes up and says, "I cheated on my wife a little but I stilll love her." He gets ...


1 Comments, 158 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
why buy the cow....   11/15/2009

The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found they could buy a cow in North Carolina, for $200.00.

They bought the cow from N. C. and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. ...


1 Comments, 155 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
shoulda bought a hat.....   11/12/2009

An elderly couple named Margaret and Burt live in Alberta. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife, 'Notice anythingdifferent about me?'

Margaret looks him over, 'Nope.'

Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and > walks back ...


1 Comments, 147 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
good trade....   11/10/2009

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, she got in the car.

After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown ...


1 Comments, 145 Views, 11 Votes ,4.48 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
marketing and promotions   11/10/2009

One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips.

Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.

Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"


1 Comments, 122 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
air traffic controller   11/10/2009

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the U.S. Air crew, screaming: "U.S. Air 2771, where the hell are you going?

I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's ...


1 Comments, 141 Views, 8 Votes ,4.17 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
an italian,a frenchman ,and the jew   11/9/2009

The Italian man says, "Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end."

The Frenchman boasts, "Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then made passionate love and she screamed for fifteen minutes."

The Jewish man says, "Well, ...


2 Comments, 124 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
HandleThisOne19 34 M
15  Articles
This is nice   11/8/2009

let me know what you think about roleplaying.


5 Comments, 92 Views, 4 Votes ,0.14 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
guess your weight   11/7/2009

A man decides he wants to have a pig roast, so he goes out to a pig farm to buy one. He agrees on a per pound price with the farmer and then begins to select a pig. "How about that one?"

"OK, " replies the farmer. The farmer then picks up the pig, puts it`s tail in his mouth, lets it hang from his mouth and then declares, "This one weighs 74 pounds."

"That`s amazing, " the man ...


1 Comments, 104 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
goat hunting   11/7/2009

A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals.

The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, the boy didn't know what he'd killed so he ran to the farmhouse and described his kill to the farmer.

"It ...


1 Comments, 104 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
used parrot   11/7/2009

Rhonda went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.

The owner replied, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of , and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird ...


1 Comments, 89 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
secret to a long marriage   11/3/2009

There once was a little old man and woman who had been married happily for 75 years. They never kept anything from each other. But, the little old woman had a box in her closet which she told her husband not to look at. He respected her wishes and thought nothing of it.

One day the little old woman got very sick and her husband was afraid she was going to pass on. So while she she was ...


4 Comments, 151 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
2 hours of GREAT SEX !!!!   11/2/2009

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
story with a moral....   11/1/2009

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.

The question was: What do ...


1 Comments, 68 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
the virtue of purity   11/1/2009

A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. "No thank you." she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."

"That must be rather difficult." the man replied.

"Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But, it has my husband ...


1 Comments, 91 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
one of THOSE days....   11/1/2009

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?" Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So what happened that's so horrible?

Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked ...


1 Comments, 85 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
six double vodka's   11/1/2009

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the bartender, "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.

When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that ...


1 Comments, 82 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
a sexist joke :O   10/30/2009

...why do men like to be on the bottom during sex so much?

......because they only know how to fuck up


2 Comments, 55 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
The healing touch !   10/2/2009

A Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The man looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes, " so the man told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat ...


4 Comments, 219 Views, 48 Votes
damerk1 31 M
10  Articles
Politically Correct   9/25/2009

He does not have a BEER GUT. He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

He is not a BAD DANCER. He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME. He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

He is not BALDING. He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

He is not a CRADLE ROBBER. He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

He does not get ...


1 Comments, 48 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
damerk1 31 M
10  Articles
Combacks   9/25/2009

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. ...


1 Comments, 57 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
damerk1 31 M
10  Articles
Men   9/25/2009

... Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

... Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

... Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.

... Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

... Coolers. Load them ...


1 Comments, 32 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
AMISH ELEVATOR   9/18/2009

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father(never having seen an elevator) responded, ", I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were ...


0 Comments, 89 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Goodbye Daddy   9/18/2009

tsk tsk tsk...motherhood is a certainty...fatherhood a probability...

GOODBYE DADDY

A father put his 3 year old to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying: 'God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa.' The father asked, 'Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?' ...


0 Comments, 139 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Marriage counseling‏ !   9/4/2009

A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over ...


3 Comments, 228 Views, 30 Votes
gashapon2 54 M
38  Articles
30 truths about women   9/1/2009

1. Wherever they are, women will stop to look at four things, earrings, handbags, shoes, and clothes.

2. Women love eating chocolate cake but always complain about their weight.

3. If a woman ask you if she is getting fat, if you say ‘no’, she won’t believe you and if you say ‘yes’, she’ll get mad.

4. If you need to explain ...


4 Comments, 140 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Trip to Vegas !   8/25/2009

George and Gertrude decided to celebrate their 50th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off.

Gertrude objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude."

"Gertrude, she's a ."

"I don't believe you. ...


2 Comments, 190 Views, 27 Votes
1guyneed2girl 36 C
11  Articles
funny things happening during sex   8/10/2009

whats funny shit has happend to you whilst having sex. best one for me was when someone had a water belly so made funny sounds hahahhaha


4 Comments, 140 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
GENDER ITEMS   8/8/2009

ZIPLOC BAGS - male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

SWISS ARMY KNIFE - male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS - female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

SHOE - male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue ...


1 Comments, 55 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
WHAT WOMEN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEN   8/6/2009

1. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming to high.

2. Women don't make fools of men-most of them are the do-it-yourself types.



3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you've got sick of him.



4. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

...


3 Comments, 83 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Confounded sex !   8/3/2009

A man was in a terrible accident, and his 'manhood' was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3, 500 for 'small, $6, 500 for 'medium, $14, 000 for 'large.'

The man was sure he would wanta medium or ...


3 Comments, 189 Views, 34 Votes ,0.18 Score
Man Rules   7/27/2009

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and ...


2 Comments, 118 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
Milk   7/25/2009

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free."

Here's an update for you . . . Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.

Why?

Because women finally realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig . . . just to get a little sausage.


5 Comments, 141 Views, 11 Votes ,4.48 Score
Comebacks to Pickup Lines   7/24/2009

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. ...


2 Comments, 77 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
The Cuckoo Clock   7/23/2009

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing he'd probably wake up, I cuckooed ...


1 Comments, 124 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
BAD NEWS   7/5/2009

A secretary walked into her boss's office & said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you."

"Why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained.

"Tell me some good news for once."

"Alright, here's some good news, " said the secretary.

"You're not sterile."


2 Comments, 207 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
joys of single life   6/17/2009

Cooking my own meals would be an adventure, not a punishment.

I wouldn't have to explain why I'm wearing "that" shirt with "those" pants.

I could leave the toilet seat in any position I damn well please.

I could actually tell the bartender, "If anyone calls, I'm here".

I'd be painting the town instead of the house.

When I get home after work, I don't ...


1 Comments, 49 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
perfect couple   6/16/2009

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There ...


2 Comments, 127 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
docmotad61 26 M
2  Articles
Girlfriend Blowjob Revenge   6/10/2009

I once had a girlfriend that was mad at me, and rather than just yell at me she decided to play it cool for a couple hours. After a couple hours had gone by she had this great idea to give me a blow job. The bad part is, i had forgotten about the argument or even what it was about. She however, had not.

So she is eager as hell to undo my pants and is telling me the dirtiest most erotic ...


7 Comments, 365 Views, 19 Votes ,4.57 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Marital Bliss ! ?   6/2/2009

While driving to his mothers house a husband and wife got into it as usual because he was going to see his mom.

