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| Blogs > 1of2dorks > My secret monster |
number 25
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number 25 I find myself pausing for just a moment sometimes when I come here to write. Sometimes it is to reflect on the day, or others to decide what I can should or should not tell. Today is not really any different for me. I find myself pausing and thinking about friends I have not seen in many years. Some I know I won't see again. Yet others I have seen recently and wish to have been able to do a lot more when I saw them last. Such it seems is life. This last weekend was the summer solstice. For the first time in many years I celebrated it in a way I enjoyed rather than keeping my head low and being mindful of everything and one around me. Even stayed up late and saw the stars peek out. it was the first time in a while I have done that with company. I came here to this site tonight with intent to chat, but as the room I have been enjoying most recently is not occupied, I decided a blog entry might fill the bill. Ok, call BS on that. I just wanted to get some things out of my head, but am not sure they are ready to come out into the silvery light of the monitor just yet. I guess I had a serious<b> temptation </font></b>this weekend and it is weighing on my head a bit. My heart worries a bit too, but that is coming less and less. There is reason for that too, but it is for another time and another post. My temptation? I suspect if I were less honest, I could have stepped out this last weekend. There was company who I suspect if I were a bit more of a lesh would have had fun playing. Thankfully manners were minded despite alcohol being involved. Then again, it has been a few years, so I am also wishing I had played. after all, you never know how long it is going to be until the next chance. That being told I am still not sure if I am ready to step out, if the opportunity presents itself. I have been given the ration before about fidelity, and know full well once you do take that step things are never the same again. I guess what I am getting to, is there is a date in mind for if and when this will eventually happen. That and a few other things which have been happening that I do not control. Being as good as I can, some of those are almost knee jerk reaction things that I am addressing, but still, things I have made clear are bad and need to change or I will change along with them. Conditional problems, and vaguely hinting at it's best here folks, read it and wonder, or better still, use your imagination. either way, it hopefully will provide something to mull over until the next blog post. The number 25? that is the number of this post in this blog. Hope it was worth the read, and hope you had a good day. if not, there is always tomorrow. |
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