Reset Password
If you've forgotten your password, you can enter your email address below. An email will then be sent with a link to set up a new password.
Reset Link Sent
If the email is registered with our site, you will receive an email with instructions to reset your password. Password reset link sent to:
Check your email and enter the confirmation code:
Don't see the email?
  • Resend Confirmation Link
  • Start Over
If you have any questions, please contact Customer Service
While I was Dreaming
Welcome to The Dreamery. There have been a few changes, but my blog is still simply a random series of Thoughts and fantasies, examining my past and my impossible future. Nothing on this blog is a lie. When I say nothing that follows is made up you can be sure it is the truth. Even the dreams are real dreams that I have had . And all the fantasies are my real fantasies.

There are however some questions which may never be answered:
Is it possible to actually laugh your arse off?
How sick is a parrot?
Are sandboys truly happy?
And just how mad is a box of frogs anyway?

And mostly, I do have it all in perspective!
Keywords | Title View | Refer to a Friend |
Not My Last Post
Posted:Feb 18, 2022 2:56 am
Last Updated:Oct 13, 2022 1:11 pm

It started out as a feeling,
Which then grew into a hope..........
I'll come back when you call me,
No need to say goodbye.

Just because everything's changing,
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before.
Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light.

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet.
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget.
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Until they are before your eyes -

You'll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye.

(Thanks to Regina Spector)

Maybe this link will work so you can listen over on the other side if you want to.

Somehow I didn't want "Name the Cockroach" to end up as my last post on the original side of the site! I once said that if I ever left I wouldn't make a big thing about it, like - you know - hoping everyone would come and comment and say "oh no pleeeeease Dreamer don't leave us" and all that rubbish. Instead I said that I would probably just post the lyrics to "The Call" by Regina Spector and let that say goodbye for me.

But now we are all moving to what has been aptly nicknamed "the dark side," and this seems appropriate somehow. Something feels different, and I don't think it will ever re-capture the strange mix of friendship, understanding, flirtation and downright lust which used to draw me back year after year. But even though everything's changing.........there is a new sense of collaboration and discourse in the new blogs so I will be sticking with it on and off as always, even if it is only just to see what happens next. I have made new friends and I want to follow their ups and downs and share some thoughts with them.

The people I used to blog for in the old days are gone. Too many to mention, and if any of you read this, you know who you are and you know, I hope, how much you matter to me. Happy memories. You'll come back when they call you.
Name the Cockroach
Posted:Jan 28, 2022 7:50 am
Last Updated:Jan 31, 2022 2:41 am

Apparently there's a zoo on Dartmoor which is giving subscribers the chance to name a cockroach after their ex.

For a £5 you get a certificate and can name one of their cockroaches. (Why are there cockroaches in a zoo?) Apparently this may help you get rid of negative energy after a break up.

This amused me and I thought you guys might like to hear about it, but now I think it through, I realise this isn't something I would ever do. I have had some difficult break ups, but I am now on good terms with most of my exes, and I am not on bad terms with any of them. Maybe that shows good choices in the first place, I don't know. I am always attracted to kind people. And I recognise my part when things go wrong - if I can I try to show I am sorry, and not make it any harder than it already is for either of us. I certainly don't blame the ex. Apart from anything else, what's the point, even of they have treated you badly. As I said to a recently-divorced friend of mine, who after a year still spent most of our conversations telling me the latest news about what a snake he was; "what does it matter what he has done now - you certainly don't want him back and he's had to give you money so that you don't have to see him any more. Why give it another thought?"

Not always as easy as that in real life of course. So if any of you have any "negative energy" towards an arse you used to know, maybe give Dartmoor Zoo a call?
The White T Shirt Effect
Posted:Jan 20, 2022 9:57 am
Last Updated:Feb 15, 2022 12:58 pm

Do you wear, or have you in the past, worn a tight white T-shirt, knowing it made you look sexy?

I am stuck at my desk after pulling a muscle when out on a run earlier in the week. I had to limp home, and today find myself shuffling round the house like an old man. I don't feel very sexy.