The husband told his wife, "BITCH! Don't say a fucking word when we get over there because mama can't stand the sound of your god damn screaming railing and riling voice."

The wife replied, "You sorry of a bitch! You know what I can't stand about your old crazy, ...


4 Comments, 207 Views, 21 Votes
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Two elderly women !   5/25/2009

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.

Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me, I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think ...


4 Comments, 181 Views, 26 Votes
countryrebellady 60 F
2  Articles
Shrink vs.Bartender   5/24/2009

Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders

EVER SINCE I WAS A , I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year, ' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able ...


5 Comments, 131 Views, 6 Votes ,5.64 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
how to make your woman happy....   5/19/2009

How to Make a Woman Happy











It's not difficult to make a woman happy.... A man only needs to be:









1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a ...


1 Comments, 95 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
san62357 36 M
26  Articles
Men and Women   5/9/2009

Men and Women on planet earth die from various places throughout the world at a particular moment in time and go to God's abode to be judged.







The God welcomes this new batch and tries his experimental new judgement trick and says, " I want all you humans to form two queues.







One line is for the men who dominated their women, ...


2 Comments, 70 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
girlzeena 65 F
39  Articles
On Picking up Men   5/8/2009

Many years ago, my Mother sat my twin sister and I down in order to explain the Facts Of Life to us.

However, she told us that this was not as nearly as important as where one should meet their future life mate.

She informed us that the following places were Taboo to meet a man and that should you find a man here, the relationship was doomed from the start.

The places ...


0 Comments, 200 Views, 5 Votes ,2.16 Score
girlzeena 65 F
39  Articles
Fliration of Youth   4/26/2009

I had posted some photos on one of those generic sites.

The photos were the type relatives usually take....me eating or adjusting my panties, for an example.

Somehow these photos caught the eye of a young man aged 18 and he just had to contact me.

Was I aware that we lived a town apart? Could I come over to his home to have some "fun?"

The young man, after ...


2 Comments, 166 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
The thrill is gone !   4/22/2009

The thrill is gone from my marriage", a man tells his friend.

"Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?" the friend suggested.

"What if my wife finds out?' the first asked.



"Just be honest and tell her about it, " the second man answered.

The man went home and told his wife, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together." ...


11 Comments, 235 Views, 31 Votes ,1.03 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
For people that remember Bob hope !   4/20/2009

May 29, 1903 - July 27, 2003

ON TURNING 70 "You still chase women, but only downhill".

ON TURNING 80 "That's the time of your life even when even your birthday suit needs pressing."

ON TURNING 90 "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."

ON TURNING 100 " I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel anything ...


5 Comments, 115 Views, 31 Votes ,0.08 Score
san62357 36 M
26  Articles
Present For Husband   4/16/2009

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"

The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!" The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: ...


3 Comments, 184 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
For men only ! ! !   4/7/2009

5 RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in ...


9 Comments, 226 Views, 57 Votes ,0.16 Score
san62357 36 M
26  Articles
10 COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE   4/7/2009

Commandment 1

Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.



***********



Commandment 2

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep.



***********



Commandment 3

Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

...


3 Comments, 123 Views, 6 Votes ,2.23 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
A Doctor speaking in front of an audience !   4/3/2009

The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.

Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long- term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we ...


10 Comments, 202 Views, 54 Votes ,2.03 Score
hawababy1 53 F
23  Articles
YOU AND I   3/31/2009

You and I are not the same, Nor will we ever be... But we have a common thread, That attaches you to me.

A golden thread that's spun so fine, With so much love and care, A thread of gold, for us to hold, That only best friends can share.

A common bond within our hearts, Love that's rare, a special find. An ability to feel and see, Within the heart so blind...

So know my ...


3 Comments, 75 Views, 10 Votes ,4.58 Score
Fitntwo 58 M
1  Article
Vertically Challenged   3/25/2009

The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time.

The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem..

The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.

The midget dropped his pants.

The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him.

The doctor put one finger under his left testicle ...


3 Comments, 175 Views, 9 Votes ,5.56 Score
bono interrupted my loving   3/20/2009

I was with my girl for 2 weeks that time, and i visited her for 3 days, we only got out of bed to get to the toilette. We kept having our fun for 15 times in about one day. She loves to listen to music all the time, and its allways funny when shes singing to a song while i try to get her horny. The horror came at the evening, i just got down on her, tasting her sweet pussy, and then got my big ...


1 Comments, 112 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Computer Trouble !   3/16/2009

I was having trouble with my computer. So, I called Richard, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?' He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.' I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ...


15 Comments, 397 Views, 53 Votes ,1.37 Score
funniest thing during sex   3/15/2009

curious to know what the craziest/funniest thing people have had happen to them during sex


3 Comments, 155 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Blind Faith...... Is it dead?   3/13/2009

Is blind faith in a partner dead. A great question if you actually believe in blind faith. I personally think that it is foolish, at least now I do. I used to have blind faith in a woman and man did I learn my lesson. Well... actually no, not right away anyhow. I never thought my girl would cheat on me, and for the most part, she proved herself faithful time and again. Once I had found ...


0 Comments, 22 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
louisiana bride   2/23/2009

Three men chose brides.

The first man married a woman from OHIO . He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from MICHIGAN . He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The ...


2 Comments, 139 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
milf_4yngstuds 49 F
2  Articles
10 quirky facts about kissing   2/20/2009

Think you know a thing or two about kissing? You probably do. But the facts below are so off the beaten path, we’ll bet you don’t know them all–and they could come in handy. Not only could they provide some steamy “Did you know…?” chit chat, but they’ll help you see all the benefits a satisfying lip lock can bring into your life. Happy smooching! ...


8 Comments, 312 Views, 19 Votes ,3.39 Score
girlzeena 65 F
39  Articles
Why is my Twin Sister so dense????   2/19/2009

I had just mentioned to my twin sister that I would be appearing at a local comedy club down in South Jersey, just a short drive from her home in Delaware.

She asked me "What will you be doing there?"

I gave it some thought, and I replied that I do an act where I am totally nude and have strategically placed balloons on my body, which I POP to the tune of "I am just wild about ...


0 Comments, 203 Views, 6 Votes ,1.94 Score
smky2876 44 C
1  Article
SEX AND YOUR FIRST NAME   2/4/2009

According to studies, your sexual identity is revealed by the first letter of your first name what do you think? Those of you with names that start with N will probably wish it started with K

Disclaimer This was given to me by a close friend of mine named John Lozon A

You are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action. You mean ...


8 Comments, 391 Views, 19 Votes ,4.44 Score
rm_2U4U2 60 F
6  Articles
Here" a good one folks............   1/30/2009

I kind of am seeing this guy; ya, kinda of seeing this guy. We been together for about 3 1/2 years and it really hasnt gone anywhere but until I get out of the relationship, which is like next month, I kind of want to c what u all have to say about this one.

He barely got back from MX and El Centro after being there for a supposed funeral and personal family business. He was gone from ...


3 Comments, 211 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
girlzeena 65 F
39  Articles
What's wrong with this picture?   1/28/2009

My twin sister is the stupidest smart person I know. Her college G.P.A. was 3.98.

I never tell anyone my grade point average because it would prove that there is "an inverse relationship between bust size and I.Q."

She calls me about 4 to 6 times a day and all we ever talk about is her.

She just started to date through one of fancy dating sites and had her first date. ...


