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Do you Scare Yourself?  

hotdreamer1000 64M
8677 posts
1/7/2022 3:22 am

Last Read:
2/3/2022 3:40 am

Do you Scare Yourself?


I wonder sometimes if I am too scared of myself. Let me explain. I think for many of us there is a fine line between following your heart and letting it rule your head. I to follow my heart, and most of the time I do. But that doesn't mean not controlling impulses which I might later regret. Over things this is a relatively easy balance to find, for most of us at least.

But when the stakes are higher, when it comes to life changing decisions, it can become a problem for me. I have a few friends who seem to take these things in their stride - when they are in doubt they pick a path and make the best of it. Others seem hamstrung by inertia and never do anything. Once I have chosen, I am a "make the best of it" kind of person. But making the choice? Not so easy for me. I to have a clear idea of what I think the outcome will be, and of course you never can. And when one door opens another usually has to close.

I am always bemused by people who glibly say "take a chance; you can't succeed at anything unless you are prepared to risk something." This sounds good, but I don't think it is necessarily true. The world is full of people who took a risk and it all went horribly wrong. They tend not to have a voice to be listened to. You tend to hear more from the ones whose risks off.

On the other hand it is easy to be stuck in a rut. I often find myself thinking about this is respect of sex. I read an old blog recently in which someone asked "are you scaring yourself? I know you lose your nerve sometimes?"
I know this feeling very well. But maybe this is the same feeling which warns you not to touch the wire sticking out of the wall before you realise that it is probably live. Not to get into the car with the guy with the strange eyes, not to click on the link in the email from your "bank manager." I have learned to take heed of those kind of warnings, and I have lost track of the number of times it has saved me, let alone the ones when I never found out what would have happened. But I have probably missed out on some great sex too, lol.

I haven't always been too scared. Some of the exciting results are chronicled earlier in this blog. Not long ago I wrote about my over emotional responses to "second chance"<b> movies </font></b>and time travel stories. I saw another one yesterday in which a guy had a chance to send a brief message to his younger self. In the story, the changes that would result would mean the future version of the guy would never have existed, but the younger one would correct a terrible mistake. The end of his message to his younger self , "you owe me one."

Once I had stopped crying again, lol, it made me think once more - what would I change? The truth is, I have no idea. This path made me who I am today, and if I had taken a different path, I would be a different me. Some of the paths I could have taken would almost certainly have lead to real unhappiness. I can imagine being happier, but not by a quantum change, and I would not to have missed any of the things which got me here, or which I have today.

This isn't quite the post I meaning to write, but hey, that happens right? Maybe that will come out in the next one. Meanwhile how do apply this knowledge to my future? What message do I imagine seventy-two year old Dreamer sending me if he could? We can never know of course. But I owe him. So sometimes, maybe, I am too careful.

hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
1/7/2022 3:22 am

Glitch Free Version:

I wonder sometimes if I am too scared of myself. Let me explain. I think for many of us there is a fine line between following your heart and letting it rule your head. I want to follow my heart, and most of the time I do. But that doesn't mean not controlling impulses which I might later regret. Over small things this is a relatively easy balance to find, for most of us at least.

But when the stakes are higher, when it comes to life changing decisions, it can become a problem for me. I have a few friends who seem to take these things in their stride - when they are in doubt they pick a path and make the best of it. Others seem hamstrung by inertia and never do anything. Once I have chosen, I am a "make the best of it" kind of person. But making the choice? Not so easy for me. I want to have a clear idea of what I think the outcome will be, and of course you never can. And when one door opens another usually has to close.

I am always bemused by people who glibly say "take a chance; you can't succeed at anything unless you are prepared to risk something." This sounds good, but I don't think it is necessarily true. The world is full of people who took a risk and it all went horribly wrong. They tend not to have a voice to be listened to. You tend to hear more from the ones whose risks paid off.