But something I saw on TV reminded me of a phenomenon I don't fully understand, and I would be interested to hear your views. In England particularly, intelligent women of the kind I usually find attractive tend not to wear the tight white T-shirt. I'm not completely sure why, but I have heard women suggest that it is somehow not very classy. (I'm not sure the same really applies elsewhere in the world though, although a male equivalent might be the Bruce Springsteen style singlet.)

But despite the fact that I might therefore be prejudiced against someone I met who was wearing that look, there is no question I find the tight white T-shirt very sexy in a sort of forbidden fruit kind of way. Okay, other colours are attractive too. Maybe it is just that it accentuates the right curves. Maybe it subliminally suggests a sexual awareness.

But whatever it is, I would like to see you in a tight white T-shirt. That would go some way towards making me forget my calf strain!
A Rogue Cock?
Posted:Jan 12, 2022 4:28 am
Last Updated:Jan 20, 2022 5:12 am

I have written a post about this on the new beta site, but it doesn't appear here on the original blog page, and anyway, this is an update. (I know this will appear on beta too, so that will be confusing, but you guys are intelligent, you'll figure it out. )

Anyway, the point is there's a rogue cock appearing in the picture gallery in beta on the right of my blog! It isn't mine, I never posted that picture, and I don't want it here! Not that there is anything intrinsically wrong with the cock per se, on the face of it, etc etc (please invent puns at will. )

The point is, how did it come to be there? There are other pictures, (not many) I have posted from time to time over the years, but apart from the very recent Maria Andrejczyk none of those are showing up in the gallery. Just this dick pic.

I have tracked it back to a post I wrote back in November 2010, although it only shows up there on beta, not here. I definitely did not post this picture, and I think I would remember if it had seen at the time - it must have sneaked its way in some time later. Any anyway, as it doesn't show up if you are looking at that post from here on the original blogs, I would never have seen it.

Any ideas? Does anyone know how I can make it go away? Or at least clean it up a bit?
Blogger Man
Posted:Jan 10, 2022 2:28 pm
Last Updated:Feb 24, 2022 5:59 am

(With apologies to Bernie Taupin and Elton John)

She read my post again last night
Zero hour a.m.
And gonna be ha-aa-ard
As a rock by then.
I miss the emails
And I miss my points
It's lonelier tonight
On such a ti-i-imeless site

And I think it's gone and been a long long time
Since I fist joined I never thought I'd find
not the man they think I am home
Oh no no no;
a blogger man - Bloggerman
Sharing all my thoughts from to .

This ain't the kind of place to hide your kinks
In fact it's cool as hell
And there's no one here to judge them
If you did.
And all the dramas I don't understand
It's just my blog five days a week
A blogger man - Bloggerman

And I think it's gone and been a long long time..........

Yes I think it's gone and been a long long time........

I think it's gone and been a long long time..........
Do you Scare Yourself?
Posted:Jan 7, 2022 3:22 am
Last Updated:Feb 3, 2022 3:40 am

I wonder sometimes if I am too scared of myself. Let me explain. I think for many of us there is a fine line between following your heart and letting it rule your head. I to follow my heart, and most of the time I do. But that doesn't mean not controlling impulses which I might later regret. Over things this is a relatively easy balance to find, for most of us at least.

But when the stakes are higher, when it comes to life changing decisions, it can become a problem for me. I have a few friends who seem to take these things in their stride - when they are in doubt they pick a path and make the best of it. Others seem hamstrung by inertia and never do anything. Once I have chosen, I am a "make the best of it" kind of person. But making the choice? Not so easy for me. I to have a clear idea of what I think the outcome will be, and of course you never can. And when one door opens another usually has to close.

I am always bemused by people who glibly say "take a chance; you can't succeed at anything unless you are prepared to risk something." This sounds good, but I don't think it is necessarily true. The world is full of people who took a risk and it all went horribly wrong. They tend not to have a voice to be listened to. You tend to hear more from the ones whose risks off.

On the other hand it is easy to be stuck in a rut. I often find myself thinking about this is respect of sex. I read an old blog recently in which someone asked "are you scaring yourself? I know you lose your nerve sometimes?"
I know this feeling very well. But maybe this is the same feeling which warns you not to touch the wire sticking out of the wall before you realise that it is probably live. Not to get into the car with the guy with the strange eyes, not to click on the link in the email from your "bank manager." I have learned to take heed of those kind of warnings, and I have lost track of the number of times it has saved me, let alone the ones when I never found out what would have happened. But I have probably missed out on some great sex too, lol.