3 Comments, 215 Views, 7 Votes ,2.53 Score
girlzeena 65 F
39  Articles
A + class act   1/20/2009

we started chating in an AdultFriendFinder chatroom. The conversation was going well and the young man wanted to continue on IM Yahoo Messenger.

He told me that his name was Philip S, I can't reveal his last name for privacy sake but it was the same name that Winnie the Pooh lived under in his hollow tree home (wasn't the nams Saunders???).

He said his $1400 computer cam wasn't working, ...


5 Comments, 321 Views, 12 Votes ,3.86 Score
stupid glove box   1/20/2009

i use to keep a small vibrator in my glove box of my car so when i had a extreme wait for someone r just driving and ended up getting horny i could use it. needless to say my car was broken into and my lock on my glove box was broken. i completely forgot about it one day and was giving my mom a ride. well she started going through my glove box while i was in the gas station and when i came out ...


2 Comments, 163 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
vibrator   1/20/2009

we were having a party one night with a group of friends. we kept hearing this weird humming sound coming from my room. we went to go investigate and to my horror one of our friends apparently went into our room into my nightstand and got out one of my vibrators. they were all sitting around on the floor with it turned on watching it vibrate across the ...


3 Comments, 277 Views, 9 Votes ,2.57 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
a slip of the tongue   12/24/2008

A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too.

He says to him, "Hey, this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?"

The other guy says, "Well, it just happened, it was a tongue twister accident.

See, I was at the ticket ...


1 Comments, 229 Views, 13 Votes ,1.97 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
always get a second opinion...   12/24/2008

A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either, " and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and calls home.

She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I ...


2 Comments, 201 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
40th anniversary   12/24/2008

On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"

Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, ...


2 Comments, 139 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
memory class   12/24/2008

An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association.

A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.

"What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor.

"Oh, ummmm, let's see, " the old man ...


1 Comments, 95 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
Guilty or not?   12/23/2008

I accidentally slept with my sister's friend. I was all alone at home watching porn when she came over looking for my sis. When i went to the kitchen to make a drink for her, she switch back on the TV and saw PORN! She kept it cool so we watch it together. I got so horny that we started touching. One thing lead to another and we ended making out in the living room. Is it wrong to do your sister's ...


8 Comments, 284 Views, 8 Votes ,1.16 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
4 sons   12/9/2008

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest had black hair, dark eyes, and was short.

The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest my ?"

The wife replied, "I swear on ...


2 Comments, 202 Views, 2 Votes
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
the phone call   12/9/2008

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

When a cell phone on a bench rings, a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk....

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: I am at the mall and found a beautiful leather coat. It's $1, 000. Can I buy it?"

MAN: "OK, go ahead if you ...


4 Comments, 159 Views, 3 Votes ,0.49 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
100 camels   12/9/2008

As US tourists in Israel, Morris and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists.

An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts.

After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.

"America, " Morris replied.

Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded. "She's not from the ...


0 Comments, 86 Views, 0 Votes
The Dear John Revenge   12/6/2008

A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. AND, she wanted pictures of herself back.

So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of ...


2 Comments, 233 Views, 17 Votes ,7.37 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
gone fishin'   12/6/2008

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge.

One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge.

He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head.

The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.

The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you." ...


0 Comments, 111 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
home late   12/4/2008

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says,

"You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ...


0 Comments, 108 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
every saturday morning....   12/2/2008

Every Saturday morning he has an early tee time. He gets up early and eager, golfs all day long, sometimes 36 holes.

Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his clubs out of the closet and goes to his car to drive to the course.

Coming out of his garage rain is pouring down; torrential downpour.

There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the ...


1 Comments, 109 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
LOL....at the end of his rope.........   12/2/2008

One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world. She was an innocent bride with no experience.

After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having sex.

The new bride asks, "What are them cows up to honey?"

The husband, a bit flustered, answers, "Why can't you see? Them ...


1 Comments, 112 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
LOL(this was cute)   12/2/2008

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home.

They are about to kiss each other goodnight, but the guy is feeling a little horny.

With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her "Darling, would you give me a blow job?"

Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us ...


1 Comments, 114 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
the birthday present   12/2/2008

A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note - romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he bought a pair of white gloves; the younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.

...


1 Comments, 67 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
newlyweds   12/2/2008

A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing.

When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "Ewww - what's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird. Why are your feet so gross?"

"I had tolio as a , " he answered.

"You mean ...


1 Comments, 103 Views, 5 Votes ,1.51 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
applying for social security   11/28/2008

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, ...


2 Comments, 110 Views, 8 Votes ,3.94 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
the newlyweds   11/28/2008

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and ...


0 Comments, 73 Views, 9 Votes ,2.78 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
a better ofer   11/28/2008

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever, ' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. ...


0 Comments, 80 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
Useless Toy   11/28/2008

Okay, so a while back, I was dating this older man...14 years older than me. I met him off the net. He was from Louisiana and really hot. He would come visit me every other weekend. He had a big dick, and the first time we had sex, it was so romantic, but it felt like I was losing my virginity again. Eventually, I got used to it. Before we broke up, he took me to a sex shop ...


5 Comments, 206 Views, 8 Votes ,3.71 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
anniversaries////   11/28/2008

0in 6 seconds to 200



Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there ...


0 Comments, 78 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
ROFLMAO !   11/21/2008

Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample."

The old man says, "What?" So the doctor says it again. Once again the old man says, "what?"

So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!"

With that the old woman turns to the ...


9 Comments, 215 Views, 59 Votes
prongraffitti 42 M
1  Article
Tips For Sex   10/27/2008

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.





Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing; between 5 it's fantastic.





Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.







Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the ...


0 Comments, 95 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
rm_niyazmoh 46 M
6  Articles
let me tell it out   10/24/2008

On their first night to be together, the newlywed couple go to get changed. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe."

The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh, " he exclaims, "My word, you are so beautiful, let me take your ...


0 Comments, 112 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
NiceItalianGuy61 60 M
2  Articles
Scammed   10/17/2008

Met a women online and invited her out for dinner and a night out on the town. She was a very attractive women around my age and we seemed to be hitting it off.

After dinner we hit some night spots and I was thinking that I was going to get lucky the first night, not that it was important because I really wanted to see this lady again.

Well as the night came to a close and we ...


2 Comments, 160 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
haha   10/9/2008

pussy lol lol ...


15 Comments, 199 Views, 47 Votes ,2.17 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
hmmmmmmm....   9/28/2008

A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage, when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her yanks her over the fence and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishhes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital. ...


0 Comments, 187 Views, 5 Votes ,5.75 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
OMG!   9/26/2008

Wife comes home to find the old man shagging the in the front room. "My God Henry", she screams, "I know you've had other woman but this time you've gone too far!" "You may be right" he says, "I think I'm stuck."


1 Comments, 220 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
StrangerXX999 50 M
1  Article
Possible factor loosing your man...   9/22/2008

While I recall your acticle replied that you was totally lost your man, .. Well , sex do a vital which nobody can denied that , yes & no , only the time when both needed it .. another factor was also your daily interaction ...how to get along with each other... that is the most challenges thing to stay for long... imaging two person grown up from a different environment & background to be ...


2 Comments, 83 Views, 6 Votes ,0.52 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
STAGES OF MARRIED LIFE   9/20/2008

1: Tri-weekly 2: Try weekly 3: Try weakly 4. Try oysters 5: Try anything 6: Try to remember


0 Comments, 68 Views, 6 Votes ,1.94 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
LIFE OF THE PARTY   9/20/2008

After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, "What the hell happened?" "As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss, " replied the wife. "Piss on him, " answered the husband. "You did, " said the wife, "and he fired you." "Well, fuck him, " said the husband. "I did, and you go back to work ...