On the other hand it is easy to be stuck in a rut. I often find myself thinking about this is respect of sex. I read an old blog recently in which someone was asked "are you scaring yourself? I know you lose your nerve sometimes?"
I know this feeling very well. But maybe this is the same feeling which warns you not to touch the wire sticking out of the wall before you realise that it is probably live. Not to get into the car with the guy with the strange eyes, not to click on the link in the email from your "bank manager." I have learned to take heed of those kind of warnings, and I have lost track of the number of times it has saved me, let alone the ones when I never found out what would have happened. But I have probably missed out on some great sex too, lol.

I haven't always been too scared. Some of the exciting results are chronicled earlier in this blog. Not long ago I wrote about my over emotional responses to "second chance" movies and time travel stories. I saw another one yesterday in which a guy had a chance to send a brief message to his younger self. In the story, the changes that would result would mean the future version of the guy would never have existed, but the younger one would correct a terrible mistake. The end of his message to his younger self was, "you owe me one."

Once I had stopped crying again, lol, it made me think once more - what would I change? The truth is, I have no idea. This path made me who I am today, and if I had taken a different path, I would be a different me. Some of the paths I could have taken would almost certainly have lead to real unhappiness. I can imagine being happier, but not by a quantum change, and I would not want to have missed any of the things which got me here, or which I have today.

This isn't quite the post I was meaning to write, but hey, that happens right? Maybe that will come out in the next one. Meanwhile how do apply this knowledge to my future? What message do I imagine seventy-two year old Dreamer sending me if he could? We can never know of course. But I owe him. So sometimes, maybe, I am too careful.


EnigmaInitiative 55F  
6054 posts
1/7/2022 6:33 am

I took a lot of risks in my younger years and wasn't all that careful with my person. That resulted in a life filled with drama and complications. As I grow older, I've realized the error of my ways and become much more cautious. Though, I do try not to be too cautious.

I do think I owe it to the future version of me to be more careful with myself. I had a heart attack a little over a year ago, at relatively young age obviously. It put some things into perspective for me, generally speaking. You know, after I got over the shock of it all.

My point, I think boils down to with age comes wisdom or something like that...especially when one attempts to learn from their mistakes rather than just repeat them.

This week's HNW: Pink/Hearts (Or Chocolate) is available on the other side.


superbjversion2 69F  
24388 posts
1/7/2022 6:38 am

When I read your title, I couldn't imagine how anyone could scare themselves. I was thinking personality traits. But the fear of the unknown...that mantra of "but, what if?!" ... can definitely 'scare' (or inhibit) a person. I'm sure there's a point where natural caution becomes excessive.

When my daughter was 12, she became a student ambassador. and took a group trip to Aus/NZ. It was something she wanted; something she asked to do. On the way to the airport, she suddenly said she didn't want to go. When I asked her why not, she said, "What if something happens to you while I'm gone?" This was a legitimate fear since her dad had passed away 3 years earlier. My reply?
"What if something doesn't?"

Good post.

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!


BiSussi 63F
1405 posts
1/7/2022 9:19 am

Love your post

Yes, life is full of choices some things we know we shouldn't do, others we just got to take a chance, but fear should not control our life When I had the chance to have my first sexual experience at the wrong time of the month, he had no condom on him, I did not open up. Did I miss out of some fun time, quite sure I did, but I most likely also prevented a pregnancy.

It was not fear, I had a choice and I decided to chose what is most likely the best for me

You have the same thing today, people don't meet, people hide for fear from Corona or STD. You have a choice, ask for a STD and Corona test and also do an on location Corona test and if the test is negative you are ready to

You got to take chances to enjoy life to the fullest, especially when it comes to sex, what would live be without but make sure it is a person who loves you

Oh yes, when I find love, all I can think about is Making Babies and not SEX Go for it, do it every day and put fear in a box
OVER 30 YEARS of making love without condoms and not once ended up with an STD risk management and being selective, believing in LOVE and not >>! every nice looking and sounding man does pay off


I love pussies and adore nice dicks


smartasswoman 66F  
35813 posts
1/7/2022 12:37 pm

I was pretty incautious in my earlier days on this site, although I can only think of a couple situations where I bypassed my requirement of meeting in public first. Never have I allowed someone to not use a condom.