I haven't always been too scared. Some of the exciting results are chronicled earlier in this blog. Not long ago I wrote about my over emotional responses to "second chance" movies and time travel stories. I saw another one yesterday in which a guy had a chance to send a brief message to his younger self. In the story, the changes that would result would mean the future version of the guy would never have existed, but the younger one would correct a terrible mistake. The end of his message to his younger self , "you owe me one."

Once I had stopped crying again, lol, it made me think once more - what would I change? The truth is, I have no idea. This path made me who I am today, and if I had taken a different path, I would be a different me. Some of the paths I could have taken would almost certainly have lead to real unhappiness. I can imagine being happier, but not by a quantum change, and I would not to have missed any of the things which got me here, or which I have today.

This isn't quite the post I meaning to write, but hey, that happens right? Maybe that will come out in the next one. Meanwhile how do apply this knowledge to my future? What message do I imagine seventy-two year old Dreamer sending me if he could? We can never know of course. But I owe him. So sometimes, maybe, I am too careful.
Old Posts
Posted:Jan 4, 2022 3:35 pm
Last Updated:Jan 11, 2022 6:55 am

I am lead believe that when the new beta community replaces this one, posts older than 20 may be lost.

So first of all I thought I would want back at some of your blogs, especially those of you I haven't been reading for very long, and make sure I haven't missed anything. I don't suppose I can read much though in the time available.

But then I also thought about some of my old posts. Okay a lot of them were a load of rubbish, lol. But are some I wouldn't want never be able read again. So I thought I would go through my back catalogue and pick out a few for re-posting here.

Here's one, slightly edited, about a relationship and a scenario I alluded more than once over the years.......

I just had a great time reading some members thoughts in their blogs and advice lines.

reminded me of how I originally learned enjoy more. I grew up thinking the most important thing in was for me make sure my partner enjoyed . I liked , but for quite a while I didn't realise I was scratching the surface of what I could feel.

When I was thirty I had a fantastically passionate relationship with a . (Later referred in other posts as "The Lioness." ) When we first got together she was quite experienced and clearly loved but she confided in me that she had never actually had an orgasm. I felt like I could help with this, but I lol, had never had teach a woman how come before. But I managed figure out that she was not letting her mind get into the moment. I told her to concentrate on her feelings as I was touching her and let her mind run free/ I said was like the difference between someone touching your hand when they give you the change at the cash desk, and someone you are falling in love with touching your hand for the first time. They are the feeling on the skin, but completely different in the mind.

my surprise this worked for her almost straight away and she began come {really beautifully I thought) every time we had . I got know her responses well and could keep her just hovering on the edge of orgasm without losing the moment. That is until she started pretending be further away than she was so she could trick me into making her come. I love when a woman rubs her clit make herself come when we are fucking, but sometimes I would push her hand away make her last longer! All of this put me into a position where I could stop worrying about her orgasm and start concentrating on my own, because I knew I could trust her to find a way to get what she needed out of me for herself.

I realised that although as a man I had always been able to come during , in fact I had been a lot like her in that I wasn't letting my whole mind get freely into the moment. After that I began to let go more, and between us became fantastic. I had never realised how good could be, I think this is what people mean when they say is better with someone you are really in love with. But I think it is more that is better with someone you completely trust and understand sexually. I had several other relationships with women I really loved but not had good with. Is that another skill I need learn?
Why has Santa got no ?
Posted:Dec 21, 2021 1:41 pm
Last Updated:Jan 4, 2022 3:14 pm

Because he only comes once a year and that's down the chimney!

Ha haaaar! It's an old one but a good one.

Anyway, as you know I love this time of year, and before I go away for a week or two to spend time with someone who loves me, I just wanted to leave a few special Christmas messages here to blog friends from around the world who have also become important to me.