3 Comments, 155 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
GOLF TO IMPRESS   9/20/2008

Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like forever. He'd waggle, look down, look up, but never start his backswing. Finally David, his playing partner, asked, "Why on Earth are you taking so long to make this shot?"

"My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, and I want to make this shot a good one, " said Bob.

"Good Lord, " said David, "you ...


0 Comments, 72 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
hmmmmm   9/19/2008

Q: Why are bachelors thin, and married men fat? A: Bachelors come home, check to see what's in the fridge, and go to bed. �.Married men come home, check to see what's in the bed, and go the fridge.


0 Comments, 51 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
lil ohnny in 1st grade   9/19/2008

A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat. "What Animal is this?" she asked. "A cat!" said Eddie. "Good job! Now, what is this Animal?" "A dog!" said Eddie. "Good! Now what Animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a Deer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad." "A ...


1 Comments, 115 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
guardian angels   9/19/2008

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you ...


1 Comments, 86 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
fine wine   9/19/2008

"Look at me." an elderly Yuppie boasted to his guests at his birthday bash. "I've aged like a fine old carefully stored wine."

"I certainly have to agree with that." piped-up his obviously long suffering wife. "Henry's cork's been stationary for years."


1 Comments, 61 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
birthday gifts   9/19/2008

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"


1 Comments, 63 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
the wooden anniversary   9/19/2008

We've been married a little over four years, and we just celebrated our "Wooden Anniversary." Yeah, I asked my wife to blow me, and she woodnt !!!


1 Comments, 50 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
lis728117 34 F
2  Articles
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS   9/17/2008

Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


5 Comments, 116 Views, 10 Votes ,3.78 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
LOL!   9/13/2008

TO MY DEAR WIFE, During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The followingis a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be asleep 22 times you had a headache 17 ...


1 Comments, 128 Views, 11 Votes ,4.66 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
amazed   9/13/2008

A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of compromising situations as the man can get.

Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all the evidence he needs. They make an appointment for a meeting. The two of them are sitting there ...


1 Comments, 97 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
hmmmmmmmmmmm!   9/13/2008

After the lavish wedding reception, the newlyweds retired to their Honeymoon Suite. The groom turned down the lights and found some nice CDs to stack on the player. Then he excused himself and returned in pajamas and robe. He opened a bottle of champagne and poured them each a drink, unaware that his new bride had already had more than enuff to drink. Finally, he took the girl of ...


1 Comments, 86 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
curiosity   9/13/2008

My wife and I were watching some TV show the other nite where the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband and see if he were in fact "cheating" on her. I asked my wife if she would ever do that. She said, "Well not so much to find out who the other woman was, but to see if I could find out what she saw in ya."


1 Comments, 117 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
early from work   9/13/2008

A man comes home early from work and finds his wife and his best friend in bed. The man throws up his hands in disbelief and says, "My God Pete !!! I more-or-less 'have to', but YOU ???"


1 Comments, 98 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
to whom it may concern....   9/13/2008

The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where therapy continues.

In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg's physician comes into his room and says, "Sol, I'm happy to tell you that you are completely well. You have the heart function that you ...


1 Comments, 79 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
saving it up   9/13/2008

The 70-year old groom and the 25-year old bride attracted raised eyebrow attention as they checked into the resort hotel. Next morning at eight sharp, the groom came into the dining room whistling a gay tune, sat down at a table and ordered ham and eggs. The smile on his face and the twinkle in his eye told everybody present that he was happy and confident. Fifteen minutes later the young bride ...


1 Comments, 90 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
barely used   9/13/2008

A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:

Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.

Driving along the highway, I saw this young woman looking tired and bedraggled, so I brought her home and made ...


1 Comments, 119 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
o my   9/12/2008

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.

The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father, " he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage."

His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?"

"Oh ...


2 Comments, 86 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
bedroom golf....you gotta love it !!!   9/10/2008

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls. 2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole. 3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out. 4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins. 5. Course owners ...


1 Comments, 65 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
cutewhitebutt 49 M
2  Articles
hahaha just had to get this one off my chest.   9/7/2008

My ex seemed to have found the answer to getting me to swing with her..

she read on the dance's website that you tell your partner over and over that you desperately want to watch them have sex with someone else... word for word off the site. no originality whatsoever...

what did she think i wouldn't figure it out eventually and read the website?? lol

just had to put ...


4 Comments, 121 Views, 3 Votes ,0.49 Score
smart28hunk1 49 M
11  Articles
why guys of corse gals also look4 relationship n when   9/7/2008

it is a silly question but why a well knit knit united family member looks for relationship cos of fun fantassy bore of same way of sex or need more lust in life and at what age is it safe ...


1 Comments, 33 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Alan Partridge sex???   8/27/2008

an ex and i got into Alan Partridge years ago. i was in a shared house in university at the time. she double dared me to scream "AAHHHHRRRR Back of the net" at the top of my voice when i climaxed. sooooo funny! all you students give it a go lol!


0 Comments, 35 Views, 0 Votes
How do you circumcise a wail???   8/27/2008

answer: send four skin divers down!


0 Comments, 17 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
three rats in a bar   8/27/2008

three rats sitting in a bar talking about how hard they are.

the first one says " the people in my house put down rat poison the other day! but i gobbled it all down and it didn't do nothin cos I'm well hard!"

the second rat "tu!!! thats nothin! the guys in my place put down traps, but i just took the crack on the back and gobbled up all their cheese cos I'm hard!

third ...


0 Comments, 76 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
woodluv2pleseu2 58 M
1  Article
I prefer to make love, it is far more satisfying then just sex   8/27/2008

So many times I have seen it asked “what is the difference between making love and having sex. I use to reply with some humorous but kurt answers. I have read other folk’s responses , all very good opinions. Now I think I have my own, this does not come from any experience with various partners, rather it come from how I genuinely feel.

Sex , I think< is relatively easy to ...


0 Comments, 48 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
tryuswithyou 73 C
6  Articles
Make an Impression   8/25/2008

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN... compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN... show up naked, bring beer.


2 Comments, 58 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
countrygirlfla 70 F
7  Articles
How to tell if your a swinger   8/20/2008

100 Ways to tell if your a swinger 1. You are wearing wristbands in most of your vacation photos. 2. Half of the numbers on your cellphone are listed only by screen names. 3. You are running out of reasons to tell your coworkers why you can't go out with them this weekend. 4. You have over 100, 000 frequent flyer miles on Air Jamaica. 5. You know most of your friends' names only as couples (Rich ...


1 Comments, 116 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
bcurius2 59 C
0  Articles
Vibrators are fore fun   8/20/2008

In 1992 I went hospital to give birth to my lovely ( who is now 16 ) but when I was away my mother-in-law decided to get me some clothes out of my cupboard. To my horror my lovely husband had put my one and only big black vibrator on top of the clothes she chose for me to put on. Mind you I would have hope in hell of fitting into the dress but on top of that she would have had to move my ...


2 Comments, 225 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
Do you still get horny?   8/10/2008

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch in Bonita Springs, doing nothing.

One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'

The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.'

The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?'

The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, 'Who drives you to the beach?'


2 Comments, 173 Views, 12 Votes ,3.51 Score
Wess573 63 M
9  Articles
Booty Call Agreement copy and paste it funny stuff   8/10/2008

Booty Call Agreement

This pre-booty call agreement (here in after referred to as the "Agreement") is entered into on the _____________ day of ___________, 2008 by_______________ and ________________.

THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULE AND PRINCIPALS:

1. No sleeping over. Unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.

2. No meeting ...


4 Comments, 129 Views, 8 Votes ,5.33 Score
Wess573 63 M
9  Articles
40 MISTAKES MEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN   8/9/2008

I posted this under My other nic on AdultFriendFinder I just had to bring it over here to Xmatch.



This is what I was told by a woman so I guess it is true..



Guys take a little time to read ALL of this. You might be surprised just how true it is.

1) NOT KISSING FIRST. Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're ...


5 Comments, 209 Views, 17 Votes ,6.52 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
travelling man   7/30/2008

My wife, when I traveled away, Made sly extramarital hay, And partied for hours With chosen endowers, And often came back the next day.


1 Comments, 79 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
newlyweds   7/30/2008

To his bride a young bridegroom said, "Pish! Your cunt is as big as a dish!" She replied, "Why, you fool, With your limp little tool It's like driving a nail with a fish!"


1 Comments, 71 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
CarbonEmission 34 M
0  Articles
Age of consent - not cuumulative!   7/19/2008

Carbon here - AdultFriendFinder self proclaimed resident sex and relationship advice guru.

THIS WEEK: Twins!

A warning for all you lovers out there - when on the rather sensitive (and provocatively imaginative) subject of twins, there are a few important, but often overlooked issues that need to be addressed. These tips have been researched dilligently by myself and others in my relationship ...


1 Comments, 128 Views, 25 Votes
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
watch what you wish for......   7/3/2008

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through, so he prayed:

'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day Amen.' God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

...


5 Comments, 171 Views, 13 Votes ,4.99 Score
rm_LarzBitchly 63 M
1  Article
The Tale of the Kiss`in Cousins   7/2/2008

Howdy,

I come from a tiny little mining town in West Virginia that I fondly refer to as “Booger Hole”. We moved away from there when I was around 9 years old but I briefly returned just before my 14th birthday when my Pa-Paw fell ill.

I was still a virgin unless you count the endless hours I spent jacking off and had never even seen a girl naked before (I don`t ...


0 Comments, 226 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
dondinero20066 44 C
156  Articles
HOW TO MAKE WOMEN HAPPY...?   6/30/2008

How To Make Women Happy... The Point System (advice according to women)

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Simple Duties: You make the bed (+1) You ...


1 Comments, 126 Views, 17 Votes ,0.86 Score
dondinero20066 44 C
156  Articles
man are like...   6/30/2008

... Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

... Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

... Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.

... Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

... Coolers. Load them ...


2 Comments, 82 Views, 21 Votes ,2.51 Score
dondinero20066 44 C
156  Articles
man and woman   6/30/2008

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not ...


0 Comments, 63 Views, 12 Votes ,1.92 Score
rm_Zinga45 50 M
1  Article
Pitching the bull:Why every seducer is a salesman!   6/28/2008

You seea fabulous girl at a party, You approach her and say"I'm fantastic in bed", THATS A DIRECT MARKETING

You're at a party with bunch of friends and see a fabulous girl, You have one of your friends approach her and point at you and say, "He's fantastic in bed", THATS DIRECT ADVERTISING

You see a fabulous girl at a party, aproach her to get her fone number, next day you call ...


0 Comments, 51 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
eyesopen63 64 C
2  Articles
short but funny   6/28/2008

What did the alcoholic do with his first 50 cent piece? He married her...


2 Comments, 75 Views, 9 Votes ,3.64 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
THE DREAMER   6/13/2008

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams"


2 Comments, 293 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
playboy centerfold   6/13/2008

Playboy is coming out with a new magazine for men who are married.

Every month the centerfold is the exact same woman.


1 Comments, 71 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
halloween costume   6/13/2008

On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got mad and stormed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later she came back completely naked execpt for a lemon between her legs.

The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed out of the room himself. Twenty minutes passed and then he came back himself with a ...


2 Comments, 110 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
a picture is worth a thousand words....   6/13/2008

A wealthy man sat in his attorney's office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked. "Give me the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars." "That's the bad news?" the man asked incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news." "It's of you and your mistress."


4 Comments, 138 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
next???   6/13/2008

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.


1 Comments, 103 Views, 11 Votes ,5.04 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
men and women   6/13/2008

What is the difference between men and women?

A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.


1 Comments, 50 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
hmmmmmm.....   6/13/2008

A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wife in bed with another man. "Get over it, buddy, " he said. "It's not the end of the world." "It's all right for you to say, " answered his buddy. "But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with your wife?" The fella ponders for a moment, then says, "I'd break his cane and kick his seeing-eye in the ass."


2 Comments, 98 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
headache cure??   6/13/2008

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache." "Perfect" her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, ... it's up to you!"


2 Comments, 94 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
tech support   6/13/2008

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs ...


1 Comments, 57 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
men and wine.....   6/13/2008

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd want to have dinner with.


2 Comments, 195 Views, 11 Votes ,4.29 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
poor frank   6/13/2008

On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it be right, " he asked, "for a person to profit from the mistakes of another?" "Absolutely not!" replied the pastor. "In that case, " said the young man, "I wonder if you'd consider returning the hundred dollars I paid you to marry my wife and me last July."


1 Comments, 67 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
Q&A   6/3/2008

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals


1 Comments, 53 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
men and women   6/3/2008

Men and women are not alike.

Sure, you thought you already knew that. But now we have conculsive proof! After countless hours of surveys and studies on the following topics, these facts have emerged:

RELATIONSHIPS:

First, a man does not call a relationshipo a relationship - he refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie were boinking on a semi-regular basis." ...


2 Comments, 73 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
WEATHERING MARRIAGE   6/2/2008

What do Marriage and a Tornado have in common?

Well you start off with a lot of blowing and then sucking, and then next thing you know your house is gone!


2 Comments, 209 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
the caring wife   6/2/2008

When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist. While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery. The patient's wife anxiously rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was ...


1 Comments, 224 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
just like marriage   6/2/2008

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."

...


1 Comments, 188 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
amazing foods   6/2/2008

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent.

Wedding cake!


1 Comments, 28 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
his last request.....   6/2/2008

Father O'Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears. "What's bothering you so, dear?" inquired Farther O'Grady. "Oh, father, I've got terrible news." Replied Mary. "Well what is it, Mary?" "Well, my husband, passed away last night, Father." "Oh, Mary" said the father, "that's terrible. Tell me ...


1 Comments, 54 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
isnt life interesting?   6/2/2008

Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course, and they didn't bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.

After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, "I think I'll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through." He walked out to the ...


1 Comments, 54 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
morning rituals   6/2/2008

What does a woman do to her asshole in the morning?

-Sends him to work.


1 Comments, 22 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
doggy style?   6/2/2008

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Does your wife ever ... well, you know ... does she ... well, let you do it doggie style?" asked one of the two.

"Well, not exactly, " his friend replied, "She's into the trick aspect of it."

"Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?"

"Well... not exactly. More like she rolls over and plays dead."


1 Comments, 67 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
conseling   6/2/2008

A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife about the problem. She responds, "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."

The counselor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?" The husband replies "Well not exactly, she's the one that suffers, not me."


1 Comments, 48 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
deaj au vous?   6/2/2008

After the lavish wedding reception, the newlyweds retired to their Honeymoon Suite. The groom turned down the lights and found some nice CDs to stack on the player. Then he excused himself and returned in pajamas and robe. He opened a bottle of champagne and poured them each a drink, unaware that his new bride had already had more than enuff to drink. Finally, he took the girl of ...