But now I have to admit I'm pretty closed off. I don't entertain the option of meeting guys who message me on Fetlife - I have a standard reply that first they have to make the effort to come out and meet me at a munch or I'm not even going to chat online with them. That's been a good screening device but I imagine it's prevented a few connections that might have turned out OK.

Where all of this does resonate is with Covid. I told a friend just now, '"I'm pretty stubborn, and my attitude is, 'goddammit I've isolated for two years, I'm NOT going to get it now!" But that has restricted my life pretty severely. Just today I turned down a free ticket to one of my favorite groups that's playing next Monday.


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
1/10/2022 6:39 am

    Quoting EnigmaInitiative:
    I took a lot of risks in my younger years and wasn't all that careful with my person. That resulted in a life filled with drama and complications. As I grow older, I've realized the error of my ways and become much more cautious. Though, I do try not to be too cautious.

    I do think I owe it to the future version of me to be more careful with myself. I had a heart attack a little over a year ago, at relatively young age obviously. It put some things into perspective for me, generally speaking. You know, after I got over the shock of it all.

    My point, I think boils down to with age comes wisdom or something like that...especially when one attempts to learn from their mistakes rather than just repeat them.
I'm sorry to hear about your heart attack Enigma - I hope you are fitter now and the problem will never return!

I agree that with age comes wisdom, at least I hope it does, lol, and of course to get to that stage does require us to ;earn from our mistakes. (I sometimes think that even though I earn from my mistakes, I sometimes still repeat them! ) But I think age can also bring a loss of confidence. As you say, it is important not to become too cautious, and sometimes, when I have scared myself, I wonder whether I was right to be scared, or whether I was too cautions.


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
1/10/2022 6:41 am

    Quoting superbjversion2:
    When I read your title, I couldn't imagine how anyone could scare themselves. I was thinking personality traits. But the fear of the unknown...that mantra of "but, what if?!" ... can definitely 'scare' (or inhibit) a person. I'm sure there's a point where natural caution becomes excessive.

    When my daughter was 12, she became a student ambassador. and took a group trip to Aus/NZ. It was something she wanted; something she asked to do. On the way to the airport, she suddenly said she didn't want to go. When I asked her why not, she said, "What if something happens to you while I'm gone?" This was a legitimate fear since her dad had passed away 3 years earlier. My reply?
    "What if something doesn't?"

    Good post.
Thanks SuperBJ - and a great story about your daughter. Well parented!

But in fact, when I started writing, I was going to examine how it is possible to be scared of your own personality traits. Maybe that will now have to come in another post. So if you can't imagine that, then I look forward to hearing what you have to say when I have written it!


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
1/10/2022 6:47 am

    Quoting BiSussi:
    Love your post

    Yes, life is full of choices some things we know we shouldn't do, others we just got to take a chance, but fear should not control our life When I had the chance to have my first sexual experience at the wrong time of the month, he had no condom on him, I did not open up. Did I miss out of some fun time, quite sure I did, but I most likely also prevented a pregnancy.

    It was not fear, I had a choice and I decided to chose what is most likely the best for me

    You have the same thing today, people don't meet, people hide for fear from Corona or STD. You have a choice, ask for a STD and Corona test and also do an on location Corona test and if the test is negative you are ready to

    You got to take chances to enjoy life to the fullest, especially when it comes to sex, what would live be without but make sure it is a person who loves you

    Oh yes, when I find love, all I can think about is Making Babies and not SEX Go for it, do it every day and put fear in a box
    OVER 30 YEARS of making love without condoms and not once ended up with an STD risk management and being selective, believing in LOVE and not >>! every nice looking and sounding man does pay off
Thanks BiSussi, nice to see you here. It's that ability to read when fear is telling you something important, and when it is just misplaced anxiety that makes all the difference isn't it.

