Please note I am a willing participant in a secret experiment in human happiness . I saved a lizard once , what have you ever done with your life ? I'm just a no class beat down fool and I will always be that way , I might as well enjoy my life . I may not be a looker, but I'll help you any way I can . I may not be that handsome and I may not make you feel alive but if you've been napped and you need someone to drop off the ransom money you can count on me . I'm always on time and very reliable . If that doesn't get you wet I don't know what will (which I don't) . I kind of want to learn to play the banjo . But I doubt I will .

My Ideal Person A lot of people on there like to say that they're looking for a partner in crime . When I say that I mean it literally - I need someone to watch my back while I do some robberies . You need to be handy with a pistol grip pump and not be a pistol grip chump .

Seriously though I don't really know what I'm looking for . Some people would say that if you don't know what you want you won't end up with anything . But I already have stuff so they can bite it .

I'll say this . Go to YouTube and search for "Paul F Thompkins peanut brittle" and listen to that bit . If you don't find it at least a little bit funny there's no chance . Unless you just want to bang , which you don't .

Also check this out . If you brag about not watching TV there's no way . Unless you just want to bang , which you don't . I don't care if you DON'T watch a lot of TV but if you brag about it you're not my kind of people . Also you're probably lying because the people I know who actually don't watch a lot of TV don't talk about it all the time .

Speaking with lying a lot of people on there say how much they value honesty . I'm okay with lying with the right context . Like if you're lying to get away with some kind of shenanigan that's dumb . If you say you have to work late when really you're banging some other dude that's a waste of everyone's time . Just tell me you're banging some other dude and I'll be like "Oh you're banging other dudes ? Make sure he's wears a rubber you know ?" and then we'll high five and point fingerguns at each other .

But here's an example of a good lie . I ask you if you want to go to the Cheesecake Factory on Sunday night and you don't want to because you're going to visit your grandma that night . But you know if you tell me that I'll want to come along and that won't go well because your grandma is super racist . But you don't want to say that because it will turn into a whole "thing" with me . In that case it's fine if you lie and say "I can't Sunday because I have a bad rash on my tits" . And I'll be like "oh man , get better soon" .

And it's all cool you know ?

What are your favorite musicians or bands?:
They Might Be Giants , Beastie Boys , Beck

What types of sexual activities turn you on?:
Giving Oral Sex, Toys (Vibrators/Dildos/etc.), Rimming

What factors are most important to you when looking for a sexual partner?:
Sexual experience, Willingness to freely discuss and try anything

Have you ever had cybersex?:
No way. I only want skin on skin.

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