1 Comments, 40 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
private investigator   6/2/2008

My wife and I were watching some TV show the other nite where the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband and see if he were in fact "cheating" on her. I asked my wife if she would ever do that. She said, "Well not so much to find out who the other woman was, but to see if I could find out what she saw in ya."


1 Comments, 53 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
middle aged couple   6/2/2008

The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed to the wife that it always took him way too long to return. One time the wife had had enuff and actually pounded on the wall between the two apartments. There being no ...


1 Comments, 44 Views, 0 Votes
Movie Night   5/29/2008

Listen, baby, I care about you. And only you. You're the come that when things are bad and I just don't have anybody else to turn to, that you'll give me the blowjob I so desperately need. And I thank you for that. You understand me, you understand my needs and how to make me happy and how to make me come.

And I get you.

So when someone invited me and my family to a movie, ...


0 Comments, 41 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
a meeting called   5/17/2008

The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and in less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the "other man".

The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy marriage had not this S.O.B. come onto the scene. Being a man of the 90's and all, he decided to ...


1 Comments, 74 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
definition of wife   5/17/2008

Some people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, "My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG."

Another guy says, "What's that?"

The first guy says, "That means I am a Single, New Age Guy."

Another one says, "My name is Gary, and I am a DINK.

A girl asks, "What's that?"

He says, "That means I am a Double Income, No ."

A lady says, "That's nice. My ...


1 Comments, 47 Views, 3 Votes ,0.49 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
freudian slips???   5/17/2008

One of Sigmund Freud's early patients rushed out into an Austrian afternoon on her way to meet her best friend at a coffee house. Over Cappuccino and Viennese pastries, she suddenly burst out crying. Her friend begged her to share what was wrong. "Oh, it's just terrible, " she wailed. "Today the doctor told me I'm in love with my father, and. . .and. . .and you know, he's a married man!"


1 Comments, 38 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
all the thanks i need....   5/14/2008

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed ...


1 Comments, 88 Views, 7 Votes ,6.10 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
WHY? OH WHY?   5/14/2008

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to ...


1 Comments, 69 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
rm_fn491 62 M
2  Articles
I don't give Oral on a first date . . . . ?   5/13/2008

Bit of a fib really - I love giving Oral including on a first date!

I am alway curious about what a lady has eaten for dinner, after an occasion when I looked in the mirror before going home, to find that I had a piece of sweetcorn stuck to the end on my nose!

Has anyone else out there had a similar experience - perhaps with Spinach or Mushy Peas?


0 Comments, 237 Views, 7 Votes
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
ill hold the olives   5/13/2008

A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered another martini and did the same thing. After an hour, when he was full of martinis and the jar was full of olives, he staggered out. "Well, " said a customer, "I never saw anything as peculiar as that!" "What's so peculiar about it?" the bartender said. ...


1 Comments, 54 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
san62357 36 M
26  Articles
Read on you will love this!!!!!!!!   5/12/2008

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:







You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a ...


0 Comments, 67 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
emergency preparedness   5/8/2008

Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, Dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and dock it."

So she drove the boat to ...


2 Comments, 60 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
ten things universaly understood by men about women   5/8/2008

TOP TEN THINGS THAT MEN UNDERSTAND ABOUT WOMEN

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.


2 Comments, 182 Views, 14 Votes ,1.06 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
why take the chance   5/8/2008

Gary receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law's death. It also enquires whether she should be buried or burnt.

He replies, "Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes."


2 Comments, 58 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
wedding surprise !!!   5/8/2008

(this was passed along to me as a true story, i can not vouch for its validity) This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. This was a huge wedding with over 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage and took the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone ...


3 Comments, 176 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
set your clock ahead   5/7/2008

One day a wife complained, "This wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch." The husband grunted and replied, "The darn clock always was slow."


2 Comments, 48 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
poor larry   5/7/2008

Larry's barn burned down, and Susan, his wife, called the insurance company ...

Susan: We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money. Agent: Whoa there just a minute, Susan; it doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth. Susan, after a pause: I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband.


2 Comments, 79 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
it pays to spend more time at home....   5/7/2008

The husband, tired of a listless sex life came right out and asked his wife during a recent love-making session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm ?" She looked him rite in the eye and said, "You're never home !"


2 Comments, 105 Views, 9 Votes ,3.21 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
just play me a tune...   5/7/2008

A solider stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off of the local women. The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen lesson & music books.

Rotated back home, he rushed to their home and thru the front door. "Oh darling" he gushed, "Come here... let me look ...


2 Comments, 58 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
lil green monster   5/7/2008

Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. "Oh Marie, " she said to her maid, "I have reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary."

"I don't believe it for one minute !" Marie snapped."You're just saying that to make me jealous !!!"


3 Comments, 73 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
goodfella27288 53 M
1  Article
Getting back into the swing of things...   5/7/2008

My wife and I have been swinging for about 3 years. We have always used AdultFriendFinder for our contacts and to look for new friends. Back about a year and a half ago, we had a really bad experience and my wife just shut down. It got to where anytime I would mention getting back in she would freak out or just change the subject. Now, I admit, I had a little to do with her anxiety since I handled the ...


0 Comments, 81 Views, 0 Votes
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
the horrible curse   5/6/2008

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation "I now pronounce you man and wife".


3 Comments, 94 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
true love   5/6/2008

Three men were drinking at a bar -- a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, "For her birthday, I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring. This way, if she doesn't like the fur coat she will still love me because she got a diamond ring." As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, "For my wife's birthday, I'm going ...


4 Comments, 86 Views, 8 Votes ,3.94 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
couples and oral sex....   4/29/2008

Gary and Mary go on their honeymoon, and Gary spends six hours of the honeymoon night eating Mary's pussy.

The next afternoon, they go to an Italian restaurant. Suddenly, Gary starts to freak out. He screams, "Waiter! Waiter! Come over here!"

The waiter says, "Can I help you, sir?"

Gary yells, "There's a hair in my spaghetti! Get it the fuck out of here!" The waiter ...


2 Comments, 109 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
more married life   4/29/2008

A man and his wife got into bed for the night. The wife had curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling her pussy. He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to reading his book.

The wife got up and started stripping in front of him. The husband was ...


2 Comments, 91 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
4 kinds of sex   4/29/2008

There are four kinds of sex :

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her ...


2 Comments, 71 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
MARRIAGE   4/29/2008

1. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!).

2. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

3. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

4. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

5. ...


2 Comments, 41 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
play me a tune....   4/28/2008

A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter.

"My love, " he wrote, "we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the ...


2 Comments, 54 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
cant please em all....   4/28/2008

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid, " she thought as she fell. "What a way to die." As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?" "No!" she shrieked, aghast. So, he ...


2 Comments, 69 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
another 40 years of marriage...   4/28/2008

An old couple were sitting on the porch one afternoon rocking in their rocking chairs. All the sudden the old man reaches over and slaps his wife.

She says, "Well what was that for?"

He says, "Thats for 40 years of rotten sex!"

She doesn't reply and they start rocking again.

All the sudden the old lady reaches up and slaps her husband.

He says, ...


2 Comments, 67 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
devotion   4/28/2008

This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you ...


2 Comments, 66 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
unusual dreams...   4/28/2008

A wife woke up from her night's sleep and began recounting her dream to her husband. "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks in this place, "she began, "the big ones went for a tenner and the thick ones went for 20."