You know, now that I think about it, this post wasn't altogether just about sex.

But I was interested by your final comment - "make sure it is someone who loves you." I think sex can be better when there is love, but as examined in my previous post, the right level of understanding and mental connection can work too. Not so many people reading will think love is a essential for worthwhile sex. But each to their own way of life of course. From my point of view, I would say, if love is going to be involved, it is more important that you love them!


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
1/10/2022 6:50 am

    Quoting smartasswoman:
    I was pretty incautious in my earlier days on this site, although I can only think of a couple situations where I bypassed my requirement of meeting in public first. Never have I allowed someone to not use a condom.

    But now I have to admit I'm pretty closed off. I don't entertain the option of meeting guys who message me on Fetlife - I have a standard reply that first they have to make the effort to come out and meet me at a munch or I'm not even going to chat online with them. That's been a good screening device but I imagine it's prevented a few connections that might have turned out OK.

    Where all of this does resonate is with Covid. I told a friend just now, '"I'm pretty stubborn, and my attitude is, 'goddammit I've isolated for two years, I'm NOT going to get it now!" But that has restricted my life pretty severely. Just today I turned down a free ticket to one of my favorite groups that's playing next Monday.
I totally empathise with you on Covid Smarty. I am sure that at some point we are going to need to say to ourselves, "it is time to work out a way of living with this which may entail some risk, but is not too restrictive." But until I work out what that is, I have said, like you, (and not just to myself either, ) "I have worked so hard for two years to keep clear of this, I am not going to let my guard down now at the last minute!"


Violette001 51F
4619 posts
2/2/2022 10:24 am

Dear Dreamer,

i hope you can see this post. i left a reply on one of your posts in the new blog but you didn't respond. You had responded to only 2 of the people who posted - so the thought popped in my mind that perhaps, you're not able to see all the comments on your post for some reason??!

I also don't know if you are getting notifications for new posts from old blogville? My newest post, which i made in the old blog - didn't show up in the new one. SO. i'm slightly confused.

anyway - i totally love this post! i'm more of a risk taker than anyone else in my family. But, i'm ok with the consequences of my choices. IF i'm not free to be a fool, then am i truly free?! lol

"Do not put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket"
--Author Unknown



hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
2/2/2022 1:27 pm

    Quoting Violette001:
    Dear Dreamer,

    i hope you can see this post. i left a reply on one of your posts in the new blog but you didn't respond. You had responded to only 2 of the people who posted - so the thought popped in my mind that perhaps, you're not able to see all the comments on your post for some reason??!

    I also don't know if you are getting notifications for new posts from old blogville? My newest post, which i made in the old blog - didn't show up in the new one. SO. i'm slightly confused.

    anyway - i totally love this post! i'm more of a risk taker than anyone else in my family. But, i'm ok with the consequences of my choices. IF i'm not free to be a fool, then am i truly free?! lol
Hey V, I did respond to the comments in the new blog, but i have heard there is a glitch and they don't always show up straight away. Have a look tomorrow, maybe they will be there by then.

Good to see you after so long, I was wondering when you might come round to visit.


Violette001 51F
4619 posts
2/2/2022 3:59 pm

still hasn't showed up. I'll check again tomorrow.

are you able to see my lastest post? it's on the old blog. it didn't automatically transfer to the new one.

"Do not put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket"
--Author Unknown



hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
2/3/2022 3:40 am

    Quoting Violette001:
    still hasn't showed up. I'll check again tomorrow.

    are you able to see my lastest post? it's on the old blog. it didn't automatically transfer to the new one.
No I know - it seems like all except my first two replies on that one have disappeared! Posts on the original blogs are supposed to transfer, but some take longer than others. It's a mess at the moment!


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