This year I have begun to get to know quite a few new people I hadn't interacted with before:

Jajo, Sweetmystery, Becca, others I am just starting to know, thanks for being here and reading my blog. I hope to see more of you next year.

SuperBJ: I loved your marvellous rendition of "Jingle Balls." I hope to see more of your interesting observations on life next year, and that maybe you'll be able to enjoy a bit of roundassing again in the New Year!

Blonde Venus: I'm not sure if you ever come here and read my blog, but if you do, can I encourage you to keep up the weird and wonderful posts on your own please!? Yours is the kind of blog I am always looking for - well written, well researched and, well, bizarre! I hope to be reading more of your strange observations next year.

Marysia, Stormy, Kay, Zandigal, Hippiechick: I know you don't come around so much anymore, but still it is great that you are all still here at least sometimes, my longest standing blog friends and I am always so pleased to see you.

Lindo: It's been great exchanging perspectives with you. No drama, just good generous debate and a search for the truth. And some fishing. I'll miss you here when (if?) you go, but I'll be in touch in due course if you do.

Jules: I can't believe I have only just discovered your blog after all these years, and now you are only posting occasionally. I don't know if I will ever find time to go back and read everything I have missed, but I will be dipping in now and then and maybe leaving a comment here and there. I hope there will be some new posts too. You are one of the people who make this seem like a magical place to me and I am always interested in your posts - whether they are sexy, serious, fun, revealing or even sad they always show your thoughtful and generous spirit.

Smarty: Your blog nearly always seem to be top of my watched list and it has been great re-connecting with you this year. I know we exchanged comments a few times a while back, but I can't remember when and we obviously then lost track of each other. You are one who is really keeping the spirit of these blogs alive. I know you feel you have been thrown off track a bit by the pandemic (who hasn't? ) and I really sympathise with that. I hope you manage to re-find your confidence again in 2022.

Violette: Wow, what a difference a year makes. Well, actually, it has been a bit longer I guess, but now when I read your posts, mostly all I see is a happy confident woman, and I am so pleased about that. I wanna be reading much more from you as time goes by. You have told me before that I helped get you to where you are now, and I can't tell you how much that means to me. You are one of the main reasons I keep writing on these pages, and knowing you are only ever on the other side of my keyboard is a wonderfully comforting feeling.

Merry Christmas everyone, and if there is anyone I have forgotten, or someone who is only visiting for Christmas after so long away I didn't think they would be reading, (Rose, Wildfire, Skierchick, WantonWench maybe??? ) say hello and I will leave you a very special reply!

New Comments?
Posted:Dec 20, 2021 6:13 am
Last Updated:Jan 4, 2022 12:12 pm

I’ve noticed that new comments on my posts which are only left on the new community beta site don’t show up here on the original site. As I have not yet got into the habit of looking at what I post over there, and don’t have the time to spend working out how to use it yet, I may not see what you write if you leave a comment there and not here.

No doubt it will all settle down in due course and I guess I will have to get used to it, but for now if you want me to see your comment, can I ask you to leave it on the original site blog format rather than beta?

Thanks, Dreamer.
Men and Their Feelings
Posted:Dec 17, 2021 6:54 am
Last Updated:Dec 20, 2021 9:55 am


It is a commonly held view among women that men tend not to express emotional feelings. Is this actually true and if so why?

If it’s true, is it that men less able to display emotion or do they reserve their feelings on purpose?

I to say of course, that all of the following is merely based on my observations of people and is intended for blog discussion and enlightenment. It's a Dreamer's eye view. I am not an anthropologist or a social scientist and there are probably well researched essays on this subject out there if anyone wants to get to the real truth. I am also generalising wildly, and of course there are people whose mentality falls well outside the general characterisations I describe.

Could it be that men express their feelings in a different way, less easily understood by women? That could explain why it is so often only women who see this as a problem, whilst men get along amongst themselves - for the most part at least - without difficulty in this area. Men don't often go into detail about their feelings because they find it embarrassing, the same way you might not discuss incontinence or a nasty rash. They tend to feel that expressions of emotion are easily misunderstood, and can be difficult to retract if not well received. So they may prefer an understated hint, or a joke to say everything they need it to. This might help explain how it can be that there are some women who are more comfortable around men, and generally understand their motives and feelings without having to hear them spelt out in detail. That is in sharp contrast with women I know who are instinctively mistrustful of men, and although they would love to meet a “good” one, they do not actually like them very much as a gender.

