Farewell to an old friend...  

A moment of silence, please, my gentle readers, as we all take a moment to remember my old friend known to me as "Master Wong".

Master Wong came into my life about 8 years ago, to replace a previous companion named Barney (yes, he was purple, like the dinosaur). Master Wong was named thus because the shaft had light imprints of a little face wrapped in some sort of shroud, and at his feet was a beaver/platypus looking animal which the man seemed to be in charge of--hence the name Master Wong...

He was introduced to me by a friend, named Cherie, who accompanied me to the store to assist with the selection of my new friend, and had a very similar companion. Although he had obvious advantages over Barney (namely, a clitoral vibrator and a rotating, bendable shaft), my replacement and I were not immediately fast friends. I found Master Wong to be irritating rather than stimulating, but with a little encouragement from Cherie, I learned to relish our interactions! He taught me oh, so much...

It appears that my toy embargo broke poor Master Wong's purple little heart. Just 2 days ago as we were concluding our interaction, I heard a sound that struck fear into my heart (good damn thing I had just FINISHED!) --the type of sound that is as awful to hear as those dreaded words ... "I'm sorry, this never happens to me."

I blame myself, it appears that my orgasmic contractions were just too strong for him. (Not the first penis I have broken-real or fake.) His poor little rotating shaft's motor just --- it just, ...gave out.

I tried to revive him by PCR (Pretend Cock Resuscitation) twisting him manually, he jolted back to life for a second, rotated a few times half-heartedly, and then quietly gasped his last breath, and I knew, that it was time to let him go.

It was just the scene you'd imagine---me banging him in disbelief on the nightstand, yelling "NOOOOO" then quiet acceptance and sobbing.

It seems like only yesterday we were enjoying many good times together, none of them including moonlight walks, hand holding, romantic meals, dancing, poetry, or engaging conversation...

I just can't believe he's gone...

His buzzer still works, so it's not a total loss, but still, what quality of life is that? (you people know my stance on heroic measures to prolong life...)

It's hard to go on, alone, but I am trying to be strong. In fact, I do after all sell the damn things. I think it's time for an upgrade --- and there's a couple that I have had my eye on, since quite frankly, Master Wong was lacking in girth, and wasn't even waterproof... but let's not speak irreverently of the departed--let's dwell on his strengths.

Please, your condolences are welcome, but don't say "He's gone to a better place." I mean, REALLY!?!? What better place is there than my vajay-jay?...

There will be a small private ceremony, and then I am unsure what to do with the Master's remains...

Farewell my friend, you shall be missed...