"How about the ones like mine?" asked her husband. "Those they gave away, " she replied tongue in cheek.

"I had a dream too, " started the husband. "I dreamt they ...


3 Comments, 76 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
marriage consuling....   4/28/2008

After just a few years of marriage filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the ...


2 Comments, 53 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
40 years of marriage...   4/28/2008

A man and a woman were married for 40 years. When they first got married the man said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 40 years of marriage the woman never looked.

However on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer bottles and ...


3 Comments, 227 Views, 14 Votes ,2.18 Score
james357james 36 M
3  Articles
marriage   4/27/2008

marriage is not just a word........it's a sentence!


0 Comments, 18 Views, 0 Votes
james357james 36 M
3  Articles
marriage   4/27/2008

marriage is not just a word........it's a sentence!


0 Comments, 4 Views, 0 Votes
rm_nolentally 58 M
81  Articles
Flirt Lines To Get Her Attention ?   4/24/2008

I came across some lines on a site that some guys have apparently used to flirt with women. Wonder how effective they were?

Do you know Karate? Because your body is kickin’.

You’re so hot, you’re making my beer warm.

If you were the new burger at McDonalds you would be the McGorgeous!

You better be careful. You’re sitting under a ...


0 Comments, 51 Views, 7 Votes ,2.02 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
you can be the man of your house...   4/19/2008

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be THE Man Of Your House.'

He stormed out to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to ...


2 Comments, 187 Views, 10 Votes ,3.78 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
say what you mean...   4/19/2008

A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success. All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything. She opens the window and yells to her husband, "You ...


2 Comments, 73 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
josmith5 61 M
1466  Articles
a poem   4/18/2008

A Woman's Poem

He didn't like the casserole And he didn't like my cake. He said my biscuits were too hard .. Not like his mother used to make. I didn't perk the coffee right He didn't like the stew, I didn't mend his socks The way his mother used to do. I pondered for an answer I was looking for a clue. Then I whirled and smacked him shitless ... Like his mother used to do.


2 Comments, 58 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
rm_calmlys 38 M
3  Articles
The Final Pubic Hair   4/17/2008

You know when you're going down on a girl, normally these days, most girls keep themselves pretty clean and trimmed. Yeah there may be a patch here or there where it's slightly rougher, but there's ALWAYS some part that just somehow always gets missed.

It may be a small patch, it may be part of a design gone wrong, but it's there. And in this patch, there's always one stray hair that's ...


2 Comments, 318 Views, 19 Votes ,3.78 Score
rm_calmlys 38 M
3  Articles
Cinderella   4/17/2008

What did Cinderella say after you got to the ball?

















*Gack!*


0 Comments, 74 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
rm_nolentally 58 M
81  Articles
Wrap That Sausage   3/14/2008

Came across this amusing article. Staff at a German butcher's shop were shocked to discover a customer had hidden two sex toys in their sausages for transport to Dubai.

After shopping there earlier in the day, a man, who spoke broken English, returned to the butcher's with two large sausages.

"It was two latex dildos with a natural look, " said a spokesman for police in the ...


1 Comments, 443 Views, 15 Votes ,3.44 Score
rm_liz3120072 48 F
6  Articles
What women really say & mean!!!   3/7/2008

CAN'T WE JUST BE FRIENDS? -there is no way in hell I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again.

I JUST NEED SOME SPACE. -without u in it.

DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS? -We haven't had a fight in a while.

NO, PIZZA'S FINE. -you cheap slob!

I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW. -I just don't want you as a boyfriend now.

I DON'T KNOW, ...


5 Comments, 305 Views, 23 Votes ,4.53 Score
just4kicks1700 42 C
6  Articles
worst date??   3/5/2008

whats the worst date story you have??


1 Comments, 105 Views, 5 Votes ,1.51 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
The good husband !   2/28/2008

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to ...


11 Comments, 297 Views, 52 Votes ,4.72 Score
sexyromance65 58 M
2  Articles
Safe condom removal.   2/24/2008

This is a story warning of the dangers of unsafe condom removal. It's sure to bring a tear to the eyes of every man who reads it.

When I was about 20, I met a girl called Jenny, and we started dating. She was quite new to the world of sex, but she was most enthusiastic. The first time we went all the way I used a condom, something that she was fascinated with. She rolled it onto me quite ...


5 Comments, 673 Views, 15 Votes ,4.05 Score
niceguywesternok 35 M
11  Articles
funny stuff   2/17/2008

yes it is


0 Comments, 41 Views, 1 Votes
sex   2/3/2008

sex is like oxygen its only important if your not getting any


0 Comments, 75 Views, 5 Votes ,2.16 Score
Sexy757Couple 34 C
3  Articles
Pet peeves   1/22/2008

What is the one thing that your partner does that irritates you the most? Mine is commenting on my driving!


2 Comments, 104 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Married for 44 years !   12/18/2007

After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old gal. Now I have a $500, 000 house, $45, 000 car, nice big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It ...


11 Comments, 404 Views, 64 Votes ,5.26 Score
Double date hell   11/28/2007

Years ago I had a double date with a friend of mine, Joe, who wanted to date a friend of a girl I had dated a couple of times. I asked her if she would set up a date for us, she agreed thinking it would be fun. I agreed to drive, picking up my buddy and then the two girls. Since the other two barely knew each other we talked for a few minutes before heading off to a bar for a beer and a bite ...


3 Comments, 178 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
rm_solly2272 51 M
5  Articles
F--k   11/8/2007

I was wrong Fuck. Well give me a minute, Fuck. Yea it wont happen again, Fuck. want to talk about it, Fuck. I just want a set of ears, Fuck. I didn't want your sympathy. All I wanted was a friend Fuck. Ill dream of a new tomorrow and you'll still be in fuck-in head why? Because I LOVE YOU P.S Many more fucks to go....


2 Comments, 54 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Honey let me be your Salty Dog ! Part I   11/6/2007

This is a true story!

In July of 1984 and I was shacked up with a beautiful redheaded ex-stripper and ex-car thief from Culpepper, Virginia by the name of Julie in the small town of West, Tennessee which was my hometown. Julie was 5ft. 2 inches tall with medium length wavy dark red hair and a natural bust size of 36 D that was way to big for her frame and she no doubt turned heads ...


4 Comments, 145 Views, 32 Votes ,1.55 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Honey let me be your Salty Dog ! Part II   11/6/2007

Anyways I got all cleaned up to go to this card game and Julie is raising hell about me going out that early in the day because she has a beauty appointment at 2:00 pm that afternoon at a beauty shop that was 600 ft. away from my trailer on the same side of the highway as the trailer park we lived in was but this started an argument because of us only having one car that day. My 76 Cougar was ...


5 Comments, 119 Views, 31 Votes ,1.71 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Honey let me be your Salty Dog ! Part III   11/6/2007

There were two fights over the pool tournament and another fight I suppose just for the damn hell of it that afternoon and we nearly had a fight over the poker game at one point with different people getting in and out of the game arguing as the juke box kept playing that crazy song among some other crazy as hell ones to boot by what looked like the Texas Chain Saw Massacre crew.

To ...


4 Comments, 111 Views, 32 Votes ,1.36 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Honey let me be your Salty Dog ! Part IV   11/6/2007

Part IV

The poker game was still going on but it was pitiful because they were all so messed up or I was and it was hard to understand what anyone was saying. The owner of the beer joint was gonna let them continue to play as soon as he got all of the other customers out of the place because he was gonna play too. I stood around and talked to a couple of different people a few minutes ...