I know from discussion with women that many are not aware of how close a complete loss of emotional control is to the surface for many seemingly well-adjusted men. Considerably closer than it would be for most women. It probably has to do with the amount of testosterone flying about. I remember once a friend of mine said, in front of a friend of ours, “you know that feeling when just for a moment, you’d like to smash someone’s face with a cricket bat or something, but then you remember it is better to keep control and you move on.” The woman we were talking to, a good friend, looked shocked and said “I have never felt like that, I don’t know what you mean.” I think she wondered if my friend some kind of potentially violent monster. But I knew exactly what he meant. It’s what is called “the Red Mist.” I’m not saying no woman ever feels this way, but it is less common. Most men know this feeling, but can control it, it feels perfectly normal and it doesn’t worry them provided they keep it from getting out of hand. Women, not unreasonably, are mistrustful of men who lose control.

It might seem that this has nothing to do with expressing emotions of love or sadness, but actually I think all these emotions are connected, and men tend to grow through adolescence realising that to let these feelings get too near the surface can be dangerous. For many men, especially when , if the emotions get out of the box, they can take over – we have all heard the expression that someone allowed emotion to cloud their judgement. This is an emotional red mist, just as powerful as the urge to be violent. The mere admission of the existence of the emotion may be enough to see it flare up into a wildfire. When it has passed, it is an all too frequent occurrence to look back and say “what I thinking?”

Clearly, it is advisable to learn how to navigate the line between helpful and excessive emotion, and many men do learn, to the benefit of their mental health. But a reluctance to let it all show too easily can remain. Why is this?

I think there is a wide range of factors. But much of it is created in adolescence and partly by women themselves. Think back to your teenage years. Did you yearn for a boy who emotional and needed to talk to you about his fears and shortcomings? Okay, I am generalising I know, there is always an exception, but in the main, no, I don’t believe you did. You longed for the “strong silent type” who would take you to the ball and know how to dance and not mess it up when he kissed you goodnight. So we learned not to show our fear. Even our mothers told us “big boys don’t cry.” And they were right – a man who gives in too easily to emotional stress is outstripped by his contemporaries in the great competition for work, women and success which our society is built on. We learn that displays of emotion will be seized upon as weaknesses, and the one thing a teenage boy wants to avoid at all costs is ridicule. At a age it is hard to work out the difference between emotions which need to be repressed, and those which can be shared and explained, and that pattern can be set for life. It is only in later life that women, often once they settle into a relationship, start to notice that their men are less forthcoming at the "soppy stuff" than they would like them to be, and men who can adapt to this can become attractive.

The perceived weakness argument is important. People will say that it is a strong man who can show his emotions. But that is perhaps the whole point. You do need to be strong, and in an emotional situation, you may well not feel strong enough. Especially in front of a woman you love. One of my closest friends once had a destructive relationship with a very subtly controlling woman. She manipulated him, turned many of his friends against him and left him feeling the whole problem his own fault. After it ended he broke down in tears to me on the telephone. I going through some problems myself at the time but we’d been out of close contact for a while and up until then neither of us knew. We both cried and leant on each other for support. Later, we agreed that only our enduring life-long friendship, during which we had often discussed feelings, the meaning of relationships and deeper areas of life’s mysteries, had allowed us to feel safe in expressing such deeply felt emotion to each other. I simply would not have been strong enough at the time to share any of it so closely with anyone else.

Part of all this may also be an evolutionary hang over. It may have been necessary for physically stronger men to go to hunt or into battle not allowing their fear or pain any head space. Women (we think) tended to maintain family groups and work in a more mentally collaborative way, and so evolved more emotional connectivity. Maybe men’s interactions had to be based on quick, instinctive understanding, simple statements, facial cues and body language rather than lengthy detailed expression. That way of communicating among men in groups (as opposed to one-to-one friendships) persists to this day.

Incidentally, this issue is not restricted just to men – I have come across (both figuratively and sexually speaking, lol ) quite a few women over the years who have been very self-contained and unable, or at least reluctant to express their feelings easily. In one relationship, I found I needed to coax her to let me into her feelings – even one time when it turned out to be sadness that her mother ill. In another, I know she loved me deeply, but it hurt me that she never wanted to say so. Her parents had both been alcoholics – all emotion had seemed misplaced, shallow and self-serving to her when , so in her words, she “learned not to have any.” Or maybe she unsure whether she loved me in the way I hoped she did, and didn’t feel able to tell me that.

So, as in all things, we to have this both ways. We people who are full of emotion, strong enough to let it show, but can keep it controlled if it threatens, and are self aware enough to express it eloquently and sensitively, even in the most emotionally charged circumstances. But we don’t them enslaved to it, blurting it out at inappropriate moments or telling us truths we didn’t to hear. Often that can be too much to as
What Would I change?
Posted:Dec 13, 2021 11:12 am
Last Updated:Jan 6, 2022 9:52 am

I was watching a Christmas movie - I love them, you know the soppy ones with long lost lovers saving a small town business, a snowball fight in a Christmas tree lot or a seemingly mis-matched couple falling in love when they get cut off by snow at an old inn up in the mountains.

This one was about a woman who got the chance to go back in time and change something which went wrong at Christmas years ago. I was fighting back the tears from the start, because as you know I have this strange emotional response to second chances.

Not for the first time it set me wondering where this comes from. Deep down inside I have this gnawing feeling that somewhere way back "I took a wrong turn and I just kept going." (Lyrics from Bruce Springsteen's Hungry Heart in case you're wondering.) This feeling is so strong sometimes that it literally can wring a flood of tears out of my heart instantly from just seeing some fictional character do the whole It's a Wonderful Life thing. Ten seconds later I am wiping my eyes and laughing at myself, wondering what it is I am crying for.

Candidates for the big turning point are many. The death of my father when I was a . Overcoming bad guys at one time or another. Going into a profession I have never really warmed to. Hurting someone I loved. Failing to take the huge leap I needed to do to hold on to my love affair with the Lioness. Hooking up with her in the first place, lol.

I know I will probably never have a flash of insight and think Aha! that's why I feel this way. Probably it is just a facet of who I am. I remember feeling nostalgic listening to Gladys Knight when I was eleven! And actually I can't think of many things I would do fundamentally differently even if it was possible to have the chance. Anything I changed might result in me not getting to where I am now. I am broadly content with my life. I am happy most days. I have lots to look forward to, people who love me, and I fill most of my days with things I love to do. I just have to live with the feeling, it's always there in the background.

And I can't explain why, but this is one of the reasons I keep blogging here. Nobody has to read my posts. Rose, Zandi, Violette, The Girl Who Read Everything, many others to a lesser or greater extent just somehow just seem to see through my thoughts and understand this part of me in a way I rarely experience in the real world. I don't know much about beta sites or whether the blogs ain't what they used to be, but being able to read your posts in this place and have you here reading mine is one thing I don't want to change.
Is it Time for a New Book?
Posted:Nov 22, 2021 4:25 am
Last Updated:Dec 20, 2021 12:30 pm

Can I ask you guys a question? (You guys who are my regular watchers and readers that is..... )

When I first started blogging, I got quite a lot of questions from people wanting to know what book it was I was reading. I don't think I have had that question once in the last six or seven years now.

Is it time for a new book? And by that I mean, does it matter that my picture is now ten years out of date? I have thought about maybe taking a new picture in the same pose, but with a different book and patched and faded jeans. (I'm not sure if the people reading now have known me long enough to get the joke though......

The little bit of hair you could see would be greyer. But of course I am not here looking for the next meet or hook up - what really keeps me coming back is the chance of making contact with someone who really gets what I am thinking about on a given subject, or who can understand or appreciate some sexual fantasy I might have in a way I probably don't feel I would be understood, or can allow to show, in real life.

So it doesn't matter to me that someone might think I am trying to look younger than I am, and as you can't see my face and I am still in pretty much the same shape otherwise, would it make any difference?