12 Comments, 134 Views, 33 Votes ,3.42 Score
rm_hotbtweenlgs 68 C
24  Articles
THE "WHY'S" OF MEN...   11/2/2007

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (because they are plugged into a genius) 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY? (they don't have enough time) 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions) 4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS? (because their balls fall over their butts and they vapor lock) You're laughing, aren't you?!?!) 5. ...


6 Comments, 152 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
lovetolick61989 20 M
2  Articles
Why me?   10/1/2007

Why do i always get into fucked up relationships


5 Comments, 88 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
All to be young again !!!!   9/30/2007

Two 90 year olds had been dating for a whie, when the man told the woman, "well tonight we will have sex" And so they did As they lying in bed afterward the man thinks to himself "My god if I knew she was a virgin I would have been more gentle with her " And the woman was thinking to her self my god if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my pantie hoses off


2 Comments, 167 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
smelly !!!!   9/30/2007

A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. after a few minutes he turns to her and says " can I smell your pussy? " The woman looks at him in disgust and says, " Certainly not! " "Hmmm" he replies. It must be your feet then.


4 Comments, 244 Views, 8 Votes ,3.94 Score
dead beaver   9/29/2007

a guy was at the bar showing all his buddys that he could tell them what animal they had and how they killed it blind folded ..after all night of drinking he walked home. The next day he woke up and found out he had a black eye ..he asked his wife what happen she said you bastard you came home put you finger in my pussy and said beaver.. killed with an axe


2 Comments, 162 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
rm_amos1947 70 M
0  Articles
My Fifth Grade School Teacher   9/27/2007

I remember the prettiest girl in the class, Carol absent mindedly writing in ink on Miss Beyers new leather elk hide jacket and poor Emma Jane Pree getting the blame for it. Shame shame shame Carol. A secret all these years and it finally comes out fifty years later by an eye witness. First time I told this too and more.............First time I heard about saddle soap and Judith Beyers openly ...


1 Comments, 190 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
rm_amos1947 70 M
0  Articles
My Fifth Grade School Teacher   9/27/2007

I remember the prettiest girl in the class, Carol absent mindedly witing in ink on Miss Beyers new leather elk hide jacket and poor Emma Jane Pree getting the blame for it. Shame shame shame Carol. A secret all these years and it finally comes out fifty years later by an eye witness. First time I told this too and more.............First time I heard about saddle soap and Judith Beyers openly ...


2 Comments, 47 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
older married couple   9/21/2007

An older married couple were always bickering. Their current argument got more and more personal with each insult. The husband finally annnounced he had had enough and was going to dump her for a 20 year old.

"Go ahead, mister. I'll do the same and make out a helluva lot better than you will."

"Really, " retorts the husband. "Why do you think so?"

"Simple, " she said. ...


3 Comments, 166 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
" In Laws "   9/19/2007

Me and my second wife were driving down a country road one day not saying a word after an earlier ding buster of a battle we'd had and neither of us wanted to to give it up.

As we passed a barnyard of mules and pigs my wife sarcastically asked me, "Relatives of yours are they?"

"That's right Miss America! They're my in-laws."


15 Comments, 323 Views, 47 Votes ,3.58 Score
A Christmas Divorce   9/15/2007

A man in Scottsdale calls his in New York on December 23rd and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Pop, what are you talking about?" the screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer, " the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you ...


2 Comments, 149 Views, 10 Votes ,5.18 Score
Divorced Barbie   9/15/2007

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers that it's his 's birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the Barbie on the display window?" The salesperson answers, "Which one? We have: Work out Barbie for $19.95 Shopping Barbie for $19.95 Beach Barbie for $19.95 Disco Barbie for $19.95 Divorced Barbie for $265.95

...


3 Comments, 133 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
Dear Abbey   8/25/2007

Dear Abby,

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse is that everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job six years ago; he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and bullshit with his buddies while I have to ...


15 Comments, 386 Views, 56 Votes ,3.10 Score
_JKH_ 69 M
858  Articles
" Sweet Thang"   8/24/2007

A young girl of 13 was hearing a lot of new words pertaining to sex at school that she didn't understand at all. She decided to ask her divorced, single beautiful 30 year old blonde headed mom about it bluntly.

The told her mom the at school were saying things about going down on one another and that she didn't understand it at all. She asked her mom, "Will you tell me what they mean?" ...


8 Comments, 416 Views, 53 Votes ,2.71 Score
The Post(Mail)man retires !   7/27/2007

The local postman is retiring after many years of loyal service to the neighbourhood and is calling on his " customers" to say goodbye, he knocks at the door and the Lady of the House opens the door she says she is expecting him and wants to thank him for many years loyal service and that she has a large cooked breakfast waiting for him, he eats the tasty meal and just before he finishes she ...


5 Comments, 308 Views, 19 Votes ,4.71 Score
PassionatePoly 66 F
20  Articles
Family Vibrator   7/15/2007

The Family Vibrator

A 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old playing with her vibrator. "What are you doing?", asked the mom. "Mom, I am 40 years old and look at me. I am ugly. I will never get married so this is pretty much my husband." The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head. ...


10 Comments, 484 Views, 34 Votes ,6.83 Score
rm_XMISTERYMANX 58 M
47  Articles
Sex of Ages   7/10/2007

A note to the elderly. Sex is GOOD for You, Good for you , if you can find someone your age to have it with.

A note to the young, it really is love, the first of many. We never learned from being teens, it's real love, and it does break-up, so I say watch the married thing.

A note to the mid aged, just have lotsa fun.

A note to the semi-senior aged, do what you can ...


1 Comments, 83 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
rm_XMISTERYMANX 58 M
47  Articles
Some Sex Oddities   7/7/2007

So can't afford one of those fancy chairs you hang on the ceiling and she sits above you and you stick your dick through the hole and into her while she spins. So, you decide to improvise. That old wicker basket chair will do. So u cut the hole, hang it up and she gets in, you get in her and she starts to spin, well, I did say "wicker". It cuts the hell out of your dick, the commotion breaks ...


3 Comments, 126 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
rm_liz3120072 48 F
6  Articles
He suffers from premature ejaculation!   7/7/2007

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation. This was affecting marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem.

In response the doctor said, "When you feel the urge to ejaculate, try star-tling yourself".

One the way home the man went to a sports store and bought himself a starter pistol. All ...


10 Comments, 675 Views, 41 Votes ,8.57 Score
rm_setinhere 49 M
1  Article
Comebacks to Pickup Lines   7/6/2007

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not ...


4 Comments, 94 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
rm_XMISTERYMANX 58 M
47  Articles
Watching the Wife!   7/5/2007

Why do so many guys like to see their wives fucked? Well they would love 3 way with 2 women, but 2 guys and a girl...NOPE! I can tell you why...We are afraid of getting touched, coming into contact with another hard on. Can't help being just hereto. Just think, you all are at it and you are down on her and your ass is in the air, WELL, You feel a cock against your asshole, WoaH doggie. There ...


1 Comments, 115 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
rm_XMISTERYMANX 58 M
47  Articles
Women's Date Disasters   6/30/2007

Now Time for the Girls Date disasters.

He farts!

He Fuckin stinks!

His underwear has racing stripes!

He Loves Garlic!

He shows up in a Hyundai Pony!

He forgets his wallet!

He wears a polyester suit!

His cock is too small!

His cock is too big! (I know, no such thing)

He has a dump and doesn't flush! ...


1 Comments, 55 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score