The other thing is, I see what have become, to me, Iconic user pictures of people which are comforting in a consistent sort of way. Like Lindo in his kilt or Bigglala's tongue. Violette's diamond-chevron socks, Redrockrascal's rose tinted specs, Jules' eyes hidden by the brim of her hat, and Smarty's golden eagle T shirt. (Or whatever that emblem is - what is that Smarty? ) I know I don't have a massive following who keep a look out for my picture to the left of the column when they are reading other blogs or whatever, but I find myself reluctant to change it just in case it might catch someone's eye out there from way back when........

Does it matter? How do you feel about your picture?
Posted:Nov 19, 2021 7:16 am
Last Updated:Nov 22, 2021 3:27 am

"We must accept the fact that very few life forms will ever meet our high standards. When you get irritated, just try to be tolerant, and remember they can't help being what they are."

This raises a number of questions.

1 ) Is it possible to follow this advice without accepting the implied conceit that we, (the individual following the advice,) consider ourselves to be superior to the people we interact with? If you asked me before writing this post, I would have said I did not consciously feel superior - certainly not in physical or mental ability, social standing or entitlement. And as we are on this site, not in terms of athleticism, adventurousness, experience or endowment. (Hang on Dreamer, we are digressing badly - what has penis size got to do with this and who the hell gave you permission to imply you have a penis, (not that there's anything wrong with that) when in fact you know perfectly well you are above average.....? And there are too many brackets in this sentence, get back to the point.)

The point is, when it comes to moral compass, empathy and willingness to put another person first, I think deep down maybe I do consider myself superior. And I have no business to: I can be as flawed and selfish as the next person. To feel yourself superior is a route to all kinds of problems. And yet in practical situations, if I to be a kinder, pleasanter person, the above quote remains good advice.

2 ) Why can't difficult and unpleasant people help being what they are? Surely if we can try, so should they. Maybe they could help being what they are, but maybe it doesn't matter to them?

3 ) If we consider it important to have high standards, ought we to be tolerant of those who don't? This can be argued both ways - we extoll tolerance, therefore we must accept the behaviour of others. Or, if we do not point out to others where they fall short, how will they know we would prefer them to modify their behaviour? Is it morally right even to them to change? Who decides which standards are the "right" ones?

4 ) Is it really advisable to be taking advice from the script of a popular science fiction tv series? (In theory I don't see why not, if it is well written and apposite, after all, we accept that there is plenty of wisdom in earlier classics such as Shakespeare or Jane Austin. But that seems easier to justify.)

5 ) At what point do we decide that someone who can not meet our standards can not offer us any form of worthwhile friendship? People of my acquaintance vary in their feelings in this respect. Some are happy in the company of people whose behaviour they would criticise. They actively enjoy seeing another perspective on life. Others can only be comfortable with those who share their own opinions and lifestyle. Yet others mix with everyone, but feel ill at ease or even led into situations they wish they had avoided.

Suddenly I find myself thinking that these philosophical questions apply right across the whole range of human interactions and organisation, not just whether I get irritated by people at the supermarket checkout........

To link to this blog (hotdreamer1000) use [blog hotdreamer1000] in your messages.

64 M
February 2022
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat

Recent Visitors

Visitor Age Sex Date
pudser202020  53M3/10

Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
Not My Last Post (13)zandigal
Feb 18, 2022 7:41 pm
The White T Shirt Effect (19)skierchick
Feb 13, 2022 4:52 pm
Do you Scare Yourself? (13)Violette001
Feb 2, 2022 3:59 pm
Name the Cockroach (20)marysia4u
Jan 28, 2022 2:49 pm
A Rogue Cock? (9)MyNameIsKay
Jan 17, 2022 5:27 pm
Blogger Man (23)marysia4u
Jan 11, 2022 4:32 pm
Old Posts (13)jajo696
Jan 5, 2022 1:01 am
Why has Santa got no Children? (20)MyNameIsKay
Dec 24, 2021 7:27 pm
New Comments? (9)countryqueen1
Dec 20, 2021 10:00 am
Men and Their Feelings (11)EnigmaInitiative
Dec 20, 2021 9:27 am
What Would I change? (13)zandigal
Dec 16, 2021 2:15 pm